I want her to know my desire to be compassionate and loving with her. sometimes i fear hurting her because of her illness. I continuosly have to advise my son who loves her very much to be gentle with her. She gets bothered by me having to remind him that she can't be roughed up: he loves to cuddle with her and always proclaims how safe she makes him feel. I have only told my son that she is ill and fragile right now, he is only 9, how do i tell him she is dying? I have never loved like i love this woman. I can't imagine our lives without her. her kindness, gentleways, her positive attitude. Very few people are aware of her being terminal because she wants to be remembered as herslf rather than being pittied. Her strengths are incredible as to putting forth her best efforts in everything. She is an amazing, amazing woman. I love her so very much. i am afraid of saying the wrong thing or doing the wrong thing. how can i discuss this with my son or should i?
2006-07-11 05:08:21 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Treat her as normal as possible, so that she isnt reminded of the fact that she is dying. Live each day like its the last, do memorable things with her, as much as she can, as these will be the memories your son, as well as you will have in your hearts for the rest of your lives.
There is no easy way to accept a loved one passing away, whether its common knowledge or suddenly. Just cherish the moments, and as far as your son "knowing", I dont think he has too, right now, he will only dwell on it, let him spend happy moments with his mom. OR, if you think he should know now, to be some what prepared, you could say something like, "Your mom is sick, and I dont know how much longer she will be with us, so, lets make each day as special for her that we can"!
My thoughts and prayers are with you, God Bless!
2006-07-11 05:15:21 · answer #1 · answered by Katz 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Wow bro I'm sorry, don't lie to him but beyond that I am not sure remember the grieving process remember we all go through the five stages Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance and not necessarily in that order and you can move back and forth. Comfort your son and make sure YOU are ready when you talk to him you are his rock, you will have to be strong for him. You can take what I say or not but this much will be true no matter what LEAN ON GOD read a bible go to church and don't be ashamed to cry holding that in will kill you or make you bitter. It's like.... a hell I don't know how else to help Lean on God if you would like to as me anything or you just need to talk to someone my e-mail is the same as my name at yahoo good luck and God Bless
2006-07-11 12:30:44 · answer #2 · answered by burnin_soulz 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She gets bothered by you telling your son to be gentle with her beacuse she is alive and you are treating her like she is dead already. People don't like that, is irritating and rude. You might be trying to be considarete and caring but that is the WRONG way of doing it, Your son's playful embrace will not hurt her but you keeping your son from treating her normally will. She is right and you need to find other ways to show that you care other than making her feel sick dead,
Treat her normally and engage in normal conversation and activites that are appropiate for her condition. Don't say the "C" word unless she wants to talk about it, Carry on as normal and don;t scold your son in front of her. Unless the end is inminent, don;t tell your son about it as this will be too much on him and it will ruin the special bond and happiness they share,
Good luck
2006-07-11 12:26:25 · answer #3 · answered by Blunt 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that you need to start preparing him for this. The two of you together need to gently talk to him, remind him of how much he is loved, that she will be watching over him always. There is a movie with Susan Saranden and Julia Roberts that shows how a family copes with this. Rent it, it may help you. Also, a councilor or a social worker may be of some help to you. Spend as much time as you can with both of them. You will remember this time as precious moments. God Bless You.
2006-07-11 12:15:25 · answer #4 · answered by mightymite1957 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You not giving your son enough credit. Kids are way smarter than you think. They hear everything and can understand death at 9yrs for sure. Hide it from him and it will only be worse when the time comes. Honesty is always best. You can hide the details if you wish, but break it to him slowly and let him appreciate the remaining days.
2006-07-11 12:14:17 · answer #5 · answered by javelin 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm so sorry. i cried when i heared your question. but I'll tell you what i think your son has the right to know, i know he's only 9 but i think he is old enough to sit down and know whats going on with his mother. When i was 5 my mother just left but the bad thing was it was mothers day i came home with a gift i made in
Pre-K and she was gone, when i was old enough to read my father came to me with my baby book which i still have to this day and on the very last page of the book was a letter to me from my mom saying how sorry she was to leave my sisters, brothers and me, it was the worst day of my life but you know as i grew up i learned to cope with it and i know its hard but i sometI'mes have to stop and think. what im going to say is gonna be a little rough, but he is still young and it will be hard on him but once he gets older and TIME passes he will get through it, but he will NEVER forget her i promise you that.. she loves you and that is what should count right now.. don't look at her like she is dying, look at her like she is the most gorgeous, and amazing thing you ever seen.. i know its eating her inside to know she is dying, don't put more pressure on the situation, live life to the fullest with her right now.. every second of the day is precious.. just LOVE HER....
2006-07-11 12:22:44 · answer #6 · answered by MARYJANE F 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am so sorry for your wife's illness. He should be told by both of you together. Go to your church for some guidance. This is not going to be easy no matter how you do it. If your wife doesn't mind your son hugging on her then let him do it. He's not going to have many more chances. My heart is really hurting for y'all, your family will be in my prayers. You should really tell your son as soon as possible, so as a family y'all can be strong for one another. God Bless!
2006-07-11 12:17:13 · answer #7 · answered by christy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are both aware of her condition, she seems to have accepted it now you need to.
Tell her all the things you've just written, let her know how you feel before you let your chance to slip by.
You can decide between you both what is best for the child to know. Perhaps your family clergyman can help with ways to explain things to your child.
In the mean time many of us will be praying for you and hoping for a miracle.
2006-07-11 12:19:26 · answer #8 · answered by Kat 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would discuss it with him. We have just lost two great gramma's within 2 months of each other. Our children react differently. Tell him she will be going back to heaven. Be gentle when you talk to him, he might understand more than you can believe.
2006-07-11 12:17:44 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is really a tough one, you should ask God, He has always helped me in my times of need, ask Him what you should do. He is a miracle worker. God Bless and Good Luck!
Matthew 7:8
For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.
2006-07-11 12:15:02 · answer #10 · answered by hateizmybestfriend 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋