He is for sure my best friend, I love spending time with him, and our everyday lives together are really great The problem is that I find myself daydreaming about other people, and I have actually cheated on him. The worst part of that is that i don't feel all that guilty about the cheating. I do'nt want to leave him, because we do have a great life together... but is it fair to him to stay even though i think of him as more of a friend than anything else?
2006-07-11 08:03:58 · 47 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You're confusing mature love and immature love. Mature love is what you find in a healthy marriage, immature love, is what you find in people that like dating and romance more than they like anyone they date.
Every kiss is not going to feel like your first one, AND IT'S NOT SUPPOSED TO!!!! When you love someone, especially your spouse, it means that your first priority in life is their comfort and well being. If it sounds like work, it's because it is, and it doesn't mean fireworks with every kiss, or flushed cheeks every time you see him with his shirt off, but it does mean one of the most wonderful, trusting, caring, safe feeling relationships anyone could ever hope for.
The truth is, if you spend your life seeking that exciting immature love, you are never going to be in any long-term relationship ever, because you'll get bored and see every guy as "just a friend" again and again.
I agree with the others recommending counseling to help you figure out why you feel so driven to this immature love. I hope you've already told your husband of your affairs, and if he's still willing to stay in the marriage, then I hope you two are going on dates once a week.
Ultimately, it's time to stop thinking about yourself. Spend your time looking for ways to do nice things for him, and to make his life easier. It may be really hard and annoying at first, but I promise you before long, you'll remember why you fell in love with him in the first place, and you'll realize you're very much in love with him now.
2006-07-12 03:35:32 · answer #1 · answered by daisyk 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow! That's a big one! Well...don't know how long you've been together or if you have any kids but here's my 2 cents worth...
Sometimes, after you've been married for a while you reach a level of comfort where the blazing fire has dwindled to a smolder and that's no reason to call it quits. It's the feelings in your heart that count the most. The fact that you've cheated on him is not a good sign but may not mean the end either. The question you need to ask yourself is why did you cheat? Are you bored with your sex life? Are you not feeling beautiful, loved or wanted at home? The reason behind the cheating is key. You say you still love your husband....but in what capacity? Do you still have the desire to re-ignite your intamacy with him? If so, you've gotta forget all outsiders and focus all your energy on your marriage. Comminication is so important, if there's something you need from your husband that you are not getting, talk to him. Come up with ways to make your life more fun and exciting or whatever it is you were seeking elsewhere. If there is just no romantic feelings left for whatever reason, do the respectfull thing...let him go and move on. Good luck. And remember, the grass isn't really always greener on the other side.
2006-07-11 08:15:19 · answer #2 · answered by Super-Mom9 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stop daydreamng. It's not that hard. That's where it starts...your mind wonders then your body wanders. The worst thing about daydreams is that they are exactly that...dreams. We tend to romanticize other people in our minds when we are in a relationship. You know your husband in-and-out (i hope you do), his faults, strengths etc. but when you see other people you only think about their good points and you get infatuated. If you leave this marriage, I can almost guarantee you will be unhappy in all other romantic ventures. A lot of people who get divorced usually realize in their new marriage that the problem in the relationship was them and not their ex-partner. If you leave, you will meet another man, get bored, daydream, cheat and end up at square one. Unless you just enjoy being unfaithful, cheating is a symptom. It may be a sign that there is something wrong with you, or with the relationship. You need to take a long, hard look at yourself and see where you stand. The two of you got married for a reason, you may see him as a friend now, but that is because the romance died. You need to find a way to rekindle it. If you can't stop cheating, you need to let that man be
2006-07-11 08:19:00 · answer #3 · answered by vivmaiko 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its normal to think about other men in a marriage cause sex is everywhere. But acting on it, isn't a good sign. The worst of it is, that you dont feel guilty. Its doesn't seem like you re in love with him. You love him, im sure, though. You cant make yourself be in love with him no matter how much counseling you get. You should do this though: tell him that the spark is gone and you want the passion back. You seem like you want the 'new-ness' back into your marriage. Its never gonna be that way again cause that's not what marriage is. No matter who you are with, it doesn't happen that way. marriage is based on trust,love,communication and being attractive to the other person. that's so important. If you re not sexually attracted to him, you should leave. But remember, no matter who you end p with, you will always end up in that comfortable zone with them and there will be those times where you will feel that way again as u do with your husband, as long as it doesn't stay.
2006-07-11 08:12:04 · answer #4 · answered by Baby Jack born 4/5/09 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It seems you dont love your husband, as you are only using him for something "stable" in life.
If you already cheatedn on him and dont regret it, then there is something seriously wrong in your marriage.
I would tell him about the affair, or affairs, how ever many you have had, and let him decide if he wants to stay in the marriage...
You have lost the trust he gave you, when you cheated and also the love that you have now, is false, so let him decide if he will "keep you", or as you have, toss you aside for some one who will stay faithful to him, and not worry about some one who will be unfaithful every time some one looks at his "wife" and gives her the eye and she responds by lifting up her skirt!
If he chooses to keep you, then you are a lucky woman, and you both should go into counceling together to see if you can still "find" that spark that was there, at the beginning of your marriage and bring it back.
If not, then you can go your way, and see if you can find some one that will "keep your interest"...
I wish you well..
Jesse
2006-07-11 08:13:38 · answer #5 · answered by x 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is a difference between being a best friend and being a wife and life long partner, can you actually see yourself being with him for the rest of your life, that is what marriage is! You may love your husband, but you are doing him terribly wrong, you dont need to be with him if you dont truly love him,which you dont, if you did, you would not have cheated. We all make mistakes, and if you feel this is a one time thing, get counseling, if you feel you may do it again, get a divorce. You are only going to end up hurting the one person you say you love, your husband. Be true to not only him, but to yourself!
2006-07-11 08:10:30 · answer #6 · answered by slf620 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When you marry someone, it is a committment. You can spend the rest of your life cheating, but in the long run, the relationships you have will all end up the same. You will always be looking for someone new and more exciting. I think you should get into some type of counseling to find out why you have turned out to be such a whore. Let your husband move on and find someone who loves him and him only and will be honest and faithful to him with a lifetime committment. Your a loser. Someone else would be glad to have him.
2006-07-11 08:08:36 · answer #7 · answered by happydawg 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Look it is perfectly normal in todays times to fantasize. If you lived in biblical times it would be different. It is hard for a person to love only one forever. It doesn't mean there isn't love there it only means you might have other needs he cannot fulfill just now. Maybe you will change when you have had enough of spreading your wild oats. I think we get married on dreams of other people at times. If we were allowed to change without those other peoples consequenses we might have a happier society. You seem normal to me. Maybe more normal because you aren't afraid to talk about your thoughts like some are. Good luck and try not to get caught. If you do then you lost the gamble. Get into another game.
2006-07-11 08:15:10 · answer #8 · answered by TMAC 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you have cheated on your hubby then you don't really love him. The vows say to love honor and cherish do you want him to cheat on you or find someone more intresting than you to be with, sounds like you need to do him a favor and leave him. You dont' sound as if you are in it for the long run if you don't have kids then get out now before it ruins a childs life. I think you are robbing your hubby of someone who may really love him and deserve him it sounds as if you have no respect for him or his feelings. I don't think you should stay with someone for life just cause hes a good friend.
2006-07-11 08:09:48 · answer #9 · answered by life as we know it 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
During the course of marriage, feelings for one another change. We see one another as friends.. best friends.. parents.. child.. someone we hate.. etc. Just keep on remembering why you fell in love in the first place. Also, be aware that he may also be having these feelings.. that's natural. Just, stop the cheating. You'll not only be hurting your husband, but yourself, in the long run.
Add more spice to your life (together).. take a vacation.. do things differently.. etc
2006-07-11 08:11:55 · answer #10 · answered by sassy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋