I need help regarding custody of my son, any suggestions?

Question

Long pathetic story, basically, my fiance has was and probably still is cheating on me,and I have evidence, and many witnesses to back up my claims. unfortunately she has had a history of lying and making up stories. What I want is what is best for my son. Will a judge take into account the mothers background and history,as well as character witness when determining the legal custodian?

Answer 1

It doesn't look good for you. The simple fact that you're the father is the poison arrow. Dad's almost always get the legal shaft in these situations. Save your pennies, take out a loan, do whatever you can to secure the best lawyer around. It's your only hope. Good luck.

THE PESKY WABBIT is on a very high horse indeed. Don't fall off kiddo. Love has nothing to do with legality (marriage). If you can't see that, you've never been in love and probably never will be. If the joke behind the "sanctity of marriage" and the landslide stats of married couples cheating on each other doesn't prove this to you, well I give up. Ignorance is bliss.

But I digress. I hate to say it, but on a legal platform she makes a very valid point. The fact that you haven't yet married will make it that much harder for you to get any custody what so ever.

My brother fought for custody of his daughter (out of wedlock) and was put through the ringer by the state. Basically the state did not want to acknowledge him as the father until he proved paternity. Keep in mind. Had he wanted nothing to do with his child, the state would've established paternity on it's own. This wasn't the case.

Anyway, all of this happend 10 years ago. He did get full custody and now has a happy and healthy 13 year old girl (my niece :). This is only because her mother eventually decided she'd rather live a fancy-free lifestyle than take responsibility for her child. Thank "GOD". Had she decided to fight him, he and his little girl wouldn't have stood a chance.

Answer 2

Try going to a mediator and working it out between the 2 of you. You may be surprized at what you can figure out with out involving lawyers, and judge and the expense of a the legal system. If you cannot come to agreement, a judge would probably order a custody study before making a determination. Each parent would be interviewed and observed interacting with the child by a neutral party(usually a social worker). This professional would submit a report to help the judge make a decision.

The more you can work out and the faster will be best for the child.

My ex-husband is a lying cheat but a pretty good father to our daughters. In some states, moral behavior has no bearing on custody decisions.

Answer 3

Yes, but it may depend upon where you live. Different states have different laws.

I don't know what the problem is with your fiancee or what the age of your son is. But lying and cheating generally aren't grounds for gaining full custody of your son. Most likely you may have some type of shared parenting or shared custody arrangement. Divorced an addict, got custody of my two teenagers. But had to document evidence for my lawyer/court. More and more, courts like to see parents cooperating and sharing the parenting duties. I got custody only by petitioning court during my divorce and working with my attorney to push my case that my home was a better environment for two teenage girls. And in some courts, children may have a say in the arrangement if they are old enough.

I'd just suggest really thinking through the situation. I know my ex was very upset about the custody situation. He has a relationship with the kids (they're all adults now), and custody really has little or nothing to do with visitation. You'll want to encourage a relationship between your son and his mom even if you do get full custody (visitations and such). Don't use your son to get back at your finacee if you're hurt by her lies and cheating. Witnesses probably aren't needed in these situations. Courts will use home investigations if necessary to observe the child's living situation.

Talk to a lawyer. Most will give a free consult for family court cases.

Answer 4

Depends. Something like cheating is not really consdered a slight against the child. The Judge will likely chalk that up to your relationship not working out and the infidelity as proof of that. If the lying is causing direct harm to your child or she is rampantly promiscuous, and that activity puts the child at risk THEN that might have some weight. Also, you don't mention the age of the child. Most courts rely heavily on the opinion of the child if they are of an age to express themselves and their preference. The Judge is not there to pick a side on why your relationship ended and who was right or wrong, but solely what is in the best intrest of the child.

Answer 5

The judge does take all of that into account. I don't know what the law is where you are, but here in VA they did a home study on both of our homes, as well as asked questions from friends & family of both parties. ~ Good Luck. Also do you think that your son would be best with you or her? No matter what has happened with you & her, it is truly your son that has to live with the decision. Do you really think that he would benif from living with you? No matter what kids 9 times out of 10 end up with their mom. Besides, cheating does not mean anything in the eyes of a custody battle. It just means that one of yous werent completley happy. Nothing against the child! Also, the judge will look at it like you chose to sleep with her, and have a child she wasn't the "bad person" then!

Answer 6

Only if you have substantiated proof that she is unfit. The fact that you are not married and have a child tells the Court that you were not responsible enough to be married BEFORE you had children. This still is an influence in our courts. I'm sorry, but you will have to prove that your son would be better off with you. You both were nothing more than live-in prostitutes for each other. What has changed in that regard? You will need to prove that your integrity and your morality is better now than it was and how it is better than that of your "girlfriend."

You didn't love her enough to make her your wife. Why would you have had a child with her if you didn't trust her? If she is just continuing the behavior that was normal when you and she were together, why is her behavior, now, detrimental to the child?

So, just for an aside: Do you think living together before marriage is such a great thing? You have absolutely no rights as her "live-in prostitute."

Answer 7

Yes, the judge will look at the mothers background. You didn't say how old your son was but if he's old enough the judge will also ask him what he wants. I'm sure you know that most of the time mother's get primary custody of the children, so you really need to have your stuff together and retain a good lawyer. Good luck!

Answer 8

I have custody of mine. It's very hard to get because the courts are bias. You need to keep track of everything you see. Get a calendar and mark when she stays out late, how much time she spends with the kid,,, there is just so much you have to prove it's very hard to do.. Really she has to f**k up bad, or give you custody. If she does drugs that's a plus on your side. but if you do ,,, quit, get it out of your system.. you need to be a straight arrow and be able to prove that your the better parent. Not prove you can support the kid better cause all they will do is take all your money and leave you with nothing to live on. I was there at one point.

Answer 9

Get the best lawyer that you can afford. While in theory, both parent's history and parenting skills are supposed to be considered, in most cases the judge looks at the mother as a loving parent and the father as an ATM.

Answer 10

yes its possible that the judge will consider her background, but not on the matter of her cheating u need more than that, like a way to find that she will be an unfit mother to ur child, for instance, her being an alcoholic, doing drugs, n such those things will win the custody of ur son otherwise she might as well get custody of him, or visitation rights!!