What should I do about my 14 yr old step daughter having sex?

Question

My 14 yr old step daughter has admitted having sex with a 14 yr old boy and is telling us she is pregnant. Unfortunately neither her mother or father want to deal with it and she hasn't done a pregnancy test. I want to deal with it but am in the difficult position of being 'the wicked stepmother'.

What should I do? I'm trying to get her over to the house to do a home pregnancy test, but at the mo, she is grounded and not allowed out of the house.

Would Social Services help if they were informed? Her school is aware of the situation.

Any advice would be gratefully rec'd, I'm tearing my hair out not being able to do anything

Thanks for all the replies rec'd so far, theres just 1 point I would like to clear up, 'the evil step-mother' thing is a joke between me and the kids, we have a good relationship, which is one of the reasons her mum doesn't like us to have too much contact.

I spoke to her on the phone this morning and told her I would try and get her parents to agree to her coming over today to chat and they have both refused so far.

I am still trying and will continue to try and help in any way I can

Answer 1

Hon, you must ler her Dad and Mom work on with this.. You are stepping out of the bounds.. I know you want to help and I so admire you for it.. You are in a tough spot. But you are gonna be damned if you do and damned if you don`t..

God bless & Hugs from Texas. {:-)
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Answer 2

Wow, sounds like you won the lottery, here. How dissapointing is it that you're the one trying to be the rational adult and out of the three, and you're the one who is third in line?

Unfortunately for you, the father has to call the shots here, and it sounds like he left his manhood at the alter. If his and the mom's approach is apathy, isolation and shame, you will be reaping the whirlwind if you try to force something. If you're describing yourself as the "wicked stepmother", I'm assuming your relationship with your stepdaughter is not good.

What should you do? Express your extreme outrage to your husband that he's sitting on his hands idle while his teenage daughter is dealing with being pregnant, would be a good start. This kid will almost be ready for preschool before she graduates! Question his stinkin' manhood. Tell him how little respect you have for him right now. If that doesn't at least get him angry enough to do something or get him opened up to the pain he must be feeling, then I'd say you've got a long haul ahead of you being married to this guy.

I wish what I had to say had more of a silver lining, but polite platitudes just won't get it done on this one. I wish you all the best in the world here.

Answer 3

First off, thats the trouble with being the "evil stepmother"...

They dont really "want" you involved, because you are "an outsider". The Father has to take charge of this situation, as its his responsibility, (seeing that the Mother of this child has no grasp on the situation, but to ground her after the fact).

Now, the girl obviously went "wild" after the parents divorce, and tried to get pregnant, or may be pregnant, because she was getting no love, (percieved), from anyone and wanted a baby to love her as no one else would. She never realized this would complicate her life, as she is just a child.

The Father obviously neglected the child long enough to let her "do" this thing, or, she may have done it when she was under her Mothers control and he had no support in this, as her Mothers has issues, because of the divorce.

There is nothing Children Services can do, except give the girl counceling, take the child away from the parents, put her in a "home", or take the child, away from the child, once it is born.

I "would" contact the parents of the boy, once the pregnancy is known as a "fact", for support. (That young man is going to be responsible for the upbringing of the child, one way or another, either helping out, or when he is able to get a job, financially, until its 18).

Now, whether she marries the boy or not, is a moot point. As they dont seem to do that now days, (as in the old days), so, financial support is the best you will get, and that wont start for a few years, so, you will have to get the courts involved.

I wish you well..

Jesse

Answer 4

Just cuz she is grounded shouldnt mean that you cant go there you are an adult. If her mom wont let you see her thats a problem that shows bad parenting. Give her the test through her window and ask her to take it. Her parents need to face reality and know that if she is pregnant it isnt going to go away whether they know for sure or not. Also she cant be grounded from you - you became one of her parents when you married her father and her mom should understand that. I think that if you are the only one to show her that you care, she actually may come around and like you if you are calm and cool about it. This could be your chance for her to stop thinking you are the evil step mother, lets just hope its not evil step GRAND mother!!! Good luck!

Answer 5

If the school is aware and they have not informed SS then it's probably nothing they can help with. It sounds to me as though she has two very selfish parents and this child is doing what she thinks will get their attention, albeit in a distructive way. If neither of them sees fit to get her tested, either at home or the docs or your local health department then perhaps you should think about giving protective services a ring. They at least will investigate the matter and it might be the wake up call these two *adults* need.

Answer 6

I say take control and do what you need to do to help this poor girl! If not youll only feel guilty later on, especially if she keeps sliding down the wrong path and these bad ways continue. She obviously needs a strong willed mother/father in her life, yea she might get pissed and hate you now, but in the long run she will have a bond with you and understand how you are the only one who cares that shes making the right decisions in life. Dont feel any less superior b/c your step -mother! You ARE able to something! Tell the family you guys are going to lunch & take her to the doctor to get tested if the home thing doesnt work. Tough love, it works!!

Answer 7

Get her an abortion ASAP...

14 too young to be a mum and it will ruin her life, as will adoption and it will hurt her.

Both her having a kid or adoption witll hurt a kid too...


Look at the level of abuse of those in foster homes.

Plus how can she act her age and go clubvbign or a good job...


So be a grown up and see she gets the operation to fix her up no different to if she had a knife in her or a broken arm.


If her parents dont like that stuff them, they dont appear to care.

Bit bloody late to have hher grounded... horse and bolted come s to mind

If not pregnat.... phewwwwwwwwwwwwwwww...


Now then get her on a depro injection... I would not trust her to take a PILL and hand her condoms...


You in the end cant stop her and kids grow up... this one is early... Hopefully she should suss out its better waiting a bit but if not at least that way no more pregnancy scares...


You have to be realistic and fight the battles you can win.

Most are sexual by 16-17... Whats that? two years?


Discurage if you can but dont be deluded into thinking you can stop her as she can bunk off school or a quickie behind bike sheds.

Being a grown up is being realistic and putting in place safety where you can... Ie not putting spiked fences around a school as kids go over them... slippy fences are better.

understand?


She despirately needs your help and support but not in the way you think...


You cant stop it, you hnned to help her through it and that is like you by the safety gear and make sure she takes it... First priotiry

Then discurage.


But if pregnant for pities sake adpot and do it soon


And get morning after pills for next time and makes sure she can come to you...


And also make sure she knows she can get pregnant from fingers with seimin on, slashes in the right spot. If guy withdraws etc etc...


And make her look after the screamists baby, sticnkiest nappy and show here waht motherhood is like...


Ie cant go out, no sleep, no guy will want her etc


****************************


Additional it takes two to tango so its doubtful if she was miss sweet and innocent and the boy if her age was the evil currpter.

So at this point if thats the case there would be no benfit in arresting the boys...


More likly given the girls state of mind they may both take a leaf or out Romeo and Juliret and kill themselves or try for attention and accidently succeed.

The poster above who says this may be a reaction to parents divorce may also be right...


So as said someone has to deal with it, and thats the responsible one... Not nec the parents...


Just like I do her regarding sex ed despite what a certain twisted individual thinks ie try and take responsibility and help as you can.

Answer 8

If it seems the parents are disinterested I would definitely get Social Services or the Police involved. It is illegal for under 16's to have sex at all, so the boy will be in trouble, and maybe someone will take notice and sort out any further problems before they develop.

Answer 9

My friend is in the exact same situation, and her parents dont want to deal with it, and shes sleeping with every guy in school .

When i started having sex, i asked my mom to get me on birth control

Dont wait for her to come around and tell you, it doesnt work that way, and it might be too late. Talk to her about it, dont try and punish her because it wont work, she will still be having sex. Tell her its okay to talk about it and offer to go down to the clinic with her and get on birth control.

If she is not diciplined enough to remember or take the pill, I would suggest depo provera, a three month birth control injection, thats what i started off on when i was having sex.

Talking and accepting the situation is the key, Good luck to you.

Answer 10

I once had an friend that had a same problem. My friend told me that she needed someone who would understand her situtation, rather than someone who would point out all her mistakes. Try telling your step-daughter that you want to understand her situation, and that you want to support her. And dont say anything like, " You should've done....." Nobody likes to be corrected. Dont worry your step daughter will find out her own mistakes. But, just for now she probably just needs some support. You're already showing that you care for her, by writing this question. Why not support her with this situation.

Answer 11

well hun.... Im only 14 myself, but I think you're doing the rite thing. When the girl realizes that she is in real need she'll come. And for her mother and father... they aren't that good of parents to not let her come over and take a PG test to make sure. I know if I was pregnant my mom would make take a PG test wherever I could. In fact she made my 3 months pregnant cousin take one! Thats how good she is. But anyways you have my mom's heart and props to you!