been married 14 years...found out in may he is seeing another woman. he actually would leave and say i am going to see her (after i found out) anyways, now he wants to get his own place..(currently he is living with his mom and dad)..but says he doesnt want his marriage to be over yet, and doesnt want a divorce. he says he is confused and doesnt know what he wants. she spends money on him like crazy, while we are broke and he lies about going to work--and insteads drives 2 hours to see her. He says the g/f is fun and she makes him feel good and he has no responsibilities to her.he can just have fun! He tells our teenage daughter that we arent over but that he just wants time to figure out what he wants. I am going insane! He will actually call me while at the g/f house! He is so selfish right now..and its so NOT like him. Hes been an incredible husband! Could it be a midlife crisis?? He is 37 and its hit him hard. Please help!!!
2006-07-11 12:51:23 · 10 answers · asked by wilma f 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Anyone who doesn't respect your sense of Trust and your sense of People doesn't deserve to have you in their life either.
Moving on isn't easy though. You have to learn how to trust yourself again and the best way to do that again is to do what interests you in life and meet up with people who share and respect your dignity.
2006-07-11 12:56:31 · answer #1 · answered by snorkelman_37 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh come on? Mid-life crisis is just an excuse men have to cheat more. Women do more work and put up with more crap than any man and we don't use that excuse! You gave birth! Let's see him do that! He just wants his cake and to eat it too. He doesn't want to be the ":bad guy" in your daughters or his parents eyes. Well, too damn bad. He CHEATED AND LIED to you! Get a lawyer. Then a divorce. Let your husband "find himself" without dragging your heart all over the place while he does it! Take it from someone who's ex did the same thing. The difference is I STAYED when I should have left.He continued to lie and cheat....Listen to your heart and trust your instinct. You can do it. You are a woman after all! LOL. Stay strong and surround yourself with friends at this time. You'll feel much better after all is said and done. I do after 4yrs of being happily divorced! Best of luck to you.
2006-07-11 21:28:20 · answer #2 · answered by ShellRe' 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, you need to give him a good swift kick in the butt. He is calling all the shots here. It's time you called some of your own. Tell him to decide NOW what he wants because your not going to sit around waiting for his "play time" to be over. The longer you let him do this to you, the longer he will continue to do it. No... not midlife crisis, he is being very selfish right now. He's living a fantasy life, he has a wife, daughter AND a girlfriend!!!!! Tell him to wake up and get it together FAST.
2006-07-11 20:33:10 · answer #3 · answered by older&wiserforit 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So basically...he wants to have his cake and eat it too. As long as you keeping accepting the situation, nothing is going to change because it doesn't HAVE to. You need to give him a deadline to make up his mind, or tell him you have made his mind up for him. You need to be in charge since he doesn't really want to be. He isn't going through a mid-life crisis, he's just being immature. Tell him it's time to grow up and face his responsibilities. Remind him of his daughter and the family he is leaving in limbo. If he can't decide, then be prepared to go at it alone. Alone would be better than this back and forth crap. It's got to end, and if he won't do it, then you HAVE to for your sake and your daughters.
2006-07-11 20:00:05 · answer #4 · answered by carolscreation 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was married over seven years and my wife did something similar to what your husband is doing, I tried to get her to counseling and did but that failed. I stayed in this situation for almost a year for my boys sake and finally she filled papers but didn't want me to sign them cause things might change with her bf. Well I signed the papers and put an end to the initial pain. It still hurts but when she decided to cheat she broke a promise that is made when you take your vows. It will not stop if not this gf then another Sorry
2006-07-11 20:07:52 · answer #5 · answered by dadnrbear 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your husband is not going threw midlife crisis he is only doing what you allow him to do ..right now he wants his cake and eat it too so he puts you on the back burner to Waite.. WHY DO YOU WA TE ? it seems you are the one that is confused and trying to hold on to a man that don't respect you as his wife or your child..why try to make it seem like he is daddy of the year...STOP think is adultery part of a good husband..don't be jealous of the other women the money and fun don't last forever...focus on your self and child move on let it go ..you cant hold on to something that don't wont you..think morals and velu ..do you wont your child to learn it is OK for a husband to act this way
2006-07-11 20:57:57 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just a minor bump in the road, according to your description. You should stay with him, give him some spending money if you have any to spare and wait for him to tire of his philandering and come back home to roost. You're wonderfully patient and for most men would be considered the perfect wife.
2006-07-11 19:57:06 · answer #7 · answered by nothing 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hire a good lawyer, clean his clock financially,
and let her have him. you are worth more than you think. I put up with a cheater for years, finally I packed up myself and my daughter and learned to enjoy my life again. He died two years ago from complications of alcohol and drug abuse, an the universe is now in cosmic balance.Don't be a doormat, being the one receiving the leftovers is nothing to be proud of or something that you should ever put up with.
2006-07-11 19:58:43 · answer #8 · answered by osu2720@sbcglobal.net 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
woman.. if you were a man i woudl same grab your balls and man up.. but since you a woman.. well i dont know what you need top grab but you certainly need to get a grip on relality....
His logis is dumbfounded... its not even comprehensable,,, he is married and if he is confused well he should be confused in your bedroom noty hers.. he is totally dispresepcting you.. so unless your a fat ungly woman..... ( in which case u need to keep him) but if your an average attractive women.. teh next time he calls from his girlfriend let him talk to the guy friend that you have over.....
Kick is azz to teh curb and move onn.. quit letting thus gue treat you like shyt.. a piece of disrespected shyt even...
sorry i had to be so tough on you if i was near you i woudl slap some sense in you... your in shock and you dont know what to do,,,,
But whatever you do...he shouldnt be in your future plans..... once a cheat always a cheat.....
Good luck
2006-07-11 20:02:06 · answer #9 · answered by ibjuscoolin 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you stopped to listen to yourself......making excuses for him. He is keeping you on the back burner while he figures out if his new relationship is going to work out. If it doesn't then he can come home to you. Get real.....give him his marching orders, straight out of the door. Good Luck!
2006-07-11 20:12:09 · answer #10 · answered by SheBiggles 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋