How do I let people know that I'm gay without being overly open or flamboyant?

Question

I am a 16 year old gay teen and I think that I am ready to start dating soon. After I come out to other people of course. But most people don't see me as gay because I'm not effeminate and I don't wear my sexuality on my sleeve. Where can I meet other poeple (not on-line) for support, friendship and maybe even a date somewhere in the future?

Answer 1

Usually I tell people whom I do not know very well that I am gay when the topic of wife or girlfriend comes up, though sometimes I do not. When I came out, I told most of my close friends within just a few months, often initiating the topic when talking or when writing a letter. I came out at age 35.

Since you are in high school, you might not be able to tell many of the people you know. In that case, find out what kind of LGBT organizations in your area cater to young people, and contact those organizations. They usually have great networks.

As for dating, let some of your closest friends know, and the word will get around, and as someone above wrote, the guys will come to you! If you do not have close friends, though, this idea may not work. So use the LGBT organizations to start with.

Answer 2

Regrettably, in most places there isn't a lot of "queer space" open to most 16 year olds. Your school might have a GSA (which IS intimidating, but potentially do-able depending on the circumstances; there's always the excuse "Straight allies go too"). You might find something that's not associated with your school (Here it's "GLYS"; Gay and Lesbian Youth Services). Or, failing that, just an establishment to hang out in that happens to attract a lot of other queer people. Coffee shops are pretty good for this. I will definitely say good luck, and add "Be careful", though your rejection of online-ness says you're probably set in the careful category.

Worst case scenario: you wait two years and find an 18+ queer club.

Answer 3

I think you're right not to look online for relationships, but it can be a good resource for finding organizations. In my hometown we had a group calles Stonewall Youth that was all about helping people (teens mostly) come out to their parents/friends, supporting each other and doing things together. You should see if your town has something similar. And don't worry about not being stereotypically gay. One of my best friends is extremely "manly," but he's gay all the way through.

Answer 4

I say that if you just be yourself (however hokey that may sound) you won't have a problem. Some people might be put off on it but just remember that it's THEIR problem and not yours. Don't feel like your obligated to tell anyone about it unless you feel comfortable. My best friend Mark in 10th grade finally came out to me after a long friendship and I already knew! It was no big deal. Mark was still Mark and him being gay didn't make him any less than that. Just don't ever let anyone make you feel bad about who you are, you are still a human being and deserve all the opportunity in the world to be happy.

xoxo
cassandra

Answer 5

You don't have to be effeminate to be gay, & you don't need to show off your sexuality. either. Maybe you can wear a small gay pride pin/badge, tell all your friends and maybe they can help you find someone for you to hang out with. A friend of a friend is always a good way to start!
Remember 10% of the population is gay, and many cities have Gay Pride days & parades. Get out there, enjoy & celebrate! Please don't hide in the cupboard in misery.

Answer 6

Just go into your everyday life and when the subject comes up, correct people if you feel its the right kind of crowd.

Remember, you are not wrong because you out yourself to everyone you meet. It is the individuals you talk to who make assumptions about your sexuality who are wrong. There is no logic behind assuming that everyone is heterosexual.

So when you are talking to someone and it comes up inadvertantly, (So when do I get to meet your girlfriend?) just calmly tell them that you're not straight. Most people will appreciate a low-key mention in the context of the conversation as opposed to announcing it as soon as you meet someone.

Answer 7

You could go to a local GLBTQ youth group for support. I'll link a web-site where you can find one. As for the letting people know I would say just be yourself and if the subject comes up tell them the truth proudly. You could also wear something with a sign like a necklace with rainbow beads or one of the others.

Link: http://www.youthresource.com/about/youth_group.htm

Answer 8

In high school its hard.
Though in some towns you can even find gay bible groups (I swear to God there are pro-gay churches) and all sorts of events like that, you just have to check the papers. College makes things easier. Some people have rainbow pins they wear.
Honestly, you are so very young. It's great that you are so grounded and connected to yourself but high school can be a strange place. I would keep it on the down low until college unless you feel very safe in your school.

Answer 9

Well maybe you can start by telling your BEST friends. They are always the one you can count on. They might be like, shocked but when they get use to the idea that you are gay then start telling your FRIENDS. Not your BEST friends. Just your friends. The one you would just hang out with to go to the mall and stuff like that.

Don't be shy to tell other people you don't even know! At least you are okay with what you are and you are not trying to change yourself. You are what you are. Okay? Just spill it out.

Your friends are going to be okay with it. Especially your "girlfriends" Girls love having gay friends. They are very nice and very helpful

Just spill it out. Who cares??? Let them know what you reallly are. Don't hide the real you. If you do, you are the one that mighht suffer for it. Just spill it out. Who cares if you are gay??? Who cares? It does not matter. Don't EVER hide the real you. Show your true self to everyone.

Just let them know you don't care what you are.

Answer 10

One of my gay buddies has a gay bar that he goes to a lot, and seems to enjoy himself. Of course, you can't buy drinks or even sit at a bar while you're underage, but these places often double as clubs - something you might want to check out. My friend's underage too.

By the way, isn't having one ear pierced a tacet symbol of gayness in some circles?