Okay here it goes.
Without you, there is no joy,
No smile, no laugh, no poise.
You're what my heart is beating for, the reason I am here,
I wanna shower you forever with my peace and love and care.
I dont really like that one that good. But I dunno, what do you think?
Okay, I have another. It is better I think.
I'll always be your lover,
I'll always be your friend,
For you and only you, my dear,
I'll love you 'til the end.
That one is my favorite. But I have one more.
We cannot be together,
Because I am too young,
But still my life is crazy,
By love it has been flung.
I hardly even know you,
But still this I know,
I wanna be there for you,
Through wind and rain, and snow.
Through your trials and your triumphs,
Your good times and your bad.
For you I wanna be here, when you're happy and you're sad.
That is all for now, but there might be more.
2006-07-11 14:50:34 · 7 answers · asked by fired up 2 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Other - Arts & Humanities
Very nice.. keep writing..
2006-07-11 14:58:31 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
All three are great, and I like the last one best. Keep on practicing and writing. I know these are because of a certain guy, and that's ok, now try to broaden your mental writing depths to other relationships, and situations in life. Hey you are on a good run, don't stop, and please post new ones. I'll be watching for them. Ron Couch.
2006-07-11 21:59:17 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like the beginning of song lyrics. I like the line "you're what my heart is beating for." It sounds like it could be taken 2 or 3 ways - as if "you are my life" (like the heart is necessary to live) or "you make my heart race" (which is what love or physical attraction does) or "you are like musical rhythm to me" (taking another slant on the word "beating" as in percussion). To make poetry even stronger, start using all 5 senses: sight, hearing, sound, taste, touch. Good luck - I like your efforts!
2006-07-11 22:03:38 · answer #3 · answered by Cookie777 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's a good start. I almost feel, as if it's directed at me. It might not be, but a man can get that impression from reading your poem.
2006-07-11 21:54:31 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
its great..but try to learn a little geography too.try learning to write about other joys in life besides love and you will be taken more seriously
2006-07-11 21:53:42 · answer #5 · answered by cassiepiehoney 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i'll rate it...from 1-10, "8" !!! this's nice....
2006-07-11 22:41:23 · answer #6 · answered by yos w 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
oooo that first one was good!!! would you mind reading mine? it's called "the light"....go check it out.
2006-07-11 22:07:46 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋