Whats your best/funniest joke?

Answer 1

Jack went to a urologist and told the doctor that he was having a problem.

"Well, doctor. I am having trouble gaining and keeping an erection, but I never had any trouble before I got very sick a while ago."

After a complete exam the doctor determined that the muscles around the base of his manhood were damaged from a prior viral infection and there was little or nothing he could do for him. However, he knew of an experimental treatment that might be applicable, if Jack were willing to take the risk. The treatment consisted of implanting muscle tissue from an elephant's trunk to replace the damaged tissue.

Jack thought about it for a while. He was a young man, and the thought of going through life without ever experiencing sex again was just too much for him to bear. So, with the assurance that there would be no cruelty or adverse effect on the elephant, Jack decided to go for it.

A few weeks after the operation, Jack was given the green light to use his newly renovated equipment. As a result, he planned a romantic evening with his young wife and took her to one of the nicest restaurants in the city. However, in the middle of dinner he felt a stirring between his legs that continued to the point of being extremely painful.

To release the pressure, Jack unzipped his fly and immediately his equipment sprung from his pants, rose to the top of the table, grabbed a roll, then returned to his pants.

His wife was stunned at first, but then with a sly smile on her face said, "Jack, that was incredible. Can you do that again?"

Jack, with his eyes watering, replied, "I think I can, but I'm not sure I can fit another roll up my ***."

Answer 2

Man dies and goes to hell.
When he gets there he's met by Satan who tells him that while he was not all good, he wasn't all bad either. So he can have his choice of which hell he wants to spend all eternity in.
You mean I get a choice the man says.
Of course replies Satan--We're not undemocratic here.
So Satan takes him on a tour.
Hell # 1 - he sees unbelievable pain and torture and fire everywhere. He is shocked at this kind of damnation.
When he gets to Hell # 2 he enters into a large room where theres a cafeteria, a coffee machine, and beautiful women everywhere. The only discomfort is the smell---its ankle deep in pig manure.
He weighs his option and tells Satan that his choice is obvious--- he'll take the cafeteria for all eternity.
Good Satan says--have a seat and enjoy yourself--you have about ten minutes before we put you to work.
He sits has a cup of coffee and strikes up a conversation with the others seated near him.
At the end of ten minutes a large demon figures enters the room and blows a whistle:
ALL RIGHT PEOPLE---COFFEE BREAK'S OVER---BACK ON YOUR HEADS.

Answer 3

Jesus on the cross
Jesus is dying on the cross, and Peter is down the hill comforting Mary Magdalene when he hears Jesus' faint voice, "Peter. . . Peter. . ."
"I must go and help my Savior," he said and went up the hill, only to be beaten and kicked back down by the Roman centurions guarding the cross. But soon he hears, "Peter. . . Peter," in even fainter tones but he cannot ignore the call. Peter limps up the hill, leans a ladder against the cross, and gets halfway up when the centurions knock over the ladder, beats him brutally, and tosses him back down the hill.
Again he hears, "Peter. . . Peter. . ." ever fainter, and again, he cannot refuse his Lord. In pain, he slowly staggers up the hill, drags himself up the ladder, and finally gets even with Christ's face. Just as the centurions are reaching for the ladder, Jesus says, "Peter. . . Peter. . . look, I can see your house from here."

Answer 4

um let me remember
ok lol.
um Have you ever seen the movie constipation?
well you couldnt have! It never came out haha
ok heres a long one

there is this man that repeats everything he hears. so he goes to a kids store and hears Yep Yep Yep! then he goes to a cutlery store and hears Fork. Then he went to a comedy store and heard Gee Wilikers you're really stong! then he went to a candy store and heard OOO goody!
He left the store and he saw a old lady dead. the police showed up. The police ask him, "Did you kill her?"
Yep! Yep! Yep!
They ask what did u kill her with?
He said a fork!
They said, "Youre comin with us!" They grabbed him.
He said, Gee Wilikers youre really strong!!!
We are going to jail weirdo! Yelled the police.
he said OOO goody! lol thats my joke!

Answer 5

A salesman that sold ex-lax chocolates to Pharmacys and one Sunday he had problems delivering, because some were closed, so he decided to put some boxes in his grandmother's frig while she was asleep in her bedroom and continued on his trip to the Pharmacys that were open. When he came back to his grandmother's house two days later, to retrieve the chocolates, he noticed that she was sitting on the toilet and seemed to be mad, so he went over to his father and asked him why his grandmother looked at him with a mad face; his father said, your grandmother is not mad at you, it is that your grandmother ate all the ex-lax chocolates and she died two days ago and we are waiting for her to finish doing #2 to bury her.

It's cruel, but it might be funny!

Answer 6

There's skin behind Chuck Norris's beard....only another fist.

When Chuck Norris jumps in a lake, he doesn't get wet, the lake gets Chuck.

Answer 7

Did you her about the blond who was trapped in a grocery store for a week? answer: She starved to death.

Answer 8

wish i could remember them, i am horrible at remembering jokes!