How do i make her realize that she's hurt me?

Question

We've been married for 16 years. 4 years into our marriage right after our first child , we were at my dads place for the weekend and my brothers girlfriend flirted and kissed me, yes i kissed back. Got caught that same night. I appologized and felt like dirt. It came up a few times in fights and she said she ows me. I said no because that would be different. If she goes out and seeks an affair , its deliberate and hurtfull. I told her i wouldn't forgive her. sighh well she had a depression 2years ago ( something hereditary unfortunatly) and i helped her through it all.. it was bad. Now she is in another depression and has confessed to cheating on me 6 months ago. We only kissed 3 or 4 times at the bar she says. We had done cocaine before we had children ,we did it for maybe a week and never ever again. She reveals to me that he and her were also taking cocaine in the bathroom and making out. :| She calls it revenge, i call it devastating! I love her with a barely beating heart:(

Answer 1

If she is calling in revenge then she already know she is hurting you and she does realize it - that is why it is revenge. The question is do you want to stay in a relationship like this anymore. She is a grown woman and she knows that cocaine is bad - regardless of the depression - tell her you are tired of living in the past with her, but if the self-distructive behaviors (the drug abuse and the affair(s)) and if she can't do that you know this is a reason why people does get divorces.

Answer 2

Your heart has been broken. Drugs, unfaithfulness, depression, revenge, stolen kisses. Sounds like a train wreck to me.
The good thing about life is that we have second chances , third, foutth and fifth chances.....etc. Some times it is time to start again.
I think she knows how much she has hurt you, that is why she did what she did. It is so much better to be in a relationship that builds up each other and not tear each other down.
If you get out of the valley you will realize how good life can be.
The only way is up, sometimes we have to make that choice to move on. You will always love her, but not be able to live with her.

Answer 3

What comes around goes around...but if you love her and can forgive her as she forgave you then you need to tell her, I feel that she is probley going through a depression now because she feels bad about her affair.

Just tell her how you feel Rusty, and you either forgive and forget or walk out. Holding it does no good for anyone. Forgiving is actually the easiest part, it's the forgetting thats hell.