At what age of a baby should you let her cry and not pick her up?

Question

My wife is worried about spoiling our 2-week old baby.
her niece is so spoiled that mom cannot leave her sight without crying, she doesn't want her to be like that when she gets older. When do you let her cry and pick her up?

Answer 1

Never. How old does your *wife* have to be before you decide "When she asks me for a hug, I won't give her one; I don't want to spoil her!" If an adult isn't "too old" how could a baby *possibly* be?!

It is a *normal* developmental stage to not want your mother to leave you alone for an instant. If a baby *doesn't* go through that stage, it is indicative of a problem--that the baby hasn't learned to love the mother/parents. This problem can lead to serious mental health issues later in life, especially sociopathy (an untreatable condition).

When a baby cries, she is telling you something. Just because she doesn't speak your language, doesn't mean you should ignore what she is saying!! You *can't* spoil a child by giving her love. You spoil by giving *things*. A child who knows that she can get anything and everything she wants in the supermarket is spoiled. One who knows that no matter *what* is bothering her, she can get a hug from her parents is *not*.

Answer 2

You're going to get as many opinions as you get answers, but here is my take after having three children of my own. Whether or not a baby is "spoiled" has much more to do with their inherent personality than how often you hold them. I treated all mine the same, and one never quit crying even when I held her, one was a textbook angel, and the other one never wanted to be more than 6 inches from me but was perfectly content as long as I was there. If you are stressed out or need a break, it is perfectly fine to let them cry it out a little as long as you have covered the basics (dry diaper, not hungry or in pain, etc.). I think it is equally fine to pick them up - two weeks old is way too young to learn to be manipulative.

Answer 3

Crying is a sign of the need for security.

Children are spoiled with THINGS not love!

Studies have proven that babies that are "left to cry" grow up with more insecurities than those who are held (within reason, of course, we can't be there every minute).

Believe you me! My second child was so draining on me, but now is the most affectionate and stable young man, respectful and polite, and all because no matter how many tears of exhaustion I cried, I was "there" for him....

My children are older than this and I can tell you I may not have been able to give them alot of the things that others "have", but I will NEVER be guilty of turning away the arms of my children! EVER!

Cherish every moment you have them in your arms....think of all those precious moments some women ache for...your arms are supposed to be there security...
As they get to be teenagers they will need this less and one day you're going to wish for these moments.

OH! and Daddy? Are YOU there for him tooooooooo? Or are you exhausting mommy by making her do everything?.....just something to think about?

Answer 4

It is never ok to leave a child to cry without consoleing. And it is not possible to spoil a newborn by offering in cuddling and consoling. Crying is the only way that a baby has of communicating with us. By offering you baby all the cuddling and affection that they need your wife is creating a more secure and confindent child and later in life adult. I would suggest you read the "Baby Book" by Dr. William Sears it will help you better understand your new baby and your wifes natural biological responses to the baby.

Answer 5

I would not let your baby "cry it out" until after 6 months of age. At 2 weeks old, your baby is depending on you to be there for her and comfort her when she needs it....I would not let a baby this young cry it out...babies this young are not capable of manipulating to get their own way....tell your wife that your child will not be spoiled if you pick her up when she needs you. After 6 months, I would suggest letting her cry before you rush in to get her! Good Luck

Answer 6

well not at 2 weeks old that is for sure. babies cry for a reason. the reason being that they can't talk to you. Your baby is crying because it may be hungry, need a diaper change, or it may just need your soothing. I don't believe it is ever good to let any baby just cry. And my doctor says that you cant spoil a newborn from picking them up. they need you. you child will not be a baby for long and one day you are going to wish it still was that little baby that you could hold. So pick him or her up and enjoy it.

Answer 7

2 weeks old is too young to leave baby to cry. Wait until at least 4 months to let baby sooth herself to sleep. You didn't mention how old your niece is, but if she's still an infant she may just be going through separation anxiety. This will happen even if babies are left to cry it out. If you want to hold your baby instead of letting her cry, hold her. It won't spoil her. There are studies that show babies who are held when they fuss instead of left to cry it out grow up to be more independent and confident than those who were left to cry it out. The decision is yours, but like I said as far as letting her cry, wait a little longer.

Answer 8

Babies cry because that is the only way they have of communicating. If she is crying , she is in need of something. And it could be the need just to be held. You won't spoil her until she reaches the age that she knows if she cries you will pick her up.

Answer 9

Not all the time should you just let the baby cry BUT it is good to let them cry for a while now and then it makes their lungs stronger, if you do not want to spoil them and they just want held to be held and do not need anything try a bouncer or swing that did the trick with my kids.

Answer 10

A baby cries for a reason and no matter what it may be, at 2 weeks you are nurturing the baby not spoling him/her. To ensure that your child does not turn out like your niece, make sure you set limits, and stick to punishments when rules are broken. Also make sure mom gets time away from your new baby and baby will learn that baby is okay without mommy.