What is the infatuation with men and internet porn? And how far is too far in a marriage?

Question

My cousin who is also one of my best friends is married (3 years) to a man who seems to be pretty nice and normal. He does however seem to have an obsession with internet porn and chatting. Would you think this is a sign of a possible cheater, or that he has the potential to cheat on her? Is this just something men do to feed their sexual needs? He also hides it, and she finds it by looking thru the computer history. So the fact that he hides it makes me think somethings up. (I should probably also tell you the two of them were married when they met and had an affair with each other) So I guess thats not a good way to start a relationship,but isnt it possible that he wouldnt cheat, they have a 3 yr old together.

Answer 1

It's a problem if he would rather be with the computer than be with her. Also, pornography addiction often gets men to a point where they are unable to reach a climax while having sex with their wife, because crazy, hard-core porn is the only thing that satisfies them anymore. I think she needs to address this or the marriage may be headed for disaster.

Answer 2

No, he just needs to satisfy his sexual drive and internet porn is probably the best way to do it. It will help him keep from cheating, it's the guys that don't look at porn who are more likely to cheat. He probably hides it because he is embarrassed. Either his wife isn't horny enough, she doesn't do the things he wants to do, his sex drive is above average, or he just enjoys doing it himself sometimes (less mess, less work, he enjoys the fantasy that porn provides). Any of these reasons could be there, but it probably has nothing to do with his desire to cheat.

Answer 3

In terms of motivation, porn and cheating aren't really the same thing, although to the wife they can both be experienced as "infidelity" on the husband's part.

(In other words, she will often experience it as a personal rejection of her and the marriage, even if to him it has nothing to do with her.)

The husband here probably IS nice and normal. With the onset of porn to the internet, a man no longer has to publicly risk himself (such as ordering a magazine, buying one off the rack, going out to an adult store) in order to view porn. Aside from credit card tracing, there is really nothing but his own will to prevent him from indulging.

And so the problem is prevalent. I will admit to having struggles with it, and I know many men (men with strong spiritual convictions) who at times have a problem with it.

At core, it's about feeling good in the moment due to feeling that out of control of his own life in other ways. Facing a hard job that demands work and no guarantee things will succeed, trying to take care of a family where it's hard to know how to raise kids and connect, trying to keep a marriage going when he feels like his wife is not meeting his needs -- all these feelings contribute to the possibility that a guy will take the "easy way out" in order to feel, even if just for a little bit and in such a shallow way, a real rush of pleasure.

The porn is controllable. The porn gives you what it promises. It's basically a kick, like a mental drug, and you don't have to do anything or fulfill any responsibility in order to get this "jolt."

Now, you talk about "chatting." Do you mean talking with online webcam hookers, or do you mean meeting normal people in online chat rooms and having virtual sex?

I would not equate viewing porn with cheating (although it contributes to a downslide), but I would be much more concerned about "virtual cheating" -- which to me is only a step away from real-life cheating. You are basically practicing a behavior over and over that eventually you will feel the desire to enact in real life.

Your friend needs to pick a good, safe time without kids around (or napping), and talk to her husband about what she knows. She needs to keep her cool.

She needs to let him know this isn't just about her (although he needs to know his behavior is hurting her); that she is concerned for him, doesn't want to see him addicted to this stuff, and they need to work on their marriage rather than him giving all of his energy to the porn. (Because that is what he is doing -- the energy he could commit to the relationship is instead being squandered to make himself feel good.)

And if he is having virtual sex, well, that is a much more serious issue to be addressed.

If he is as nice and quiet as you say, I'm hoping he wants to talk about this with his wife and wants out of the hole he is in. He just is probably passive and isn't sure how to fix the problem areas of his life, so he drops into pornography to compensate.

Answer 4

Tell her not to have any more children until she is sure about what is going on. Porn addiction usually means there is more going on underneath it all. It can be fixed with the right help, if he wants to be fixed.

Answer 5

she can install a porn filter software like NetDog on the computer,that help her to block all porn sites quitely in the background when he's surfing on the internet. http://www.netdogsoft.com

Answer 6

the web is in all probability between the perfect ideas, yet no longer the perfect... i'd say that the perfect is different water structures we've set in position, no matter if it truly is your city water, your sewer structures, and so on; hi sanitation. no one invented electrical energy, it became discovered.. i guess except you propose the skill grids.

Answer 7

If you are married, you guys should not need porn when you have each other.

Answer 8

Sounds to me like he is a dirtbag, he needs to be dumped on his head! She needs to find someone who will respect her and treat her how she should be treated.

Answer 9

It is good.