my parents are divorced, so, i just moved to iowa state to help my mom out. She is in a bad marriage and I am trying to help her out of a bad situation. My step dad treats her like ****, but she wont leave him.But anyways two days after I got here my dad,whom lives in pennsylvania, was in a horrible motorcycle accident. He completely tore his aorta and had to go through an 8 hour surgury. The doctor said most people with that injury never make it. I really think i should move back home to be with my dad but know my mom needs help too. What should i do?
2006-07-11 08:33:45 · 17 answers · asked by tashasnyder2003 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
Go to be with your dad. He actually needs your help, physically, while your mom really just needs some time to make a decision that she should make on her own. If you get between her and your stepdad, you could become a target of her or his anger, and there's no reason to place yourself in the line of fire. Let your mom figure things out for herself, and help your dad heal in the meantime.
2006-07-11 08:35:47 · answer #1 · answered by Defender 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You dont have to move back with your father, but I do think that you should leave right now and go see him. Stay for a little bit. Its summer still, so you can be there a couple weeks or a month or so, and if you are going to school it wont hurt. But yeah, go spend some time with yer dad. If you dont, you will regret it. I know that it is also hard to be around your mother in a bad relationship, and doing what you are doing with her is selfless. I think that you need to decide what you really want, and what will make you feel better about yourself. If you did move in with your father, you could be there for him even though you want to be there for your mother, she at this point is not willing to help herself out, and she needs to be the first to do that.
2006-07-11 15:39:35 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think your dad needs the help at this particular point in time. As long as your step-dad isn't hurting her physically, I think she should be able to handle it. Your father needs you right now, especially since he may not make it. Or another suggestion, assuming that your parents are civil with each other, get your mom to go with you to visit your dad. Tell your step-dad it's a family emergency, and she needs to go with you. That way, your mom will be away from the jack a s s step-dad and your dad will be helped too.
2006-07-11 15:38:45 · answer #3 · answered by someone in the world 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I hate to say it, but it is your own mom's fault. If she is in a bad relationship and doesn't want to leave, what are you going to do? You can't help someone that want help themselves. Tell her that you are going to be with your dad and would she like to come with you. She doesn't have to see your dad if she doesn't want to. I think your dad really needs you more than your mom does. Your dad can't help the situation he is in right now and your mom can. Good luck.
2006-07-11 15:47:58 · answer #4 · answered by Xena 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Even though your mom's situation seems bad, and you want to help her, she is choosing to be there. She could leave the abusive realtionship if she chose. Your dad on the other hand, needs help for something that he has no choice about. Also, if you do not go to your dad and he gets worse, you might regret not seeing him for the rest of your life.
2006-07-11 15:37:35 · answer #5 · answered by dante632000 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is very tough! You have my sympathies!
As hard as it is, you have to think that your mom is an adult and she is the one who needs to get herself out of the bad situation that she is choosing to be in right now. You are the kid, not the parent and you shouldn't have to take on your mom's bad situation. She is an adult and capable of dealing with the consequences of her actions.
Your Dad was in a terrible accident and if he needs help recuperating, I think that is where I would go.
It is horrible to have to choose, but if it were me I would help the injured parent.
2006-07-11 15:38:31 · answer #6 · answered by Miro 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, I'm not sure that I have a solution for you (apart from maybe going to visit your dad for a week or so and ask your mom to come with for moral support?), but I wanted to wish you and your family good luck. I hope everything works out for the best. Good luck and stay strong!
2006-07-11 15:36:19 · answer #7 · answered by mikah_smiles 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
move back sounds like he needs you more as a mom I would understand and he needs someone, besides you go where you want and live the way you want, otherwise you will defanately have nerve problems,remember to always take time out for your selves mom and dad are grown and you are the daughter not parent , if mom wont leave him she needs to take that cons. and live with her desitions not you,please do whats right for you ,
2006-07-11 15:38:18 · answer #8 · answered by BRIAN J R 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your mother may need your help but it seems she is involved a situation which she has chosen to endure. Your father on the other hand is suffering by no fault of his own. The choice, although emotionally difficult, is very simple logically and ethically. Who is truly capable of fending for themselves and who is truly in need?
2006-07-11 15:39:37 · answer #9 · answered by soultransformation 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go to your dad and help him out. He's going to have a long recovery period. As for your mom, she has chosen her path and she will hopefully snap out of it soon. You can only advise her and the decision to leave is ultimately up to her.
2006-07-11 15:38:26 · answer #10 · answered by mergirl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋