My husband used to work in daycare, and for awhile he was going to college with a major in 'Special education.' I know he's smart, but when we discuss any difficulties that we're having with our kids (two-year-old son, three-month-old daughter) he usually ends up giving me a lecture like I'm his student. Although I do listen and give most of his ideas a chance...a lot of what he says is not very practicle to our family. When I (kindly) make other suggestions he seems to either get defensive or give up on finding a solution. What can I do to have better communication with him?
2006-07-11 09:55:40 · 9 answers · asked by Cutie 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
you do have a right to speak what you know is best, maybe you could see a marriage counselor
2006-07-11 10:00:58 · answer #1 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well for one, I think you should show him this question on Yahoo! Answer. I think that's really all you need to do. The fact that you asked this question shows how you feel about the issue.
Good husbands sometimes try too hard to impress their wives and in turn could be lecturing as yours seem to be. He maybe trying to impress you with his knowledge of whatever. He may not even notice that he is lecturing either.
Also when you talk to him about your difficulties, I think that you should tell him how you feel. You can't lecture on people's feelings. If you don't like a solution that he propose say, "I don't feel that I like that solution." Instead of saying, "That solution won't work."
If you say, "That solution won't work." He can then lecture you on how it may work.
But if you say, "I don't feel that I like that solution." There's nothing much to lecture about there. He will have to ask, "What about it don't you like?" And explore why you feel the way you do instead of giving you textbook answers and theories.
Of course you should always to him and keep the communications going. I feel that if you remind him often that he is home and not in class he will be more aware of his "lectures".
Good luck. I hope things work out for you.
2006-07-11 17:14:21 · answer #2 · answered by easywintoo 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get alone with him (without the kids around) -- you can't discuss this stuff in front of them. The ARE old enough - believe me - to know what is going on. If there is conflict between you two about the kids, the kids are going to use it to their advantate. My son remembered all kinds of things from when he was only 2 years old that he told me abou 8 years old (26 now) and he wouldn't have known otherwise. Be careful. He should know more than anyone that you two need to reach a common ground for the children.
2006-07-11 17:00:20 · answer #3 · answered by butterfliesRfree 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes we guys just don't "get" it. It isn't necessarily because we choose to be jerks or know-it-alls. It's just because that's how we think.
That said, there are also jerks that are that way due to insecurity, also seen as pride!
The best way to handle this is not necessarily to directly confront it. The best way that I have found is to create a story about something that he can identify with that can be applied to the way this situation makes you feel.
An example: Let's say the guy likes golf.
So there was this guy who loved to play golf. His best friend talkd him into going golfing with him. As they are playing, the best friend critiques every approach, swing, follow-through and even his club selection. Because of the friendship, the guy doesn't want to say anything.
At the end of 18 holes, if you were that guy, how would you feel?
Well, you know, (husband) that is a bit like I feel when you talk to me like I am just one of your students.
I hope that this helps. This might be something that can best be dealt with in counseling.
2006-07-11 17:14:13 · answer #4 · answered by RunningUte 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
very simple here...tell him to grow up, and remeber you are his wife...you will be respected as his wife, and as a person. i want you to demand that respect...some people do get caught up with things, and then tend to loose sight....if that does not fix it...tell him the 2 of you will be tending a chruch counsel group, or a family counseler....you just need to remeber you are a person, you have feelings, and marriage is not 50-50...its 100-100 from both sides...
2006-07-11 17:02:40 · answer #5 · answered by itilian_2 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is acting like your daddy, not your husband. You need to tell him so, too! You are his wife, and he can not "lecture " you. He needs to make you his "equal" and that stuff would stop! Bring it to his attention, in a way he will understand!! Good Luck!
2006-07-11 16:59:47 · answer #6 · answered by olderbutwiser 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
role play...
you be him, treat him as he does you... and he becomes you... and must take on your true actions in life in that role...
this might help him understand...
if not, try taking off your clothes when he starts lecturing... at least this will stop the conversation.. although you may end up with more chilren and thus more lectures...
2006-07-11 17:01:11 · answer #7 · answered by krisidious 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
let him know that you have a brain too. that you will listen to what he has to say if he will in return be respectful and listen to you. i hated that, went through it but it was somewhat harsher.
2006-07-11 17:17:36 · answer #8 · answered by nothing ventured 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
,Its a two way street...........and your allowed to drive too! Tell him you already have a Mommy and daddy, And didn't plan to marry one!
2006-07-11 18:05:48 · answer #9 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋