I am married. How do I make things right with my ex b/f after a phone call telling him I missed him?

Question

I have been married for 6 years and haven't been with my ex for 9 years. The problem is I was really cruel to him and even though we are email buddies I still feel a lot of guilt about the way I treated him. I can't seem to get over it and think about it all the time. The other night I was drunk and called him. I told him I missed him and now I know he still loves me. I know a part of me still loves him because love never dies. I think it was selfish of me to call him because I was only thinking of myself, not thinking that he might possibly miss me too (or about how my husband would feel). Now I have been in sort of a depression for the last few days, crying and trying to figure things out as to why I did this. I know I shouldn't have called and I feel horrible about opening this can of worms. I should have kept my thoughts to myself. Any advice about how to deal with the ex or my feelings? I want to remain friends. Why do I hurt the ones I love the most?

Answer 1

You're torturing yourself... why? Does part of you feel you made a mistake marrying someone else? Would you really want the ex boyfriend back?
I think you need to grow up a bit. Let the ex go. Ex means it's over, done, finito. You can remain friends, but keep a distance. Best is not to talk to him for a long while until you get your head straight. Prioritize your life. Your first obligation now is to your husband and your marriage to him, not some crazy notion about the ex. You really ought to draw a line between your former single life and your life now. Act like an adult and get on with your life.
If you really want the ex back, then do your husband a favor and leave him. It wouldn't be fair to keep him tied in a marriage for your convenience.

Answer 2

oh dear you're right you did open a can of worms, and posting it on yahoo answers may not have been your best move, a lot of people are mean and judgmental and may end up depressing you even more... but i guess you already knew that and you are just in a venting mood. well.. vent on but you know very well that no one here is going to help you get through this. I don't think it would be a good idea to tell your husband what you did, it just would not bode well, call your ex back and appologize you may end up hurting him again but its better than keeping him on a string and your husband oblivious. Do the right thing, it may not be that you called him because you were still in love with him , it seems that you are simply still being eaten up by guilt. Try to let your ex go and focus on the man that is supposed to be the center of your world. The man you married

Answer 3

Tough situation. You really need to first figure out if you love your husband or not. Why are you still friends with your ex anyways. Stuff like that I think is always a problem. Especially an ex. Because at any time you can have those feelings come back. Cause lets say you get in a fight with the hubby and then think you know my ex would have never done somthing like that and then you probably call him and talk to him about it. I mean I don't really know but I think that way. I mean if you really love him and he loves you too then why are you married to your husband for 6 years while still having feelings for your ex. You obvioulsy must love him cause why would you call him when you were drunk. That just aint right you know especially for your husband. Would you like it if the tables were turned. You need to think of your husbands feelings too. I don't think you should even stay friends with him. Unless you know you care for him more than you do your husband. You need to really sit down and think this over and I think you should talk to your husband too. I know how bad that sounds. Does your husband know that you still talk to your ex? Tough Tough thing your going through. Think it over and listen to your heart. Who makes you happy and who do you really love?

Answer 4

if you are married....really you shouldn't be telling your ex you miss him, this will give the wrong signals to him making him feel that there are problems in your marriage, this is a question you need to ask yourself....your making him feel as though there is a chance for him to re enter your life emotionally, if you still harbor feelings for your ex, you really need to decide where your heart lies, with your husband or with your ex......you know i have been through a similar problem, but when i really analyzed why i felt this way i realized it was because my ex was really good in bed he knew just the right way to hold me, and the passion i felt was more great than it was with my husband, but then i came to my senses and realized, there was more of a soul/spiritual connection with my husband than there was with my ex, realized with my ex it was just the heat of the moment, fleeting moment kind of love, that would not have lasted....you cant base a relationship on just sex.....it wont last, after a while the novelty wears off, and how would you feel if this is the case and you lost your husband, and realized the ex is not what you remember him to be. You need to weigh up the pros's and con's seriously.

Answer 5

Wow,it seem to me you are both on the same page but she does have a boyfriend, andif she is not happy with him, then she should end things with hhim first, before resuming things with you, based on her reply when you told her your feelings then, I would not say you messed up, you were just upfront and honest with how you felt, but do you feel that way because she has someone else,or are these true feelings. She still has strong feelings for you, but I would wait until things are over between her and him,but keep the communicatiom open. I also think itis commendable that you did not come inside with her,I am quite sure things would have happened(you know what I am saying). so good luck, keep the communication open, and finally Take your time, you are both young and have your whole life ahead of you, treasure what you have, in your friendship, do not destroy that, but please take your time, and let her end things first before you proceed any further.

Answer 6

"Don't beat yourself up over it." Learn from your mistake and move forward and onward from here on out. Start by dealing with your own feelings and get real and honest with yourself... Take it from there..... And if you still have struggles, Post another question... No one is perfect and the booze is partly to blame. Maybe it is not good for you. None the less, it is time to face up to your feelings Chicky. And trust that you will make the right decisions... For all involved... ~ Best wishes ~

Answer 7

thats not a question it's a novel.you don't sound very happy. can i interest you in a game of yahoo pool and some good conversation to take your mind off your problems.or do you think it will complicate things further. if you like the pool idea come see me in the alien room. but only if it is what you want (no pressure) hope this helps.

Answer 8

where you were selfish was to your husband, thats not fare to him, you walked away from your other relationship,and comitted yourself to a new one, as it says, you made your bed lye in it, make your marrage work,if you have a good hubby, this isint right to hurt him to.you and your ex both screwed up in the past, dont screw up again. think about it,your relationship, not your past one, or youll destroy alot of lives.

Answer 9

You have to decide of the bridge you wanna be?

you can't have both of two sides, it's an illusion which you are chacing in order to cover up for probably all the sexual famine with husband.

if you decide to cross over then that's it, it so easy to do so

Answer 10

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