How much more should I take?

Question

He has taken me out of my mother's house since I was 16 1/2. I got engaged at 18 and married at 20. After 5 years of marriage I was abuse 3 times, nearly choked to death. After being accused of being unfaithful I was actually unfaithful. I was nearly raped, thank God my monthlies was on me. We are trying to work on a relationship but he lies all the time. I can't stop thinking about the times when he abused me, when we have sex. He searches my cellphone all the time.

Answer 1

You need to work on your self esteem and most importantly believe that you deserve better than that. I know its scary because you never known anything else but trust me there is more out there. I think you need to just talk and let it out with someone who is not going to judge you but just listen and try to help. if you ever need to talk you can email me [e-mail].
good luck.

Answer 2

Why do you stay?? That is the real question, I think you are really strong to be able to put up with that such a long time, but because you have been abused, you have a low self esteem, you deserve a lot better than that.. If you are so strong as to put up with it, then be confident in the fact that you are strong enough to leave him. It will be hard, especially once he starts begging, and acting like the man you fell in love with, but always keep in mind, that no matter how wonderful he is when he's trying to have you back, he is an abusive person, you deserve a lot better.. I think you should go and get it.. don't settle for anything less... you are a lot stronger than you think.. how many people do you think could put up with that kind of treatment?? Just make sure to make up your mind once and for all.. and never look back, no matter how hard it is, you are worth it... this is not the type of life you dreamt of as a child, he is not your prince charming.. then go and look for him.. good luck!!

Answer 3

You must always do what your heart tells you. If you think that he is worth the pain and the heartache then it doesn't matter what any of us tell you, you will stay with him anyway. If you think you deserve better and you want a better life then lose him. He is nothing but a loser. Any man who thinks he can hit a woman and it's OK is a loser. Sorry hun. I am your same age and I have 2 children, not married but with the father of my children. He use to abuse me and when my oldest son was about 14 months old I left him and we stayed seperated for a little over a year. When we started talking again I had to forgive him for what he had done in the past, and he had to forgive me for what I did while we were seperated. If you find that you can't forgive him for the past then maybe that's because your heart doesn't want to hurt anymore because of him. So it's not letting you forgive what hurt. If you have children and he is still abusive then get out now! If he is changing and you can see he is trying to get better then maybe he's worth sticking it out for. As for the cell phone if he searched yours then you should be able to search his. Make him feel what it's like not to be trusted. I get accused of messing around all the time, but instead of actually doing it I ask him to show me when I have the chance to actually meet people screw around with. Everywhere I go I am either with him or stuck at home with no car cause we only have the one. Just show him, in a nice respectable way, what it's like to be treated like that. Also the last time my man tried to hit me I fought back, and I fought back before he knew it was coming. He has not touched me since then. We still get into very heated arguements, but as soon as he saw that I was no longer afraid of him, he quit trying to scare me with physical contact. But in the end whatever you do it needs to be what your heart tells you to do

Answer 4

Leave him. He is not going to get better without counseling. My daughter is married to a guy just like him. She left him but is now living with the same kind of guy. She hasn't divorced her husband. He has beat her. Choked her. Broken her ribs. Dragged her by her hair. When she gets new clothes he cuts them up. He has destroyed everything she has including he self esteem. He is controlling. It makes him feel like he is in charge to do all these things and he learned it from him father who by the way searched his wife's cell phone and went through her purse. He took all the doors off the hinges and slashed her tires on her car so she couldn't go anywhere. She finally moved away so he didn't know where she was and divorced him. You need to leave him before he kills you.

Answer 5

You need to leave him because the situation is not going to get any better.

I doubt you are happy in this situation and I doubt he has any love for you considering he raped you and almost killed you.

So long as you stay, he will continue to treat you the same because you've allowed it and he knows there is nothing you will do about it.

Gather the courage to walk out of the relationship. It won't be easy but it's the best thing you can do.

Answer 6

Well, just like anything else, Too much is too much. Only you can put barriers on what you think is too much. Eventually, he will remind you of what is still keeping you there. I live in a similar marriage, but I have been there before this sick marriage. And, I have discovered that they

Answer 7

You have taken enough. Either get him out or get out yourself and get a restraining order against him coming anywhere near you. I understand that you may still love him when times aren't bad, but you deserve more. Your family must be worried sick about you, so it's not just you going through this. They are going through this too.
Also if there are any children involved, they deserve better than to see this happening to you. I had a partner who searched my cell also and got rid of him.

Answer 8

GET THE HELL OUT OF THERE FAST!!!! Why would you want to take that **** from anyone??? Do you really think that less of yourself? Always remember that you can NOT change anyone no matter what. He will never change and unless you want to be beat up or nearly raped again get the hell out fast. Come on I know you are smarter than that......or are you?

Answer 9

Hey There, It looks like you like to take it. Move on or it will get worse, Guys like this are possessive. He probably thinks you owe him something. If he does not let you go, contact the police. Your headed for a disaster. If you stay in this relationship then you deserve what you get...Good Luck!!!

Answer 10

You're working on a relationship with him?!?!?!

You need counseling, serious counseling. You need to leave in the middle of the night, catch a greyhound, and get far, far away and never look back. Literally.

Answer 11

Get out and get far far away. Nothing, absolutely nothing will fix him. Any man who beats a woman is beyond repair. There is nothing for you to work on at all. This isn't your fault - just get out and go. NOW.