2006-07-11 13:00:20 · 12 answers · asked by genius13 2 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Comics & Animation
Making Love to a Woman?
Making Love to a Woman
MAKING COFFEE
Making a cup of coffee is like making love to a beautiful woman. It's got to be hot. You've got to take your time. You've got to stir.. gently, and firmly.
You've got to grind your beans until they squeak. And then you put in the milk.
LAYING A CARPET
Laying a carpet is.. very much like making love to a beautiful woman.
You check the dimensions, lay her out on the floor, pin her down, nail her, then walk all over her. If you're adventurous - like me - you might like to try an underlay.
HANGING WALLPAPER
Well, hanging wallpaper is also very much like making love to a beautiful woman.
Clean all the relevant surfaces, spread her out on the table, cover her with paste, and stick her up. Then you clean your brush, light your pipe, stand back and admire your handiwork.
PUTTING UP A TENT
Putting up a tent, is.. very much like making love to a beautiful woman.
You rent her, unzip the door, put up your pole an'.. slip in to the old bag.
WASHING A CAR
Washing a car, is very much like making love to a beautiful woman.
You've got to caress the bodywork. Breathe softly and gently. And give every inch of it your loving attention. And make sure you've got a nice wet sponge.
BEING IN THERAPY
And yet, having therapy is very much like making love to a beautiful woman. You.. get on the couch, string 'em along with some half-lies and evasions, probe some deep dark holes, and then hand over all your money.
BEING IN A CRASH
Going to the brink of death and back, in a nine car pile-up on a dual carriage-way, is.. very much like making love to a beautiful woman.
First of all, brace yourself, hold on tight - particularly if it's a rear-ender. And pray you make contact with her twin airbags as soon as possible.
GOING FISHING
Going fishing was very much like making love to a beautiful woman.
First of all, clean and inspect your tackle, carefully pull back your rod cover, and remove any dirt or gunge that may have built up whilst not in use. Then, extend your rod to its full length, and check that there are no kinks or any wear. Particularly at the base, where the grip is usually applied.
Make sure you've got a decent float, the appropriate bait, and that there's plenty of shot in your bag.
2006-07-23 00:24:30 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
George Bush.
2006-07-11 20:03:47 · answer #2 · answered by -* 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
okay here's two.......................
this one name is doctor and the elderly man.
There was an elderly man who wanted to make his younger wife pregnant. So, he went to the doctor to have a sperm count done. The doctor told him to take a specimen cup home, fill it, and bring it back the next day. The elderly man came back the next day and the specimen cup was empty and the lid was on it. Doctor: What was the problem? Elderly man: Well, you I tried with my right hand...nothing. So, I tried with my left hand...nothing. My wife tried with her right hand...nothing. Her left hand...nothing. Her mouth...nothing. Then my wife's friend tried. Right hand, left hand, mouth....still nothing. Doctor: Wait a minute. You mean your wife's friend too?! Elderly man: Yeah, and we still couldn't get the lid off of the specimen cup.
this one called sperm bank robbery
A guy walks into a sperm donor bank wearing a ski mask and holding a gun. He goes up to the nurse and demands her to open the sperm bank vault. She says "But sir, its just a sperm bank!", "I don't care, open it now!!!" he replies. So she opens the door to the vault and inside are all the sperm samples. The guy says "Take one of those sperm samples and drink it!", she looks at him "BUT, they are sperm samples???" , "DO IT!". So the nurse sucks it back. "That one there, drink that one as well.", so the nurse drinks that one as well. Finally after 4 samples the man takes off his ski mask and says, "See honey - its not that hard."
2006-07-11 21:20:17 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK a man walked in to a bar where Hitler and Mussolini*** were arguing. He asked the bar tender why are those two guys fighting?? The bar tender replied IDK why don't you ask. So he asked them "Why r u two fighting??" Mussolini** replied"Well Hitler is trying to convince me that we should kill 20 million Jews and a pizza guy" the man asked him "Why the pizza guy??" Hitler then said "Told you no one would care about the 20 million Jews."
2006-07-11 20:07:00 · answer #4 · answered by Christine 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and sayd, "Dam."
Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other, "Does this taste funny to you ?"
2006-07-11 20:05:03 · answer #5 · answered by Farly the Seer 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This man he walks into a bar and he sees a giraffe drinking coffee and he says, he says, awww...I've forgoitten but it was a real cute joke...
2006-07-23 20:42:15 · answer #6 · answered by Totoru 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ok two birds sit on a perch then one bird says to the other can you smell fish .....lol muahahahahahaah its soo funny..oops
i think i just peed myself
2006-07-23 23:13:09 · answer #7 · answered by ninjamoocow 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What do you call a camel with no hump?
Humphrey
2006-07-11 20:05:00 · answer #8 · answered by Tammy N 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why did the cellphone get married?
To get a ring!!!!
2006-07-24 19:44:38 · answer #9 · answered by Someone 2 good 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sorry i can't think of one.
2006-07-25 19:53:31 · answer #10 · answered by lhee 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋