Do you think my husband is in love with his friend?

Question

They talk all the time on im. She flirts and they tell each other they love each other as friends.

Recently she invited him to a concert and they did not want me to go said I should trust him

Then he told her if she was gonna move she should move to our town
tells me that what is wrong with having his friend here to hang out with
She sends him comments on my space all the time, really sexy ones, with kisses and all
we fight over her all the time and he refuses to stop talking to her says he is not gonna lose his friend over me, he has not seen her in nearly 20 years. He sends her comments too roses and hearts and such but says he only loves her as a friend.
We were gonna split up due to other problems and she told him if I leave she would come down here to be with him, but now she says she was just kidding
She says being flirty is part of her personality, but I think it is chosen , she has to think before she types.
He gets angry if I look over his shoulder & read his ims

We have 4 kids and I don't have many options of places to go is I leave,

he calls her at work also, which makes me think there is more to it.

He leaves his archives on his computer, but it seems like they go around things like saying you know what I mean? Like they are hinting to each other and the excuse is always I was talking about this or that

we were gonna split for his past cheating, he cheated for 5+ years, I can not trust him he lied about the cheating even longer playing me for a fool now I feel as if the cycle is starting all over

There are a lot of really great answers here, I appreciate everyone's advice. Had to think hard about the best answer

Answer 1

He's emotionally cheating on u.. he may not be physically cheating yet, but its setting up a pattern for it to come.. if he loves u , he'll get rid of her because she's become destructive to your marriage.. My husbands best friend is a female, they were friends for years before i met him, they never dated or intimate in any physical nature.. i was very leary of this when i first came into the picture.. but i was always invited with him when he went to see her, he never hid anything having to do with her from me.. Told her right from the start that if she ever wanted to say anything to him that he couldnt tell me then not to do it because he wont have secrets from me.. She's never over stepped her bounds..or given me any reason to fear their relationship.. which is totally unlike what your husband and his friend are doing.. So id be very adament that its u or her.. if he chooses her then he's not a man.. just a child in a mans body.. Good luck..

Answer 2

You might want to think about seperating. You need time to decide if this is a marriage you really want to keep. I will tell you from my own experience, when it walks like a duck, and talk like a duck; it's a duck. My ex-husband did the same thing to me and claimed "oh, she is just a friend!" He wanted her over for Thanksgiving and gave her permission to cook in MY kitchen which I did not allow (and she did not come over because of this). To make a long story short, he ended up cheating on me with this friend (I found the love letters on his computer a few days before I filed for my divorce).

If he cannot respect you or your feelings, you need to start moving back a few steps and if that does not work you need to divorce him. It will not get better. Trust me.

Answer 3

He may not be in love with her, but it sounds like he is at risk of falling in love with her.

It's difficult because the more jealous you get the more you're driving him away. The real question is why is he spending all that time on im / myspace. He's an adult and he's married. He shouldn't have either the time or the inclination.

Perhaps you guys need to try something new, just get out, get about and do stuff. It'll keep him away from im, away from his friend, and he'll see you as someone positive, creative and fun, rather than just his wife who is jealous of and moans about his friend...

Answer 4

Hmmmm. tough situation. I can tell you that I am married and I do have male friends whom I do love as a friend. Sometimes I do feel that my male friends and I are moreso of a friend that me and my husband are. Sad but true. However I would never think of doing the things you were talking about she did. That in my opinion is bad taste. Neither he nor her are even considering your feelings in this. Not sure what I would do.. except tell him how it makes you feel and give him an ultimatim. Its either their attitude would change more towards freindship and less like lovers or I would be outta there. Good Luck!

Answer 5

that's really tough.
ask your hubby how he would feel if he was on your side; like let's say you're the one who has a friend that is as close. if he's gonna (honestly) say that it's ok with him, then there might really be no reason to worry.

and you said you're splitting up? for what reasons? if you think all the reasons came from him, then they may be just excuses and you need to let go. but if it was your idea to split up, and if the only reason is that, then don't.

what he might have with his friend can't beat the special love and feelings that he has for you. what they have might just be something temporary.

there are lots of things to consider and you need to analyze more. but you know what the best thing to do is? pray.

Answer 6

I'm not a real jealous person, and I believe that men and women can be just friends, especially if they have known one another for twenty years, but the situation between your husband and this girl is a bit too much! This sounds like more then just a friendship to me. I think I would have to give him the choice of either stop talking to her, or you're going to leave. You might not like his choice, but at least you'll know. You deserve better.

Answer 7

I think there's something rotten in your husband's relationship and you're correct to not stand for it. If it were merely a friendly relationship as he claims, and your marriage were relatively sound, then logic dictates that he would want you to be her friend too - not keep you away from her and whatever the two of them may be sneakily doing together. Nope, lady, you have a problem and there's not a lof of reason to hang around. If he'll lie about this, what else will he (has he) lie about.

Answer 8

He's trying to pull the wool over your eyes. Make you "think" it's nothing when it really is. Being friends is one thing, talking to her all the time and the other things you mentioned are a little too much. Ask him if he would trust you to go to a concert with a male friend??????????? I bet that won't go over well at all.

Answer 9

Two things, one is that if he was betraying you, there's nothing u can do to change it..he wont stop cheating its happening so dont try to change him, either leave him or stay and accept for the sake of love...Second, he could be totally innocent and you r wasting time by thinking he could be cheating which could destroy the trust bond. Be open and ask gently ...confront!

Answer 10

Um, did ou sign a pre-nup? If not, catch his a** in the act and then get the proof you need, take him to the cleaners baby!!! As far as the other stuff, Well, I am sure you can decode his Myspace password, men (mostly) have easy passwords!! they have to come up with something THEY can remember, or just type in his user name on my space (his e-mail addy) and if the dumb dumb is lazy enough, he probably had the comp remember his password and..........VOILA!!!! you may have any proof you need to leave right there!! good luck!!