Do you think that living together before marriage increases the risk of a relationship break-up?

Answer 1

My ex and I dated for 8 years and never lived together until we got married. Once we started living together, we learned we couldn't stand each other's little "idiosyncracies". We divorced 5 1/2 years later. I think if we had lived together first, we would have discovered it earlier and never would have gotten hitched!

Answer 2

Do you mean a risk of a break-up before or after the marriage?

You are more likely to break up before you get married if you move in together, just because if you want a "trial" period you are setting yourself up for an eventual break-up. When people don't move in together first they are bracing themselves for whatever comes and have already decided to put up with it "till death do us part". That is to what they owe a lot of success to pre-arranged marriages. Plus, many people move-in together way before they are ready for marriage and it eventually leads to a break-up. That is just statistically evident.

However, if you are asking whether it increases the risk of a divorce after marriage, I think it is hard to say. I don't think that the every-day quirks that come with living together really cause a divorce, so it really just depends on your beliefs. I don't think it increases the risk of a divorce if you live together first, nor does it decrease it.

Fundamentally, you should follow your heart. Cohabitation sounds like a good idea at first, but it does not replace marriage. It is not the same thing. When two people move in together the man is usually happy he gets his woman around all the time without having to marry her, but the woman is playing house and pretending she is married. This can cause a lot of misunderstandings that you do not get in a marriage.

Answer 3

It depends. If you are living together before the marriage as part of a pre-marriage arrangement, then I think not. That should of course be done with the proviso that if the two of you discover that you are not compatible, then you will call off the wedding. If you are merely living together so that you will know where the guy is when he isn't at work, then yes, I believe that it increases the risk of a breakup. People, men and women, need their space. If the two of you are not ready for marriage (which should only be considered if you are ready for children, which is a whole other topic by itself), then you should not be living together.

Answer 4

Of course not! It actually makes more sense to live together first if you look at it objectively. You aren't going to know how well you get along until you live together and if you wait until after you get married to live together, what do you do when you find out you aren't compatible?

The studies don't take into account that living together is just like being married--the only thing missing is the little piece of paper. A divorce after 5 years of marriage for a couple that lived together for 5 years is like a divorce from a 10-year marriage. All the living together does is give you a head start on your divorce.

We should go back to the ancient tradition of handfasting--maybe then we'd have fewer divorces!

Answer 5

I belive it is a good idea to live together for at least a few years, before getting married, it best to know what the other person is like totaly before saying your I do, and finding out you don't, for some reason everything seems to change after the smoke of a wedding settels, not sure why, but it is not long and you will start seeing all the little things that just realy piss you off.

Answer 6

I read an article in 'Psychology Today' with research on this very topic, it was published about 8 -10 months ago. The research states that if you live together first, under certain circumstances, then yes your relationship is more apt to doom. About 1 month ago, I wanted to give that article to a friend, I found it on-line. I pasted the link below. It was very informative and answered some of my own questions about the relationship I was in at that time. Good luck

Answer 7

Studies have shown that living together is the same as just dating. Each is still on courtship personality until the arrangement is made legally binding
True personality comes out when each feels the other now is his(hers).
I've never heard that it increases the risk of break-up, but it doesn't prove compatibility either.

Answer 8

actually I think it helps to make marriage last. my husband and I lived together for 3 years before we got married. By the time we said our I DO's we knew pretty much all there was to know about each other. There were no surprises. I have always heard the first year of marriage is the hardest because you are learning about each other so our first year of marriage was more like our forth year.

Answer 9

Whether you live together or not depends on ONE thing!!! Commitment! It both of you are committed to making the relationship work it doesn't matter. Now days people don't know what it means to truly commit yourself to another person so when problems arise in the relationship they make a choice to leave instead of work it out. That's not to say that there aren't deal breakers in relationships but if both people are committed to pleasing the other person (not themselves) then it will work. If you and your mate are always asking yourself "will what I am about to do please her/him? Wouldn't both parties needs be fulfilled? Selfishness kills relationships, not living together before marriage. Think about all the reasons relationships end and I promise you the cause is always selfishness.

Answer 10

No. I've been married for 23 years, and among other things, I credit our living together as part of the success of it. Living together gives on a chance to see just a little more than on a date. You see what traits really grate on your nerves, and where you, yourself chafe against the other person. Lots of people think it's just an excuse for sex...but I think living together is like sampling the water before diving in.