mother-in-law has a key and keeps comin' in w/out notice?

Question

what do I do? hubby is havin issues w/ having to change the locks, but i don't. No knock, no ring the bell, just come on in. I am so ticked I could spit. I'm in bed yesterday recovering from surgery & she comes in and looks around then leaves. Thought I was out cause my husband was using my car. Creepy? Yeah!

locksmith will be comin' tomorrow. thanks for all your excellent advise. when she discovers the change then we will have a nice talk - all 3 of us.

Answer 1

I would personally call and have the locks changed. If your husband has a problem then explain that you want your privacy. You don't even owe your mother in law a explanation.

Answer 2

Time to have a heart to heart with mom. Start with..."Mom, I've been wanting to talk to you. You know how you came in the other day when you thought we were gone? The more I think about it, the more I become uncomfortable... I mean, I know you don't want to hear this, but I keep thinking about 'what if ...... and I were fooling around?' or 'what if I were just amusing myself'. It's gotten to where I'm hiding in my bedroom and constantly watching the door!! I know you would NEVER deliberately intrude on our privacy and I LIKE knowing you have a key for emergencies... but ... you know sex is complicated enough without feeling like my Mom is going to walk in on me!.."

Can we set up a signal? Maybe knock three times and wait 2 minutes? Or call before you come over? This way I can tell you if it's not a good time?

If you aren't comfortable with that... try talking about your girlfriend who's Mom walked in on them.... that it reminded you of her visit...got ya to thinking....

By planning to change the locks you are attempting to avoid an issue. The result is she will feel insulted and "shut out" when she next tried the key. That is a bigger issue that can be avoided. By insisting your husband do it, you are putting him in the middle of you and her... asking him to choose sides and hurt one of you...

Do you REALLY want to enter a battle for affection and loyalty with your Mother in law? The way he honors and treats her is an indication of who he is... if you make it a "her or me" however inadvertantly... than you are doing him and yourself an injustice.

That being said, set your boundaries... not as a child who screams "Leave me alone!" from her room, but as a grown woman who says... "This is my space, please respect it"

Good Luck

Answer 3

Good for you for changing the locks!

Nows the time to set up a hidden camera to videotape her trying and retrying her key to figure out what is wrong with her key. Leave a window blind by the door open..so when she starts peering in to see if anyone was around to notice her attempt..have a note saying.."house locks have been changed to stop a nosey mother in law!"

Answer 4

omg how rude! she definitly needs to learn some manners. have the locks changed anyway and let him know that you will change them again if he gives her a copy and not give him a copy, he can sleep in the car.
you have your right to privacy and this woman is obviously not giving you your space.
if you feel like she is taking stuff when none of you are home, try to set up cameras around key areas of the house to catch her in the act and then maybe you could take her to court. put a lock on your bedroom door and any other door you dont want her to go through.
get her key to her house and walk in on her unannounced, look around her house and nod like your approving or disapproving of stuff and give her a taste of her own medicine

good luck.

Answer 5

just tell the mother inlaw point blank but be very graciouse so as no backlash can hurt your relationship and then tell your husband if he doesnt change the locks you will be forced to call a locksmith( if you dont know how to do it yourself).

not to dig at your husband here but this is a classic sign of a mommas boy and you have to delicately cut the strings or he wont grow up done harshly or in a mean way your making him choose and ive always hated seeing people make that bad mistake hoping for a diffrent outcome when you can handle it by asking mom-inlaw for the key and for respect of YOUR house....

if mom thinks its rude to be blunt remind her that you have equal right to be rude after she invaded the sanctity of your home...
so comunicate comunicate comunicate but always be respectful even if you dont like monster inlaw.. her son loves her and you love him...

Answer 6

Tell her to get out and stop invading your privacy...dman that woman needs a clue. Or put her in a home, or change the locks, or put furniture in front of the door, or pay for an accident to occur lol, or put in an alarm and dont tell her, get a gaurd dog, or chain the mother in law to a wall somewhere far away, or ...buy a gun? lol

Answer 7

Definately creepy.. ur mother in law needs to respect the privacy of your home, im sure she had a key originally for "in case of emergency" reasons, but she has used it at her own whims.. i say change the locks, and your husband needs to talk to his mom about this, he doesnt have to be rude, just needs to let her know that she cant do this that she wouldnt of let her mother in law do it to her and that she's over stepping her bounds..

Answer 8

you should put chain or deadlock or catch on when you are in..she might complain but say you feel safer when your in to have these on, it might turn into an argument and you might get the key back uncomfortable for a while but time will calm it but no more keys out, men hate having to tell mom these kinds of stuff he wont like you for putting that on him, so use strategy instead, accuse her of leaving the door unlocked when she last left, but as a question 'I think you left the door unlocked' sort of thing but do it in front of hubby. last resort wire the lock up to the mains

Answer 9

This is not an easy situation. A neighbor of mine is in that situation as the girls parents have a key to their house. What is pathetic is if her parents are missing any thing at their house. They would go and help themselves to what their daughter have in the house, instead of going to the supermarket.

Any person that is married to their family first and their husband or wife last. Watch out for this situation

Answer 10

You have more problems than the mother-in-law coming in and making herself at home. You relationship with your mommy's boy husband is in serious trouble! Why do you think that you need to have his "permission" to change the locks.......YOUR privacy is being invaded. But, be prepared for a family confrontation because it will happen. Have you speech ready, honey........in a nice way tell you mother-in-law face to face that she is invading your privacy and your home is no longer open to "drop in" visits! If she would like to come for a visit then she is welcome to call you......Stand Your Ground! Be prepared for that wimpy husband of your to take Mommy's side!!!! Who cares if she never speak to you again! Eeee Gads!!!!