Marriage or long term relationship??

Question

I am wondering if I should break up with my boyfriend of 6 yrs.
Because I don't see marriage here. And plus, even if he asked
me, I don't know if I would want to? Does being married matter?
Or, should I end it, and eventually marry. Don't know how I really
feel, confused I guess...Any ideas?

Answer 1

I think it would be silly for you to break up with each other just because you guys arent married....some people just arent ready for marriage.....i think that being married helps couples because they take a vow under god, so god helps them through thick and thin... my godparents have not been married and they have been together for 30 years... If you love him and he loves you, everything will work out fine...marriage or not.

Answer 2

some ideas-

common law of The USA says you're legally married after being together 5 years (i'm not sure).

Marriage is not a good bet these days- the odds are against success (and depending on your definition of success...)

Long term relationship? I'd say keep 'em to under 5 years.

Being married matters because you make each other happy. But being on your own, or single, or dating, or in short term relationships can make you happy too.

What i've found is that the only thing that sustains me is health and friends. Both come and go, go and come- which is nice.

Breaking hearts is part of creating happiness because we need change, freshness, to evolve.

Answer 3

This is something we obviously can’t answer, except to share our personal experience, and perhaps suggest things that might help you find the answer for yourself. In any case, I find the question interesting, so I will offer a few thoughts.

Personal experience: Neither my wife nor I had planned to get married. We were both in our 40’s when we met, neither of us had been married before, and we did not believe in several of the traditional aspects of marriage. Marriage evolved as part of a system that treated women as property, and the main purpose was to control female sexuality (so that men could know that they are passing their family name and wealth to their biological offspring), and to form social/political alliances between families. Today it still serves these purposes, but it is also good for tax write-offs and employment benefits. Also, neither my wife nor I believe that life-long monogamy is an appropriate ideal for us. There is no biological or spiritual imperative to commit to monogamy for life. But we DO value the basic sense of security and connection that comes with a commitment to life-long relationship – the idea of sharing our lives together, growing old together – love, honor, and cherish in sickness and in health till death do us part… so after 4 years of living together, we decided to get married. Now we’ve been married for 4 years, and it has not hurt us a bit. We seem to grow more deeply in love every day. Non-monogamy works extremely well for us. Neither of us would want a traditional marriage. I don’t know your views on monogamy, so most of this might be completely irrelevant, but for whatever it may be worth, this was our experience. (If you ever want to talk more about the practicalities of non-monogamous marriage, you are welcome to email me.)

Now for a couple of general musings: If you do feel a need for life-long monogamy and commitment, then you should probably plan to get married someday. With marriage comes some messy legal issues if you ever want to break up, but those who play the role of the homemaker might actually WANT the messy legal complexities because these can keep them “living in the manner to which they were accustomed” until they can get back into the job market, so depending on your role in the relationship, marriage can be advantageous for various practical reasons.

If you do want to get married someday, and you need a monogamous commitment with your current boyfriend, then I guess you should break up because you might have trouble dating and being monogamous at the same time. But if you think non-monogamy might be an option, then there is really no reason to dump your boyfriend – at least not yet. My personal view is to go for polyamory, so you might never have to break with your boyfriend at all, but if you need a monogamous marriage, then you will have to break up eventually, so it’s just a matter of when.

Someone above mentioned children. If you need monogamy, and want children, then marriage is the way to go. I would add, however, that polyamory can offer many advantages to child-raising (it can have some of the same advantages as an old-fashioned extended family, which I think is better than the “nuclear family” model). So even if you want children, you need not feel that a traditional monogamous marriage is your only option. But, of course, it all depends on your feelings about that sort of thing.

That’s how things look to me. Hopefully you can find some tidbit of value in all this.

And, hey…how’d you know I was a vampire? ;-)

Answer 4

If your not going to have kids, or dont have kids together then it sounds like you dont need to be married.
Also sounds like you may be looking fo approval to move on.

I dont know that being married matters in your case
It s hard to imagine spending your entire life with someone your not so sure about.

If you stay in it , might just be because its like a habit, or just comfortable.Depends on what you want in the long run.

I believe love can happen more than once.

Answer 5

i think you are too hung up on the "marriage" thing. first, you should find the person that makes you happy, that loves you for who you are and what you could be. if you can see yourself spending the rest of your life with them (or something close to it), married or not, then maybe you have found the person meant for you. marriage does not make a relationship solid. people do.

Answer 6

Take the time to focus and figure out exactly what it is you need in a marital relationship. If it's there, marry him. If not, don't - and get out there and find the right guy. He's probably looking for you, hopefully. Drop the auditioning-thing and take the time to build a real relationship BEFORE deciding.

Answer 7

I believe people who stay 2gether that long and say they dont want to get married are in love enough to stay with that person,butdont love the person enough to completely shut the door to other suitors.They want to have their cake(have you to themselves)and eat it too(still have the oppurtunity open to jump to the next lili pad when they finally get bored with you without going to hell for it).It's up to you to decide whether or not you're comfy with that set up.

Answer 8

What do you want? If you want to be married and you don't see it happening with this guy then it is time to bail. If you will be happy with a non-formally-committed relationship then keep on keeping on.

Answer 9

The only advantage is when the time comes to break up, you leave. No divorce, no real responsibility

Answer 10

marriage