How do you tell a child about the suicide of their father?

Question

My daughter's father committed suicide when she was four. Although she knew her father had died she was too young to understand the circumstances. Now that she is seven it is important that she knows the full truth from me before she learns it from someone else. Her brother who was a baby at the time is now four and is as yet unaware that my partner now is not his real dad although as far as he is concerned, he is his dad and has called him that since he could talk.

Answer 1

I don't know what the correct answer is, but I can offer some experience here. My children's father committed suicide this past Christmas. We were divorced, but I still lost a huge part of me and my children lost a father they loved very much. My youngest was also seven at the time of his death and I was forced to tell her, but I kept details to a bare minimum, placing the emphasis on the fact that he had an "illness" and was no longer in pain. Occasionally she still asks for more information and I just tell her that her daddy was very sick. Seven is too young for much more than that, I think. Please send me a message if you ever want to exchange emails about this. Good luck to you.

Answer 2

Just tell her the truth. I wouldn't tell her as a "I have something to tell you honey" thing where you sit at the table across from each other "big news" style. Maybe go to a peaceful place, a quite park or maybe the graveyard if it's not all gloomy and explain to her about who her father was and what you loved about him, not just how he died. But do tell her the truth flat out, no sugar coating it, no bloody details at seven either, but the whole truth. Let her ask questions. Make sure you tell her how much he loved her and maybe how you dealed with it or why you think he did it. Talk about good times with him too. The truth works best.

Edit: I saw that a lot of people said wait but seven is school age and if you wait too long it becomes some big hidden sercet, so I think it's a fine time to tell her. As I said before no bloody details and no sugar coating, just the truth.

Answer 3

I think she is too young to tell her the whole truth... you could make sure she knew her daddy was very sick and it made him to some bad things... but, he wouldnt have done those things if he was not sick.

Suicide is caused by a sickness in my opinion. Mental sickness...

But, I would not go into any details. I mean, who on earth do you know who would talk about such a thing to her at this young age?

I dont think she will be ready to hear the entire truth until she is past high school. It's not something she needs to think of the rest of her life. When she is an adult, perhaps she will better understand.

Answer 4

Don't tell her yet. Sher is too young to even begin to comprehend that someone might want to kill them selves. Wait until she is a little older and then sit down and talk. For the meantime, advise anyone that knows what happened that under no circumstance they should be talking to your child about that subject. You are the mother and you decide when the time is right. By, the way I'm sorry to hear what happened. Good Luck and best Wishes.

Answer 5

I think it's good that you son has found a father figure, and hopefully your 7 yearold is starting to feel the same way too. I think that you should wait to tell your son until he's a bit older, and maybe have a girl talk with your daughter. On the other hand, you might want to wait for your daughter to ask questions, before giving her all this information. Unless it's deadly important, I'd way a couple years to tell her, and then later on tell your son when he's old enough. I think that when your daughter is ready she'll come and talk to you about it.

Answer 6

You could maybe start by telling a few little stories of how good he was with her & how much he loved her.
Once you have started bringing his name into conversations she may ask what happened.
Tell her he loved her but felt that he needed to go away. Say that he is with her, watching over her all the time. Tell her he is happy when she is & not to be sad because he is in a far better place & that she will be with him when she is very old.
Hopefully, if you tell her gradually she will accept it well. Kids are very resilient & accept things like death a lot easier than adults sometimes. Good Luck.

Answer 7

This is a very difficult question. As for your daughter, I would maybe start introducing pictures of him, and buy her a scrap book, that you two can work on together. show her pictures of him, and just sorta tell her a little about him. 7 is a very impressionable age, and she needs to hear it from you. You are doing the right thing in handling it yourself. As you continue with memories and stories of her father, questions will arise, answer those questions with utmost care. Make sure that she knows that you love this new man in your life, but that there will always be a very special place for her father. Make sure to point iut the shared features, of birth father and daughter. My heart goes out to you and your daughter.

Answer 8

I'd consult with a child psychologist about that one! It is to important for her to be told in a way that makes it very clear she did NOTHING to cause her Father to kill himself.
It is so sad that your daughter has to go through this. Suicide is one of the most selfish, hateful and destructive choices a person could ever make, No matter what the excuse is.

Sorry for your loss, Pandora

Answer 9

I think that seven years old is still to young to know. I think that knowing that he died is enough information for now. If I was in your shoes, I would wait until the day she actually asks you "how did he die?"

I think that if she knew that he killed himself while he was still a father figure to her (If he was in her life then/living at home with her) then she might think it related to her somehow. She might think he did it to not have to be around her.

Just wait until she is curious and comes directly to you. I am sure she would ask you before asking anyone else.

Answer 10

It sort of depends on how mature of a seven year-old she is. I understand you not wanting her to hear it elsewhere, but she may be too young to grasp the concept of suicide. There is probably a way of explaining that her daddy was very sad and hurt himself and died, but that still might be a bit much for her.