Am I being unreasonable?

Question

I want to take a vacation alone. I am married with two children. I love my family and want to be with them, but I need a break. Is it unfair of me to want to have a few days alone. To read, to think about something other than the kids and the house, and work. To have " ME TIME"? My husband has a two week vacation at the end of this month. He will be home, so the kids could stay with him. We are planning a family event, but I want a few days for just me.
He plays golf several times a week, and thats his time.

For the guy that thinks I am a B***, Your an IDIOT. I am not advoiding spending time with my family. I love spending time with them. I am thankful for being a mother. My children are not little, they are 14 and 10. I have taken buisness trips alone before and my hubby was okay with that. I think he would worry about my saftey more than anything. ,

Answer 1

Not only are your being reasonable, but also wise. If more mom's would do this it would make for much better parenting. When I worked at the Dept of Family and Children Services, we use to call these days off, mental health days. This was not a joke this is how the department listed days that you took off just for yourself. You need this, you deserve this. If your husband can not see this then he is the one that is being unreasonable.

Stick to your guns and just let him know that this is what is going to happen and that he will benefit from this also. Heck, everyone will benefit from this. Believe me you will feel like a new person when you return. Have a good time.

Answer 2

No, your need for some time to yourself is perfectly reasonable. Your problem right now is that it sounds like you've not been setting aside such time on a regular basis in the past (like your husband does with golf). This makes your current request appear abnormal and disruptive of set patterns, therefore other people may perceive it as "unreasonable".

One alternative you might consider, in the near term, is to offer forgo the multi-day vacation, but in turn, you get a regular day (or multiple afternoons) each week for yourself (you don't have to say what for, as this isn't about judging if your activity is more worthwhile). There are no exceptions, accept in case of death or medical emergency.

After this becomes the norm, you can propose a longer multi-day break in lieu of the regular break once in a while.

Answer 3

No you're not being unreasonable. I think you need to explain it to your husband as well as you've explained it here. For understandable reasons taking time alone like this can bring up some insecurities in a spouse if it's not understood the reason behind it and you have very good reasons behind your desire for some time to recharge and I think you should also add that you'll come back from your alone time a better person more ready and focused for the things you'll need to do in the next year or so until your next vacation. Nothing wrong with your thinking on this at all.

Answer 4

why don't you plan vacation so that you can have a day or two at the end of it to be alone ...maybe they head back on friday and you stay until sunday...something like that/....if you never had time alone i don't think it's a bad thing although you will spend the time missing and thinking about them...why don't you go somewhere and spend a day at the spa or doing something totally for you even if your not on vacation ... your still a human person and you need your time to be alone de-stress and gather your thoughts....it will make you a better wife and mother

Answer 5

You have nothing to be ashamed of. I think it is actually really important to your marriage and to you as a mother to find the time to be yourself. You need a chance to remember who you were before you were someones wife or someones mommy.

If you don't take the time for yourself once in a while, you will begin to feel like you don't exist anymore. This is the first step towards resenting your husband and your children. Demand the time for yourself and your marriage will be better for it.

By the way, the guy being rude above me is a complete a$$. He doesn't have a clue and has NEVER been a parent. Ignore him.

Answer 6

How selfish of you. He has a vacation, so he should stay home? How about you going out and finding a hobby? I'm getting from your question that he makes more than the average man, which I also take as he pays more than his fair share of the bills. By earning more and paying more, he earns that right to play golf several times a week. That's his time away from the stresses of being the main provider. How's about finding a hobby, and then using his vacation time for the whole family you selfish b*tch.

Answer 7

you know i am a mother of 3. one 8 year old and twin 5 years old i know exactly how you feel. sometimes i need a vacation from everything but i can not afford to take a vacation even for a couple of days so i usually talk with my husband and he changes his schedule for me so i can go shopping or swimming or even go to the bar by my self. i even go to the park and sit under a tree and read a book. sometimes i call up some friends and we may go to the lake for the day. you are not being unreasonable we need our breaks like the men get theirs. they don't cook, clean, pay bills, car pool, homework, take care of kids like we do. they don't think we need breaks that is exactly the way my husband thought until i left for awhile and he took care of everything while i was gone. now he understands what i go through on a daily basis.

Answer 8

I do not think that you are bein unreasonable and I think maybe you both should do a couple days switch off and then the rest as family time, trust me I know you need time for yourself and usually men have more time by them selves or with friends than moms, if you guys dont have time off from everything and everyone then you dont handle stress as well or family and defanately eachother, try the hole switch off a couple days each off and at least one no kids just the two of you and then all family it works,

Answer 9

No you are not being unreasonable in fact when you return from vacation you should take more time off whether its a couple of hours or a day to yourself. That way you can relax. Return to your work as a mother feeling better physically, mentally and emotionally. Remember stress is not your friend.

Answer 10

Definetly not, if you are willing to try...maybe on this family vacation, set aside a couple of days for you. Spa, trip to the local town, all on your own, after all...being a mom (or dad) is a full time job in itself, you need your vacation time as well, your husband should understand this without hesitation. Have fun.