I admit to making mistakes in the past in my marriage, I used to watch porn when my wife had stated she was against it but lied about it. I don't have a gambling problem but a zest for the thrill of the straight on the river. I have lied about whether I had a certain amount of money on my Visa when I really did because of online gambling. I have 2 kids that I want to be with till their gone and married themselves and see my grandchildren. My wife has since shut me out completely and seems to have given up on us, I want to fix what's wrong, I want to work on me to make her happy again but she is not responsive to any request to seek counseling or a mediator. I just want my family back, I am not living in my house right now, I am staying with friends from work and I feel more and more empty inside everyday. I just wish someone has some positive input for me and my wife to work on this and make us a family again!
2006-07-11 08:05:47 · 13 answers · asked by dlbonhomme 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
get a divorce its done, and thats the truth
2006-07-11 08:07:10 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Go home!!!! If you want it to work it isn't going to with you not there! When she tells you to leave tell her no unless she hands you divorce papers, then don't go even then! Never gamble again! Your gambles are now on the money that is your grandchildren's! Tell her you already know what she exspects so now ask her to allow you to show her you can do those things and do them, don't just say you will, don't just think you will or hope you will do them - really do them!!!! Explain to her that it really can be over if thats what she wants and if that will make her happy - don't cry and beg just tell her she is right and you know you have made mistakes but from now on you don't plan to make the same ones b/c you have finally learned from them and you better have!!! I can tell you don't want this to end but next time it will be wrose so be sure there won't be a next time - but you also have to tell her that you are a man and have needs too - it wouldn't hurt her to watch porn with you occasionally - too often is too much - it really is not all that, isn't feeling your wife better anyway! if you need porn create one in your head behind the news paper while reading it.. - I am sure she's heard it all before so join the gamblers help that is available this will prove it her you are ready to let that part of your life go! Work hard, pay bills, be supportive, help around the house, buy flowers, take home dinner so she doesn't have to cook, - grill out for her, make her breakfast in bed and when things are back to honey this and baby that don't stop doing those things oh it would help to eat the snatch a bit more as well. Do you really think she wants what you 2 are going through? Also remind her for better or for worse sickness and in health for richer or for poorer which you don't want to be- Also tell her it is not your friends problem that is why you came home it is between the two of you and you two will work it out- go home! Stop intruding! You are the man tell her this is the way it will be! You just needed a realaity check and you thank her for that!
2006-07-11 08:34:41 · answer #2 · answered by sophia_of_light 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think everyone has some valuable information for you.
The most important aspect in this situation is trust. Once the trust is shaken, it's very hard to get it still again. If you believe there's a chance to get her back, then you have work to do.
First, like everyone said, go ahead and go to counseling. Get rid of the porn. If you really love your wife, you would do anything for her. Cut up the cards. I know it sounds rough, but you gotta do it. I remember trying to win the Powerball jackpot. I almost became obsessed with it, and bought a ticket almost every week. I stopped, because I didn't want it to affect my family or me. I'm no judge, and I know old habits die hard, but I know you want her back.
But, she needs to see substantial evidence. And if she sees that, the wall may slowly come down.
I like the letter idea, and it's a good way to try to spark conversation with her, if she won't see you.
Good luck
2006-07-11 08:34:24 · answer #3 · answered by L Jeezy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What do you do? The hardest thing you can possibly do - give up. You can't make her want anything, man. All you can do is improve yourself, keep yourself busy, and make yourself happy. Nobody wants to be married to someone who is not happy. On the one hand, she may see that you've changed and are a happy person and want to be with you again. On the other hand she may not, but you'll still be happy. That's the key. Remember, you can't control how she feels. Maybe she never takes you back. But if you don't fix what's wrong now, are your kids next? Only you can make you happy. Trust me, I've lived thru it. And my family is now back together, because we both WANT to be together.
2006-07-11 08:25:20 · answer #4 · answered by Crank 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think you should go through the counseling yourself for the gambling problem you have. cut up the credit cards, cancel the porn and give your wife what money you have left after you pay your bills to help with the kids. after awhile of counseling let her know what you have been doing and you might try writing letters to your wife and your kids to express how you feel and what the challenges have been and what you have learned about your problems and what you have done to make your life and your health better and tell them everyday, every minute how much your love them.
2006-07-11 08:17:30 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go to counseling yourself. Maybe your wife don't believe that you really will go or change, maybe once she sees a difference in you, she may open up. Then again, maybe she won't, but either way, it will still help you to become a better person, for yourself, not her or anyone else. IF you get her back, great! If not, at least you will not inflict that kind of damage on anyone else. Good Luck!
2006-07-11 08:11:04 · answer #6 · answered by babydoll121070 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you waited too long to try and make things right. Let's hope this is a learning experience for you and you dont make the same mistake again. Once a woman is finally fed up, there's no going back. Let it go and move on.
2006-07-11 08:12:19 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you have a lot to make up. For starters, all you can do is change yourself. If you're serious about that then go see a counselor. Do what you need to do. If you're really trying then your wife will see that and see that you are willing to change. Actions speak louder than words. Good luck and I hope it all works out for you.
2006-07-11 08:11:25 · answer #8 · answered by heidielizabeth69 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get a good lawyer. You'll still get to spend half the time with your kids, and everything can turn out fine. Oh, and see a therapist too - so long as you feel desperate and empty, not only aren't you going to get back with your soon-to-be-ex, you are also driving your children away and don't even know it.
2006-07-11 08:09:11 · answer #9 · answered by nkasoff 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like she's had it. Maybe you should begin counseling with out her. You've got to earn her trust again. Take steps on your own to fix things. Start small, you are going to have to build this one from the ground up.
2006-07-11 08:11:34 · answer #10 · answered by Doll 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
go and get the counseling you need...this is all about you...your wife needs to see a mature husband and father before listening to more lies from you....action is your only hope. proove yourself to you and them!
2006-07-11 08:10:30 · answer #11 · answered by Life Coach 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋