what are your opinions on forgiveness?

Question

Would you forgive someone for raping you or someone dear to you? Would you go balistic if someone said something nasty? What would your limit of forgiveness be?

Answer 1

I wonder, I wonder- do we decide to forgive? We can get ourselves ready to do it, but can we really do it by ourselves? The saying goes that 'to forgive and not to forget is not to forgive'.

Conditional forgiveness is interesting- ie, 'I will forgive him if he admits he was wrong'... it seems sensible, but I wonder if it will really clear the bad feelings out of the mind... maybe, maybe not. Somehow, once that line is drawn, it must be difficult to erase in the mind...

I think that there comes a time when we unconciously let go of the hatred... even for people that, consciously, we swore never to forgive... we just forget them, which is forgiveness by default.
So, forgiveness is a feeling, kind of natural and right when it comes... even if we try, it can take time to arrive, because the subconscious isn't resolved. Probably thinking too much about a single thing, either trying to forgive or not to forgive, that's bad, the emotion can't clear. At the same time, some people do nothing else for an extended period of time, and then they kind of burn out... I think it feels clean, they just can't feel anymore, at least, they can't feel anything other than relief...

Personally then... well, if someone raped me, damn, that'd be tough... a lot of bad feeling to deal with... but I think I could heal. I think it would be enough for me to never see that person again. There would be rage inside me, but I'd keep it under control. If someone calls me names, that's nothing... I'd just walk away... if I can't walk away, I shield myself...

The limits of my forgiveness- the limits of my mind and my heart... sadly, those are quite limited, but I'm sort of trying with that...

Answer 2

Because of my faith I have in God, I would have to forgive whoever that has done me wrong because if I did not I would only be just as ignorant as the person who did the wrong to me. God forgives all of us for our sins why should we not forgive others? It may be hard at first but when we do finally forgive, a heavy burden will be lifted off our chests and help ease our minds. I would say, keep asking god and pray about what has been done and let God deal with the person who as wronged you. God can do far more damage than Man will ever be able to do!Forgive never forget, we can learn from those types of situations and they only make you stronger.

Answer 3

I have a forgiving nature about me, and usually forgive all. This is to my advantage because if I hold in hostel feelings about a person or situation, then I'm only hurting myself.

However, I'm discovering that I truly cannot forgive unless the person who has wronged me wants forgiveness . The person who's wronged me also need to ask for forgiveness , and together we need to find a solution that satisfies both .

In your rape situation, it is in my best interest not to bear ill feelings toward the rapist . When I hold hate - anger- fear- self-loathing, then I am letting the rapist continue to hurt me by messing with my mind. If the rapist were a friend , and the rapist came to me and had a sincere sorrow for rapping --- told me what he did was wrong --- and asked if there was anything he could do to heal the wounds from being rapped; in which I would ask him to volunteer time at a woman's shelter ... well, then forgiveness has completed it's circle and a true healing for me and the rapist is well on it's way.

Answer 4

It might be a bit unfair to victims to say I would forgive someone who raped me or someone dear to me, but I would certainly try very, very hard. I never go balistic when people say nasty things to me. I always try to forgive (though not always forget. It can be dangerous to forget).

Answer 5

I had that very moment given to me to do or not to do, The person was on their death bed or so we thought at the time. I asked a few questions that had haunted me for years. I wondered if I would ever have them answered because they were from my youth. The person believed in forgive and forget but the one part they forgot was the talking of what had been the harm done , Allot of us go forward in life thinking that we do not have to face those we have harmed and they should know to do so but that is not healing the wound.
You asked about rape, would I forgive them. It just so happons I do know a little about that and I will tell you. Rape is a great violation a force of power over another. some victoms live and some do not. I once looked a family member in the eyes and gave them a statement of fact, they were charged and the community knew of the charges, and they asked if it were true. he was found to be guilty of the charge. but I am a person who believes that God is the judge over our trangresions. and so I droped the charge against him and cried out to God from the depth of my being, not of any judgement from me, but from God, I told the violator there are three who know the truth. God, him and I. not long after this statement his life began to tremble and God did bring His judgement upon us both, I have recovered but he has regressed.

Answer 6

Forgiveness is easy to preach and hard to do. I believe it is important for the victim otherwise they continue to live in pain and become more bitter. In order to move on and stop hurting it is essential to forgive but it is easier said than done.
However this is where forgiveness starts, by choosing to forgive even if you are still hurting, by saying 'I want to forgive you' even if you feel like adding 'but I can't'
I have experienced this, thought I had forgiven someone but realised I still talked about how I was hurt. It takes time to heal, but making the choice, because it is best for you, is the first step.

Answer 7

Forgiveness is something we do for ourselves as opposed to the wrongdoer. By forgiving someone we let go of our negative emotions.We do not let what another person has done to us control us...therefore taking back our power and control. It does't even matter if the person we forgive knows we have forgiven them or not. We cannot change what has happened but we can ensure that what has happened does not rule our lives.

Answer 8

For me, understanding is the only way I can forgive, try to understand why something happened the way it did, then question if your behaviour contributed in any way, if so, you have learnt something new about yourself and moved on already.

When really terrible things happen i have to laugh, there is no other way, sometimes accepting that some things are beyond your control helps. And remember, no-one is intentionally evil, no-one does anything to deliberately piss you off, everyone is just living out their own dream.

Answer 9

Well in those cases, I don't know how I would re-act. But forgiveness isn't for the other person, it's for you. If it is held inside and you don't forgive, it turns into bitterness and un-happiness and the other person is controlling you. When you forgive, you can start to move on and repair your life and forget about it.

Answer 10

I think people's attitude towards forgiveness can be best viewed in the way they interpret those two lines of the lord's prayer: ''and forgive us our wrongs, as we forgive those who have done wrong to us''.
You can be forgiving towards others in order to be forgiven yourself
or you can be not so forgiving and get the same treatment for yourself.
There is no right or wrong choice.