i need answers for something that happend when i came out back in '03?

Question

i was outed by my cousin, to my mom. when my mom asked me if i was a lesbian, and i said 'yes', she went and told my dad(i wasn't privy to the conversation), and came back n told me that my dad had said i had to get out, bc he didn't want that kind of influence on my little brother. and she said she told him that 'no, no matter what she is, she's still our daughter, and she's staying'. my dad, when asked, claimed that my mom had been the one that said i had to leave, and that he had said that i could stay at home. both my parents are devout southern baptists, and very anti-gay, so i don't know who to believe. which side sounds more plausable?

Answer 1

mmm I think they may have both said you should go, then they realized that you were their flesh and blood and both decided that they were wrong and you should stay.
Don't hold it against either of them....parents always love their children no matter what they do, and your just the daughter that God made for them.

Answer 2

If you love your parents, believe that they both want you to stay. Your Mom told you that she wanted you to stay. Your Dad told you that he wanted you to stay. Believe that part and just forget the other. Don't worry about whether or not it is true. They obviously care about you. Since they are devout southern baptists, I would just not bring up the issue again. It may be easier for them to "forget" that you are a lesbian. They may come around yet. Give them time and just show them that you are still the same loving daughter that you always were.

Answer 3

Humm, sounds like they both could have freaked out at first hearing you were a lesbian. There is no way to know for sure unless you get them in a room together and ask them. Say that you have been thinking about it and it bugs you not to know who reacted in what way to your coming out. Maybe ask when you all are driving somewhere together so one can't walk out and not answer the question. In my opinion I would say your Mother stood up for you and your Father freaked. Have they come around any? Have you talked to your brother about it? You should try to get them to go to a PFLAG meeting for more infomation and to talk to other parents. Do you think over time having a lesbian child will make them less anti-gay or what?

Answer 4

Well someone is lying and that is a big sin under the church so they musnt be devouted southern baptists! Say that to them.. Put them on the spot.. you will know from there body language who is lying and who is telling the truth!
Or you can ask straight out "mum did you say I had to leave and then lie to me" if she straight up answers NO then she is probably telling the truth.. If she says "why would I say something like that" that is generally the answer of someone who is lying.. Then say the same to your dad and you will put 2 and 2 together and figure out who is telling the truth!

Answer 5

Well, did you smack your cousin for outing you to your parents! Jeez! ANYWAY, If this was their first personal exposure to anything other than good ole' fashion Southern Baptists, then they both may have said things they later regretted...both to each other in that private conversation and later to you. More important than who said what, how are they to you now? If they love you and accept you, then accept that they both decided they didn't want you to leave. (But if I had to guess, I'd suspect Dad's first reaction. Men tend, in general, to have a harder time accepting unexpected occurances. I doubt he really wanted you to leave, he was probably surprised and upset, same as mom.) However, if he's loving and accepting, then like I said, focus on the fact he wants you to stay now.

Answer 6

You may never know who said what in this situation. One of them is obviously embarrassed by what they said, and hence they are lying. How are your parents now? Are they feeling better about the whole gay thing? It has been 3 years, and they didn't kick you out. It was probably just something they wish they had never said. You know, in the heat of the moment.

This may not be the answer you're looking for, but you may just have to let this one go.

Answer 7

Sounds like your parents are liars and not very good Christians - they can't even find love in their heart for their own child.

Seriously remember that saying a couple of years back - WWJD - - would Jesus have put you out on the street? I think not!

Set them both down together and talk to them and tell them how disappointed in them you are - they should have more Christian spirit than what they are showing!

Answer 8

wow, that one is confusing. It sounds like they were covering for each other. One of the two didn't want you there, and they tried to decided who it would be the one to kick you out. Who it would hurt your feelings less from? Well, The only thing you can do is ask. One of them had an open mind and one of them didn't. Sounds like you are going to have to search your heart and the hearts of your parents for this one.

I would tell your cousin anymore secrets.

Answer 9

what is your relationship like NOW with your parents? I'm guessing they probably both, at first, wanted you out. but, people who were brought up in strict, have been, unfortunately, raised to "hate" gays and anyone "different" (i.e. not Christian or have beliefs different from their own).
I hope things are better now....but are you still talking to that cousin? it was none of their business to say anything to your parents...

Answer 10

Hard to say, and I'm not sure it matters now anyway. If neither of them actually told you to leave, and you stayed as long as you wanted to, then it really sounds to me like they both decided to try to accept the new you, regardless of their original misgivings.