they've known that i'm gay for about 7 years at least. I've been with my girlfriend for 3, and we've lived together for over a year. They always said, "we don't have a problem with you being gay, we love you however you are." BUT... they never call her my girlfriend. always by her first name and often as my "roomate." I think they are afraid what relatives and friends might think. (though i get a vibe from my relatives that they all know i'm gay, too) however, tonight on the phone my dad called my girlfriend my "roomate" and it was a one on one conversation, me and him.
What is up with this? It makes me upset. But I don't want to criticize them too hard. I'm flying out to visit them in 2 days, so what could I say to them to make them understand?
2006-07-11 16:13:06 · 14 answers · asked by thirty-one characters 4 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
note to mel : I am a girl. I used the male avatar because none of the girl avatars look anything like me. this is pretty close to what i look like in real life. i'm assuming there's some other people who do this also?
2006-07-11 16:50:30 · update #1
You are asking your parents to absorb alot of different choices in your life...don't be so hard on them. They come from the "don't ask, don't tell...and by all means don't discuss it!" generation...they love you, no matter who your with. They've made that clear...give them some latitude for that much at least. You don't want them putting you in a "box", saying this is how you should be...don't do it to them either.
2006-07-11 16:19:22 · answer #1 · answered by evemarkra 5 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Maybe you could casually ask why they don't say girlfriend. Some people get stuck if the person isn't a husband or wife, because the title doesn't seem adaquate. They could still be processing or skittish. I don't know how important this is to you, but , being Pagan, I have had my share of skirting around certain words and names for my relatives comfort. They don't care for the words pagan and such, so therefor I and my friends are "hippies" and "newagers". It's not going to change the world, so I just let it go. If, however, you are very serious about your girlfriend and her place with you, you might have to risk your comfort zone with your parents. It may be they don't realize they have fallen into this pattern. Enjoy your visit and good luck.
2006-07-11 23:29:15 · answer #2 · answered by Myr 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have been with my girlfriend for 3 years and recently when we visited her parents they GAVE US SEPERATE BEDS!!! when there was a double bed in the other room.. Her parents tell people im her "travel partner" Her gran said in front of me "so kate when are you going to get a gentleman friend" Parents are ashamed of how it makes them look.. When Kate told her mum about me she said "you know this is a reflection upon the parents kate" it has nothing to do with them.. Perhaps what you should do is correct them and introduce your girlfriend as your girlfriend!
Kate has told her parents over and over to quit with the "travel partner" but they wont! They are embarrassed.. There is nothing she can say that will make them stop!
I really hope it works out for you.. be strong and remember that your happiness is the most important.. Over your parents/family/friends.. Your parents are putting there happiness first in calling your GF your roommate, because obviously they dont care about how you feel!!!!
2006-07-12 02:07:12 · answer #3 · answered by Jade H 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Even if you do refer to her as your girlfriend, in their generation's language, a girlfriend meant a female friend. Heck, even people my age (mid-late 30s) who had older parents refer to female friends as girlfriends. Maybe you need to spell it out a little better for them? Have they been to your place? Are they aware that you share a bedroom and a bed? Have you had any kind of commitment ceremony? Do you plan to? If you have friends who have, bring that up and tell them you have a similar relationship with your girlfriend, and (maybe hypothetically?) how would they feel if you had one? Talk from your heart. They may be hearing you. but not really listening.
2006-07-11 23:28:19 · answer #4 · answered by Gabby_Gabby_Purrsalot 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Correct them flat out. Be like "you mean my girlfriend?". Proceed. In the ensuing conversation, ask them how it would feel if you referred to them as the other's "friend" or "roommate". it completely invalidates the relationship that exists there. From the sounds of it, they're at least trying to understand, so you helping them...should end well. Good luck.
2006-07-13 03:41:57 · answer #5 · answered by Atropis 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sometimes, when we know something and we don't say it outloud, then maybe it is not all the way true......but if we voice it outloud, then it has to be true! this might be your parents way of acknowledging, but not accepting your relationship. if your family treats you good and love you lots, then some things we have to learn to over look and forgive. and maybe you could sit down and explain that it hurts you when they don't accept the person you fell in love with as you girlfriend, not roomate. good luck
2006-07-11 23:23:55 · answer #6 · answered by dragonfly 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It takes time for family member to adjust. My partners sister calls me Cara's friend. We've been together for four years. I'm annoyed by it, but it doesn't change my relationship with my partner.
It's their deal. Although it's insulting to you and your partner you may not get the response you want.
That being said, they are your parents. You can tell them how you feel, they can do what they want with that. But you have done your part and that's all you can do.
2006-07-11 23:52:58 · answer #7 · answered by yikes_its_a_humdinger 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It may not have anything to do with you being gay. I'm straight and living with my boyfriend, and my dad sometimes refers to my boyfriend as my roommate. I try not to force the issue. In my parents' opinion, unless I'm married to him, my boyfriend is unimportant to them. My suggestion is not to force the issue. You can't make people accept things they don't understand.
2006-07-11 23:44:39 · answer #8 · answered by Amaunette 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you refer to her as your girlfriend when talking to your parents? If so then continue to do it during conversations constently, and maybe they will get the picture. They probably just use those terms to be pc and trying not to insult anyone.
2006-07-11 23:19:39 · answer #9 · answered by brian_wcu 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think that they still agree with you and your "roomate" girlfriend............If you want to talk to them then start out by asking them how they feel about you and your life.........If they don't talk well then you may have to give it time......time heals all things
2006-07-11 23:16:43 · answer #10 · answered by snuggels102 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋