How can I cure my hetero-phobia?

Question

You've heard of homophobia I'm sure, but as a gay man who has encountered name-calling and harrassment, and was even beat up once by str8 guys, I think I've become somewhat heterophobic, but only towards men.

When I see a really macho str8 guy I automatically cringe inside and get scared. I don't get scared that he'll beat me up or anything, because quite frankly I'm very built and don't act flamboyant at all, you'd never know I was gay in the first place. I still just get this fear whenever I'm around really macho str8 men, maybe I'm afriad that they'll find out and in return they'll be HOMO-phobic.

I don't know, any suggestions? I have like one or two str8 guy friends, but they're very open minded and not the "meat-head/macho" types anyway.

Oh, and if you're an ignorant A$$wipe that would like to say something like, "Why don't you just turn str8 and be normal?" Then save it, I've encountered much more harrassment from this world than you could dish out in a couple sentences.

Ok, in response to the latter comments. I know I'm not going to hell, I believe in God. I was never sexually abused as a child. I grew up with a dog, white picket fence, two siblings, in an upper-class, strictly devout Christian home with two equally love parents. And I started to have feelings for the same-sex when I was only 4 years old.

So why don't you haters open your ignorant and brainwashed minds up a bit and catch up with the 21st century....or it will leave in its dust.

Answer 1

Take out your glock and threaten to wack the mf's. Seriously, these guys are only scared of you because of their own insecurities regarding sexuality. The typical straight guy doesn't want even the thought of himself being the slightest bit gay to his friends or family. Its his reputation for getting chicks and acceptance on the line. The disdain for gay people, (which the majority of straight guys do not have) comes about from the homophobic bad apples in the group. For example, "why are you hanging around or even talking to that gay guy" ---says the homophobic "alpha male" ---he's a fg't -- are you a fg't too? Its the "bad apples" who probably fantasy about giving bj to guys that make it hell for out of closet or overtly gay people. There are a lot of these guys and they are usually the leader.

Fortunetly, most of the others are just going along with the group and couldn't care less what you do in the privacy of your own bedroom; but don't have enough courage to stand up to the alpha male. This is the key to your survival among straight guys. Get to know one of the cool straights and eventually he will defend you to the others. Eventually, you'll be going out for drinks and scamming on chicks with guys (be careful what you wish for). You might even get them to go to your bars as well.

A sidenote--from a social standpoint--this statistic that 60% of men have had some gay experience in terms of behavior or thoughts or whatever is the KEY to ending this damn overt fear of gay people. Because basically, everyone is curious about same sex stuff. Straight people are so scared of what their peers will think they will never admit it even though it doesn't make them gay.

Answer 2

would you consider the possibility that some of these straight, macho types could be gay themselves? The "bear" types don't see much action because the pretty boys are so in vogue these days, but they're out there.

It's really hard to overcome the abuse you have suffered. Many women have the same issues after being exposed to male violence, so you are not alone. The best way I can think of is for you to get some counseling to heal emotionally. Maybe then you'll discover that you do not deserve to live you life in fear. You will have many more relationships with men, and you may encounter male violence there, too, since violence is not gender or sexual orientation specific.

A self defense or martial arts class could raise your self esteem (not to mention a great place to meet guys, straight or not) and your confidence. I know you're already built, but it could help you emotionally as well.

Above all, remember to trust your instincts. If a specific person gives you the heebie-jebbies, your gut could be telling you something.

Best wishes!

Answer 3

Im actually quite qualified in this field so here it goes: Phobias are actually an anxiety disorder marked by a persistent, irrational fear and avoidance of a specific object or situation. In your situation, I do not believe it is quite as strong as a phobia but rather just a common fear of heights since your situation doesn't seem persistent nor does it disrupt your everyday activity. As for a cure, you need to work on systematic desensitization. This means that you should work in small steps to overcome this fear. A couple ways would be to look at pictures of higher heights then work into moving up ladders more often. You can work step by step and eventually you will become more accustomed and comfortable if you keep a continual schedule to face the fear (in small amounts at a time).

Answer 4

Your heterophobic with good reason. We live in a day and age where homophobia is extremely prevalent, so you have a valid reason to fear that guys might judge and or avoid you if they figure out you are gay.

Probably another issue for you is that you fear you may reveal your attraction to macho male types and put them in an awkward situation. Nothing is more awkward than making someone else feel awkward.

Anyway, those are just my two cents. (I'm straight, btw)
don't you love how straight guys always have to clarify that?

Answer 5

I am a lesbian and i honestly dont blame you, If I were you i probably would have went crazy and made out a hit list. I hate ignorant people like that and I am a person that if you knew me or seen me you would not know i was gay and I know what it is like thats why I do not tell people that i am gay untill i get there gay perspective and when they say something stupid about gay people i will curse them out and cut them out of my life I wish they would let a ***** be. I mean if that is the way you feel it is completely normal because i have been there. If you need someone to talk to I am here e-mail me
prncbab
P.S. ditto to what you said after your p.s. you stupid *** people like that pisses me off cause i grew up in a decent home youngest of four and a decent background and no one else in my family is gay but me. Keep your dumb *** comments to yourself

Answer 6

Okay this is really ridiculous. A guy comes here with a serious question and you bash him. Who the hell are you to judge anybody? You say stay in your gay community, well the problem with that is we do create our own community and it is invaded by heteros. Why can't you stay out of our communities. I guess it must be that hidden gay gene that brings you. You wonder why people are hetero phobic ..... look at your attitudes. I hope all of you heteros have children that grow up to be gay or lesbian. As for a solution for you ...I don't know that there is one.

Answer 7

I don't know. I just judge people on an individual bases by how they treat me. I have lots of str8 friends and haven't had much in the way of harrassment. I am big and strong and that may have some affect on it. I hope you are able to solve your problem brother.

Answer 8

As a man thinkth so is he.Change the way you look at straight guys.Watch a DVD called the Secret www.secret.com It states that we attract what is going on around us.And you must learn to change the way you precieve straight guys.Imagine when you get near them that everything is going to be great!!You can actually put out vibes that lets them sub-conciously know you are afraid of them.Rue-Paul ain't never been scared of nobody!!

Answer 9

I feel the same way, except towards Christians. I know that msot Christians are good people, but those few that . . . well, you know. I wish I could get over my christianophobia; I'm slowly working on it. Hopefully I'll get over my bigotophobia too (except thats not quite a phobia, being the only phobia is that I'll beat the crap out of someone--I did it once before at a party and . . . well, a bloody mouth didn't change his opinion.)

Answer 10

It's much easier said than done: Don't worry about it. If you're friends are fine with you then that's all that matters. Be more worried about your upcoming date or finding the right partner. Face your fears. Walk up to a "macho" guy and tell him your gay. If he hits you SUE him till he can't get it up anymore.

Answer 11

You have to learn that you are infinitely superior to such shitheaded types, so their opinion is irrelevant. Would you be upset if an ant didn't like you? They are irrelevant. When you really know you are better than they are you won't care what their childish, provincial, quaint little opinion is.

Learn that gay people are not a minority, but an elite. Who cares what the hets think?