Need some help. I want to start a family but my husband wants to buy a house first.?

Question

I would really like to start our family and I have tried many of times to convince my husband but he is so set on buying our home first. Has anyone gone through this and if so what did you do? Am I wrong in wanting to have a child before our home?

Answer 1

Your husband sounds like a sound financial planner and one who most would agree with; buy the house first..
This is economic reasoning, and I will digress that it could go both ways, but if you qualify now, with just the two of you, and no hospital expenses that insurance may not cover, you just may get a better interest rate and higher loan amount. If you have the baby first, there will be three of you, which in fairness is a better tax write off, but even that may hurt you because your adj gross income will be less the first year after the baby is born.
Besides, think about this for a minute... Wouldn't it be kind of fun, just the two of you, buying your first home, doing some "personal touches to it, even getting a nursury ready without being pregnant? You wouldn't be able to have any fun... painting, tile, carpet, landscaping, etc... cuz, you could be around that stuff, and we won't even think of the baby being around it.. So, that would delay those personal touches, the work would fall on your hubby, it may not be good for the baby to breathe paint fumes...
No doubt you get my drift here...
Give yourself some time, enjoy the two of you, your first home, the first redecorating projects, just the two of you. Kid's will come soon enough and hind sight is always 20-20, you will be glad if you choose to wait...
Good luck...

Answer 2

My husband was also concerned about having children. He wanted to finish school before I got pregnant. I was always told growing up that if you wait to have a baby until you can afford one, you'll never have one. I finally convinced him and now we have 5 children and a house and two nice cars, and so on. We bought our first house when our first child was 7 months old.

I think you are lucky to have a man who wants to provide well for his family. That is rare these days. But if there is no family to provide for, what is the point? All you have is a big empty house. There are many people on this site that will tell you that the house is more important that the family. That is for you and your husband to decide. You can't take the house with you when you die, but families are forever.

Best wishes to you. I hope you and your husband can come to a point where you can both be happy. Having children does so much to strengthen a marriage and build that relationship.

Answer 3

It's a personal decision. My husband and I decided to have a child first. We didn't want to be locked into a too high house payment and then be stuck with the added expenses of a child. We are two weeks from having a baby and will be able to figure out all the costs of caring for this child and daycare so we will know what we can afford as far as a house payment. We can always downsize on rent but with a house payment you are pretty much stuck. I'm glad we are doing it this way. Besides, we rent a large townhome that we love so there is plenty of room for a year or so.

Answer 4

Children are very expensive and their necessities can take up a lot of room. Buy the house first! Then you know you'll be secure to raise a happy child in a home of your own. Moving sucks with children. We bought our first home after 3 kids. Your husband has a good point. Finding and buying a home doesnt take long if you have the financial support. So you won't have to wait long to try to concieve.

Answer 5

Just make sure the house is large enough for the family you want, or you'll just end up selling in a few years. There is nothing wrong with buying a house if its in the next few years. But if he is trying to put you off for 5+ years, then you both have some talking to do. Its one thing to feel secure, its another to stall.

Answer 6

Your husband seems to know the wise thing. Get a home and then start a family. Children are wonderful but you need to be stable first. There is no rush into chidlren. Get a house now and then start on a family.

Answer 7

Well this really is a very personal choice. People like to do it both ways. If you buy a home first and have more children than you expected you will need more space and will have to sell your home and do it all over again. But if you have children first you may bot be able to save up enough money to buy a home as children are very expensive.

Answer 8

i really think it depends on how far off in the future the house is and how old you are.

i'm sure you're clock is ticking (i'm only 26 and i'm starting to hear mine-but that's likely cause i'm nowhere close to having the daddy picked out and know that'll take time too)

anyway....i'm sure your clock is ticking, but if its only a few years, i would go with financial security over a baby. if its looking like the house is 5 years or more away....i think i'd go with the baby first.

you could cut corners and make a budget together and stick to it without fail...this would hurry the house along, and allow you to put a little back for the baby's needs.

whatever you do, don't "accidentally" get pregnant....after you've been after him for so long, he'll never believe its really an accident, and while he'll love the child, he'll resent you for forcing him into it sooner than he was ready for it.

Answer 9

You are not wrong. However, he sounds like he just wants to get things situated so that it will be one less thing to worry about when you have a family. He is just trying to be a good provider! You should be glad that you have a man who feels this way and is responsible enough to buy the house and then make the family!~

Answer 10

i would have loved to started our family after we got into our house. it's very difficult with children in an apartment. we were constatnly getting our neighbors complaining that my kids were running around (in our own apartment, not the whole building!) too much and the babies cried too much. not to mention it was really hard taking care of all the moving details and such with kids running around. i would have to side with your husband on this. the only thing that would change my mind is if you two were nearing 40 (increased risk for mother and baby with older moms) and not close to ready to buy a home. then i would say have one, then buy a house and decide if you want more.