im getting mixed messages from my ex after 6 months seperation?

Question

I cant seem to get anything right 6 months ago my wife handed me papers that said I had two days to leave so I left I was very angry and it was over my anger and drinking we have 4 children been married 8 years July 25 I never hit her but i was verbally abusive at times. In the last 6 months I have sought counselling have been going to AA and have 60 days straight my temper is gone dont even get mad at work. I have done everything I can thing of to show her how much I love her I helped her move by myself I look after the kids so she can go away i walked 5 miles in a downpour to give her child support money. but whenever I talk about us or my feelings she jumps all over me screaming at me and telling me its always about me and how much I havent changed even sober. but she wont give me a divorce And I wont give up on my family. sometime she gets mad and says it is over other times she says that it isnt. right now she is totally mad at me and im not allowed to talk to her for 3 weeks arg

Answer 1

thumbs up!!!! ON YOUR DRINKING AND AA MEETINGS COUNSELING. KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK. now it sounds like she has the problem. maybe she is drinking? sounds like she wants to use you as her bunching bag, and keep you down. because she don't want you to change, she wants you like you were before. now that you are showing a change. she don't like it. i don't know your or your family but, i world take care of myself first. sounds like you did the all the right things. maybe you should give her some more time. eight years is a long time, but just remember things don't always work out the way you want then to. maybe she is confused also. maybe she is trying to think about what she wants to do. or scared. maybe you should think of it the other way around.
hope it all works out for the both of u.P.S. keep the kids out of it. its not fair for then to picks sides. they problem feel the tension in the family all ready. let them know you both love them. no matter what.

Answer 2

60 days seems like a long time, all the people in the rooms are patting you on the back, but in the eyes of a non-alcoholic, it's like, "Big deal. His drinking was out of control for_____ , he starts acting like he always should have and now he wants a medal?!"

And she's right. But she hasn't divorced you or stopped you from seeing the kids. She probably needs more time.

A lady I had lived with for over 4 years told me to quit drinking and drugging or she would leave. I quit, but nine months later she still left because she couldn't get over the hurt she felt. (Of course, that bit of sobriety went out the window immediately.) Doing the right thing now doesn't make up for all the wrong things that have been done. Hopefully you can both heal and move past this point.

Answer 3

Shes a ***** not just any ***** a true ***** I know because I was her when i was younger I didnt catch your ages but man she needs to grow up. I suspect she had children young and now is proababaly feeling trapped now and blaming you. Did she have any family issues growing up always keep that in mind. I would say move on show her someone else wants you and will appreciate a good man and maybe the hooker will learn if not move on permanently she'll see she's not such a hot commodity on the market with 4 kids and a serious attitude problem

Answer 4

First of all CONGRATULATIONS on being sober for 60 days straight!!! WOO-HOO!!!! Second....you said this was over an eight year period, she's not going to forget about it over night (or six months in this case). It's going to take lots of time and you will have to be patient. Just keep doing little things for her (like sending her flowers, or a poem you wrote down or her favorite c.d.) to let her know you still care. Tell her you understand that she's upset, and that when she's ready to talk about "your" relationship, you'll be there for her.....and then let it go. Don't bring it up again until she does first. Patience is the key here. In the meantime, keep up the good work and keep on staying sober!

Answer 5

After such a long time of verbal abuse and neglect, it sounds like she got fed up. However, she also sounds torn in her mind. I think she still loves you and doesn't know what to do.

Keep doing the right thing. Don't argue with her. She is flaring up in retaliation to what you've put her through in the past. Just keep telling her you hope to work this out and are willing to do whatever she wants. You are doing a great job so far but remember that it will take a long time to repair the damage.

Good luck.

Answer 6

Here is the thing: during your marriage you admit that you were abusive....and now you have your anger under control......she is wondering why you are doing this now? You were married to her for 8 years and have 4 kids and you spent most of the marriage being verbally abusive? And now that you are separated...you do a turn around...you decide to get help and get your anger under control....................she is wondering why? she is wondering why her and the kids didn't mean enough to you to do the turn around.....just take the separation or divorce that is coming up and work on being able to "tolerate" each other for the kids sake....but don't worry about trying to make the marriage works...I think it is over and I think you know that.

Answer 7

seems she need some help and guidence as well maybe she see you are walking a straight path and your not taking a fall and she is upset maybe she wanted you to stay down and and not rise up and get better i wont continue to ask her to come back or start over continue to take care of your kids and be there for them when she see your not stressing her about getting back with her maybe she will come around and give you another chance but dont sit and wait for years give her about 2-6 months than let her know your moving on in life

Answer 8

Remember what you did to her was over a eight year time spand and it wouldn't just go away in a day or two. You have to let work through it in her own way, continue to work on you because everyone has room for improvement. Just give her time and it will work out.