if your boyfriend of 7 months told you?

Question

Okay my friend barely broke this to me....she is very upset. Her boyfriend that she was dating/living with just told her he has (herpes) STD.

She is crying to me..i don't what to tell her. What should i suggest?

Answer 1

tell her to get tested and ditch the dude.

Answer 2

I know a guy that went through the same thing. I told him to tell his gf when they first got together and he just said, "Are you crazy?" When they became engaged I suggested to him that now was the time and he still refused. I knew that she really, really loved him and I finally convinced him that he should tell. (She would look at him with such admiration and there was no doubt in my mind that her love for him was strong.) Well, the two of them are married now. I would understand you friend being upset but after all, it's not like he has AIDS or something. Though there is no known cure (supposedly) for herpes, if she does get it she won't suffer too much. At times she might even forget that she has it! Oh, I'm sorry, you didn't specify whether he had herpes before they got together or not. If he just got it, well, that's another STORY!!

Answer 3

I guess the real question is, did he pass it on to her?

You can have Herpes and not pass it on. Theoretically it is only contagious when the open sores occur (in fact, some say sometimes it is transmissible at other times).

If he was a nice guy (relatively speaking) and is now telling her so that she understands that he doesn't want to have sex and pass it on while he's got sores breaking out... well, that's a promising start.

Does she want to stay with him? If so, she's playing a form of Russian Roulette.

Properly managed, she'll never get it. One slip-up, and they'll never have to worry about "protection" again.

If she has even the slightest thought that he's a jerk who might "accidentally" infect her if they have an argument, or he's afraid of losing her, or whatever... Run for the hills!

Answer 4

Well, it's not a death sentence. If he hasn't had sex with her while he's had a break out then she won't catch it. You should probably research herpes a little so you can calm her down. Often people will have only one break out and never see its evil face again. It's also very controllable with drugs. It's also a lot more common than you can imagine. Many, many, MANY people out there have it.

Just let her know that it doesn't change who he is or their relationship. It just means that he may have to be a little more careful at times.

Reading what some of the people have commented to above makes me very sad. It's not a "deadly disease." It's only contagious if *IF* they've had sex just before his break outs (and it's very easy to tell when a man is breaking out), AND condoms do protect against it, but I guarantee if he's having a flare up, he's not going to be wanting any sex.

Answer 5

Hey Punkrock, tell her to get to a doc immediately. Hopefully they have been engaging in safe sex practices? Herpes is for life my friend. It is a heart breaking disease too. I am guessing that her bf just found out he had the disease? There are things they can do to protect each other. It doesn't have to be the end of their relationship, but she really needs to go NOW and get checked. I am so sorry for all of you, this though is what happens when reckless people have sex, it spreads like wild fire and then innocent people get hurt too. Maybe your friend and her bf can begin teaching others about this. Turn something bad into an opportunity to help others. Good luck and I am sad to hear about your friend. Nana

Answer 6

Tell her to get checked out by a dr. Of course they won't be able to test her without her having an out break of sores or the blisters. That's whatthey told me when I was told my husband had herpes. If she does have herpes, she can still lead a normal life. Herpes can not be cured, but it won't kill her either.

Answer 7

tell her that IT WILL BE OK.

More people that know it have STDs. Advice her to go to a real gyn, pref not a free clinic or similar, and get tested.
There is nothing to be ashamed or sad about... But there is plenty to be aware of.
Again, Millions of people live with STDs, and most of them don't even know it. There is plenty of medicine to take for symptoms and outbreaks and such.

Be a supportive friend, and don't spread any rumours (before you know your stat too)

Answer 8

OMG...

First, why is she living with someone she's only known 7 months?

Second, tell her to get tested...she should find out if he's known before and didn't tell her, also if he's been cheating on her. If he's cheating, she needs to go. If it's from "before her", then she needs to decide what to do. If he truly didn't know, and he didn't cheat, she can't blame him.

It does suck, though, because herpes, from what I hear on those commercials, never goes away! Tell her good luck.

Answer 9

If your friend has been sexually active with the boyfriend (with or without protection) she has a right to be concerned and should be tested right away. If she has not been sexually active with the boyfriend and intends to engage in such activity at some point, they both need to educate themselves on how best to proceed so as to minimize the risk of transmission.

Answer 10

Tell her she now probably has herpes herself, and to visit a doctor to make sure. Herpes is treatable; it's not the end of the world!

Answer 11

i hope they get married because that will be very hard for her to date again... but he was not much of a man not telling her.., he should have told her before the relationship started.... just tell her to try and work it out , or find a support group for people with herpes for dating... but before anything tell her to get checked out to make sure she has anything..