Should I pick my VERY home-sick daughter up from camp before the session is over?

Question

I need to hear from parents that have been in this situation before, or a psychologist that can advise me what the correct thing to do would be.

My daughter is 11 and it is her first time going to sleep-away camp. We live in FL and her camp is in NY. She has been there for 2 weeks now and is desperate to come home. I just spoke to her and she begged me to pick her up. She threatened to starve herself. (Something she has NEVER said before.) I later spoke to the camp director, and she told me that the child IS very home-sick, but that she is functioning and participating in the activities. We are not allowed to speak to her on the phone. This call was an exception. My daughter also told me not to write to her anymore, because everytime she sees our letters she cries and it makes it worse. I want to do what is right for her. Is picking her up before the session is over right or wrong? There are 2 more weeks of camp. PLEASE HELP. Thanks.

Answer 1

There is no right or wrong answer. If you feel you should pick her up..then do so....Dont put meaning into picking her up early. If she is ready to come home..it just means she is ready to come home... But let her know..that it is not because of her threats..or she will continue to make those to get what she wants... She is not a bad kid for wanting to come home...you dont know what she is experiencing there... You are going to get all kinds of opinions..but the bottom line is, you have to do what you feel is right. follow your gut..parenting is not easy..no one said it was...but there are also no rules...so you do what you think. Dont suffer over it... you make the decision and stick with it. good luck...

Answer 2

I'm not a parent, but I've been to sleep away camps since I was about 11. When I was 11, I attended a sleep away camp for my first time. About a week was all I could take. I think that your daughter has stuck it out a lot longer than most children her age could and deserves to come home. However, it's good for a child to go to camps, so send her to camp each year and make her stay a little longer each time. Also, maybe it's that particular camp. You might want to sit down with her next year and let her look over the camps with you and let her help choose, but for now, I think it would be best for her to be allowed to come home. First time experiences away from home for long periods are always the hardest and she shouldn't be overloaded in the first experience

Answer 3

I can answer this question. Your daughter is in a stage of disbelief number one from what you have said, it seems almost as if this was not a mutual decision but you sent her to camp thinking it would be good for her and now you feel bad. Whether this is true or not I dont believe that it is the fact your daughter hates being there, I think that it might be somebody there that is giving her problems which is common between adolescent girls. There are two lessons to be learned here.

One is no matter how painful it is for you or your daughter she stays because she is participating in activities and it will very likely be a great learning life experience in self dependency, Or you can bring her home early and she will learn upon parent dependency that whenever she does not want to do something she can ask mommy to help her out, your daughter will not starve herself to my knowledge just from what she has said. Trust me let her stay in camp.

Answer 4

If she hasn't gotten used to the camp by now (2 weeks) then yes I think you should pick her up. Maybe she'll realize how much fun she had when she's at home again, or maybe she just isn't ready to be out by herself yet.

Punkin, I would say the same thing but the thing is she's already been there for half the camp and she's still not coming around to the idea of being by herself. The time factor is the only thing that would make me believe she seriously isn't acclimating.

Answer 5

I guess my first question is - why on earth would you send your child to a camp where she isn't allowed to talk to her parents on the phone!?!?!? What kind of place is this??? No wonder she's homesick! Cut off from the people closest to her! Wow!

Having said that, I think I would consider the maturity of my child when deciding whether to pick her up, especially from that great a distance. If she's participating, then that is a great distraction and proof to her that she can function without you.

In the mean time, I suggest you continue to write, but ONLY positive, encouraging things! And don't say how much you miss her. That would only make her feel worse, knowing she's in pain & you are, too. Tell her how proud of her you are.

And learn from this experience!! I don't know what these camp administrators are thinking!! I've heard about camps doing this, and I just think that's not wise, especially in these times!

Hope everything works out for you all!

Much Love!!

Answer 6

My daughter goes to camp also for three weeks in june...the first time she was like that...I didnt pick her up instead I left her to finish her time. As the camp is very expensive and I wanted her to learn that if she wants something she has to finish it out. She begged for six months to go to this camp. Let her stay she will enjoy it when she knows your not going to jump and come and get her. Good luck

Answer 7

It is exactly like when a baby cries and you want to go in there and pick her up , but you know it is time for her to sleep alone throughout the night. If your daughter was in trouble of harming herself I would hope that the counselors would contact you. At eleven she should be able to withstand four weeks away from home. She needs to learn self sufficiency and Independence.

Answer 8

DO NOT pick her up. No matter how much she begs, do not pick her up. I went through the same thing when I was her age. I cried and begged and pleaded and I did not end up going home. The councelors there would not let me even call. I got used to it and ended up having a great time!
-Punkin

Answer 9

Bring her home. Camp is not about torture. She was not ready for the big step. Give her the rest of the summer to get over it. She will trust you much more. Always be there for them, no matter what.

Answer 10

My 3 step children are at camp right now.
Pick her up there sounds like there is a problem at camp.