I have a very good friend who has told me more than once that I am her only friend. She is a great person, friend, mother and wife. I used to think that she had it all. Today, she confessed a secret to me. She told me that her husband is severely addicted to cocaine and it is affecting every aspect of her marriage. I told her what I could, but I really don't know what to do. I wish that I could do something for her, but I am at a loss. Do you have any suggestions for a friend that just wants to be there for a friend?
2006-07-11 11:17:48 · 17 answers · asked by proudmatriarch 4 in Society & Culture ➔ Other - Society & Culture
I am NOT turning her husband in. For all those jokers out there.
2006-07-11 11:23:05 · update #1
Just be there for a friend.
Maybe PRAY?
may be PRAY TOGETHER?
2006-07-11 11:20:16 · answer #1 · answered by whynotaskdon 7 · 6⤊ 1⤋
There is not much you can do, besides what you already are by being there. Nothing worse than a fair weather friend.
She is probably getting close to the end of her rope about her husband, so many partners of addicts hide and do anything to protect the *image* that everything is okay. I wish I was an expert and could give you some concrete information, but I do know that sometimes partners can be enablers so putting her in touch with some group like this one http://www.netwiz.net/~coanon/index.html
Good luck
2006-07-11 18:32:55 · answer #2 · answered by someonesomewhere 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You definitely have a dilemma. You're not trained/experienced in substance abuse problems so you don't know what to tell her or what to recommend. And it also came as a shock to hear this in the first place. It probably also makes you a little uneasy to be around her husband now, after learning this and knowing that people on drugs can be unpredictable at times. Since in order to ask your question on Yahoo, I think you have enough computer literacy to search on line for county or city resources (where she lives) to see what services are offered for drug counseling that includes the family. And then, based on your comfort level with her, you're going to have to think of a diplomatic way to convince her to explore getting some help. The help may be for her at first. We don't know how her husband is going to react. He may not feel ready or strong enough to give up his addiction. Start with saving the rescuer (that's her) so she may later have the strength and wherewithall to save the patient.
2006-07-11 18:28:46 · answer #3 · answered by nothing 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
be there for her but encourage her to attend support groups for family members of addicts. I too went through this hell and believe me it is a living hell for 19 years along with the alcohol that he used to come down from the cocaine high. I eventually got him to give up the cocaine but not the alcohol, and sadly, I had no choice but to save myself and my children....and she is in denial if she thinks her children are not being affected by what is going on. Hiding his secret is only enabling him. She needs to think of herself and her children first in this situation.
2006-07-11 18:23:43 · answer #4 · answered by Jan 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She obviously confides in you a lot. Her husband's addiction is very destructive and they need help. If she wants help there are many resources at county health offices. If she isn't ready to do anything, all you can do is listen. She should really see a counselor because this is beyond your power to help.
Best wishes.
2006-07-11 18:37:10 · answer #5 · answered by Sara B 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just be there for her, but you should really encourage her to get help for her husband.....her marriage will end up in disaster if she doesn't do something about it. I know because my ex-husband was addicted also....I wised up after 12 years years.....thank God! Since then he has practically totally self-destructed.....he will bring her down... I guarantee you ! She needs to think about herself and if she has any children...she needs to put them first. Children do not need to be raised in that environment. All of my friends were THERE for me and supported me.....I was the one that had to make the final decision....I CHOSE TO GET OUT OF THE MARRIAGE BEFORE IT WAS TOO LATE FOR ME. Believe me, I loved him with all my heart, but when a person is addicted to anything, they don't put you first before the addiction. Help her, be her friend....encourage her to either get help for him or get out!
2006-07-11 18:28:16 · answer #6 · answered by Bluewillow 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe suggest to her that she talk to her husband about the fact that his addiction is ruining their marriage, etc.. There is allot of help out there for people like her husband, maybe if she mentions this to him, he would want to seek help to save his marriage..
Other than that, just be there for her, as a shoulder to lean on.
2006-07-11 18:29:20 · answer #7 · answered by Katz 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you thought of trying to set up an intervention?
An intervention is where you get all of his family, friends, co-workers and other loved ones together in one room and surprise him. He's also not allowed to leave until everyone had a chance to talk to him and tell him how important he is and what he is doing to himself.
There are several resources available like http://www.interventionsresources.com/About_Interventions.html
My suggestion to you would be to present your friend with this idea and help her set it up.
2006-07-11 18:28:32 · answer #8 · answered by B 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The most you can do for her is be there to listen and perhaps suggest that he seek treatment through Narcotics Anonymous or a similar program.
2006-07-11 18:20:59 · answer #9 · answered by Eebles 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nobody can give you the right advice except God.You and your friend should pray about the situation.God has all the answers.
2006-07-11 21:07:28 · answer #10 · answered by jesus~freak 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
have your freind talk to someone that can help tho this not you tho cuase then that will mess up your life!! also pray for her and her husband I hope that every thing truns out ok
2006-07-11 18:22:50 · answer #11 · answered by panda621gurl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋