I'm happily and lovingly married - for a year now. But I'm falling for a guy I know at work (who has fallen for me). I'd like to still be friends with him, but what do we do about the serious attraction? What do I do?!
2006-07-11 06:48:45 · 76 answers · asked by huntingrl 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You obviously married because that's the man you love and wanted to spend the rest of your life with. This is simply a test of your faith. You've taken your vows to yourself, your husband and the lord. Tell the man you like that your sorry but you LOVE your husband and do not want to lose him to your selfish temptations. Its ok to let him know you have feelings for him as long as you don't act on them. You will feel better about yourself if you can stick to your morals and over come your lustful feelings. If your husband were in your situation what advice would you give him??? Now if you are truly unhappy with your husband and you feel you made a mistake than y'all got a lot of talking to do.
2006-07-11 06:59:01 · answer #1 · answered by UlickNme 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you know what to do. At least, you know what you should do. Maybe you don't know how to do it.
To create some boundaries, mention your husband a lot to the guy and the things you do together. Be firm and keep your distance. You cannot be friends with him, it would put you in a situation that would compromise your marriage. Don't fool yourself into thinking that you can be friends with this guy. Sometimes you don't even have to cheat to ruin your marriage, sometimes it just matters how things appear. If you are commited to your husband, you will not take any chances, and if this guy is too much of a temptation for you, then you should stay away.
Love is not that fleeting feeling that you have when you're attracted to someone, you are only coveting and lusting right now, don't go any further. Love is a decision to put someone else's needs before your own. When you married your husband, you promised to love him for the rest of your lives. Think about how it would affect him if you developed a bond with this other man.
You know what you should do. Chose to love your husband and everything else will follow in the right place.
2006-07-11 07:09:51 · answer #2 · answered by Sara B 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Once upon a time marriage was 'til death do you part. Now it seems to just be a joke. If you've only been married a year and you are already having attractions to other men then you might want to explain your situation to your husband. If he can accept you for wandering the way you are then I guess you are okay but personally if this is any indication of the way your behavior is as a wife then I don't think it is going to be a very lasting relationship. Maybe marriage is not for you... or at least you and your current husband.
2006-07-11 06:57:20 · answer #3 · answered by casbar12 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Only after a year? I know it is possible to be attracted to someone while in love with another but it's what you do with that attraction. You have to ask your self...is a fling worth losing your relationship, your marriage, your life? This is a serious matter and you should consider all aspects of it. Maybe you weren't ready to be married. I am married and I have seen men that are attractive and I have even worked with men that I have been attracted to but I would never ever consider letting those thoughts or feeling control me or my actions. I love my husband and nothing is worth losing him over. If you feel the same way about yours...you wouldn't even consider "falling". It is a choice! And screw being friends with this guy...it will only lead to more temptation.
2006-07-11 07:08:37 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
RUN FAR FAR AWAY, believe me I've been there and done that. Do not in any way jepordize your marriage. You love the man right and you know he loves you. Then don't do it. Just keep telling yourself that you have a good life and a good man at home and you don't want to mess it up. I fell for another guy after being married for a year, and actually tried to see myself with him. My husband found out and things have never been the same. That can take a lot of trust out of a relationship. So PLEASE just keep him as a friend cuz you don't want to loose what you have if you are really happily married.
2006-07-11 06:56:57 · answer #5 · answered by lillady 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The best advice I can give you is NOT to act on it,you can never turn back time and undo the hurt that will be inflicted.
The trust that you now have (hopefully) in your marriage will cease to exist and change the course of your relationship FOREVER.
If you are close to the gentleman at work explain to him that you too are attracted but that you take your vows seriously and it would be best if you distanced yourself from each other.
You didn't mention if you have children but if you do than that alone should be reason enough NOT to act on your "attraction" Your children will suffer more than anyone.
Get counseling,make more alone time for you and your husband to re-connect and remember why you were married in the first place,rekindle the love and attraction for each other.
The fact that you haven't acted on it yet says that you are a decent person who is just conflicted,Do the right thing,you wont regret it.
Good Luck and God Bless!
2006-07-11 07:00:52 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, your married, not blind. You will come across a lot of attractive men. Nevertheless, you're wrong for acting on these feelings. NEVER do to your mate what you wouldn't want him to do to you. (golden rule). You know deep down inside that if your husband was developing feelings for someone else it will hurt like hell. Just because you have the power to do something, doesn't give you the right. Yet it is not to late to turn things around. Let this guy go. you have to think long term with your husband. If you are to get sick, get into a car accident. Who sill be more than will to take care of you. You and your husband vowed before God to honor and love one another. What you are contemplating is not honorable and definitely is not love. I am not trying to give you a "Keep your man", but tell you how important it is to think things through. Everyone deserves respect. He could be with someone who could really love him and you are wrong for taking that from him. I hope you think about your future with your husband and take it seriously.
2006-07-11 07:27:02 · answer #7 · answered by Dizzy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
stay away from the other guy, keep your relationship professional- remember why you fell in love with him in the first place and start devoting less time and attention to this guy at work and a lot more time and attention to you husband. Love is a choice, emotions are unstable and everchanging- you could choose to love anyone you are attracted to- what's to say you wouldn't marry this guy and some other cutie came along and payed you some extra special attention that oyu would not wind up going off with him. If you want to be a trustworthy, honorable, and virtuous woman, and you want to be treated the same- then grow up- don't spend any unecessary time with this man- if he was honorable he would respect your marriage and start looking for a single girl- go home and fix your husband a nice dinner, treat him to a massage, take a mini vacation together and focus your attentions on what you have at home - otherwise you will get burned and aside from hurting more than one person in your life - you will wind up regretting it.
2006-07-11 06:56:23 · answer #8 · answered by worshipflheart 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I can give you one advise that is simple and plain...Change your work.
You married your husband becus you loved him enough to spend the rest of your life with him. Marriage is a life long commitment. If you dont understand the meaning of marriage, than you are aviously not grown enough to understand the beautie of marriage, Marriage is a sacrad bond between two people, husband and wife. And that bond should be kept sacrad and not break but grow stronger each passing day.
Ask yourself why you married your husband. Thier must have been something specail that you stood before God and exchanged vows.
Your husband should be your best friend, he should be your teacher, your supporter and your mentor. He is your right hand, your right foot, he is your half!
He is the man that you want to spend the rest of your life with, its not something where you buy and see if you like it or not and go return it, its something that you commit to buying forever.
Your happily married w/your husband, why break up your newly happy family? You just started your family why tear it up?
And that man needs to back off and understand that you are a married women, and have no intentions what so ever of being with him EVER! You cant lead that guy on. I would highly recoment that you move to a different place becuz if you have a tad bit of feeling for him, those feeling are gonna grow. And you cant still be friends with him. He has feelings for you and you have feelings for him. It will NEVER work, the only thing that will happen is that your marriage will fall apart.
Maybe your attraction is lust. You have to control your feelings, your a married women and you cant break your marriage.
Be strong and ask God for strenght.
I wish you the best and hope your marriage is kept strong and sacrad.
2006-07-11 09:59:39 · answer #9 · answered by Happily Married 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You Know exactly what you "should " do. If your husband was falling for someone , what advice would you like him to follow? If you are too weak to resist this guy, then quit your job, and stay at home. The opposite sex is everywhere, and if you can't be faithful to your husband, then you are good for nothing! It is not a good idea for a married person to be best friends with someone of the opposite sex. It is always a prelude to an affair, which is the downward spiral to an unhappy life filled with dishonesty, mistrust, lies, you name it. Regardless of how strong you try to convince yourself that you are, "neither give place to the devil". If you value your marriage, then don't think that you can be "just friends" with this guy. Find some female friends who are level headed, and are into the sanctity of marriage. Also, don't start fighting with your husband so that you can make excuses to be angry with him and start messing with this other dude, neither confide in this guy about your personal stuff.
Don't be so weak and selfish. You will do a lot of damage to someone you say you are happily married to.
2006-07-11 07:22:22 · answer #10 · answered by macfifty06 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋