I am trying to be romantic by sending text messages, leaving sticky notes. writing letters, telling her, and writing on mirrors of the love I have for her. But she will not be romantic back. How can I get her to open up more. I need her to tell me how much she loves me.
2006-07-11 04:59:44 · 8 answers · asked by bulldawgted3 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You may not like my answer. It's not meant as a criticism. It's something it took me a decade to figure out.
You have to be more attractive as a man. The physical is important, but not as much for a woman. What she's looking for, in a nutshell, is confidence. She's seeking security, strength, and resilience from her man. Meet those needs first, before you try the rest. It's like building a house. First, lay a good foundation, then add the bells and whistles. Without that underlying strength, what you're doing implies weakness. I repeat: without that underlying strength, what you're doing implies weakness. In effect, you're begging for her love, not showing your own. The very nature of your question proves this. You want HER to respond. Your behavior is designed to change her behavior. It's not an expression of your affection right now. It's a "passive agressive" attempt to get her to express hers.
So, stop with the bells and whistles. Start strengthening the foundation, which is your confidence. I know it sounds bass-ackwards, but you have to pull back in order to get closer. Stop showing that you need her affection. Start deserving it. Find those areas of your life in which you are successful. (True self-esteem comes from accomplishments). Build on those successes. Make more accomplishments in life, career, etc.
You feel frustrated and unfulfilled. That will give you depression or energy. Choose. Harness those negative emotions into a drive for success. Repair the house, fix the car, plant a tree... Go out and do something you can look at and say "I DID THAT!". Do it for you, not her. Then do it again. And again. Don't point out the things you're accomplishing... It's for you at first, not her.
Pay the bills. Earn respect at work. Stand up for yourself. Particularly in public. If the waitress gives poor service, be polite but firm. Tell her she's treating you inadequately. Expect to be treated with respect. Demand it. Not from your wife at first... from others. Even when she can't see.
Stop showing your weaknesses. Stop seeking her affection. Start earning it. Stop telling her your fears, your wishes, etc. Don't ask for her help or advice. Ever again. Wait for her to offer, then accept it if it's valid. If not, tell her thanks, but "I will solve this on my own." Find those areas where you are not successful. Sort out why. Either eliminate those areas from your life, or find ways to overcome. Succeeding at something that's hard; that's outside your comfort zone; that's beyond your skills... gives a great sense of accomplishment. And builds self-esteem.
Start defending her. In public when you can. At home always. Stand up for her against the family. Especially your parents and your kids. Stay close to her in public. Not to cling to her, but so she can cling to you.
It will take some time, but she will start looking at you with different eyes. The affection you're trying to pull from her will start flowing all on its own. And, once you've become that strong, confident man in her eyes (and especially in your own); THEN you can give the cards, the love notes, etc. Not to get a response... not as begging for affection... but as a man expressing his affection for the one he loves.
Surprise surprise... now it will work.
2006-07-11 05:22:56 · answer #1 · answered by antirion 5 · 9⤊ 1⤋
How long have you and your wife been married and has she been romantic in the past even through the dating period. If she never should any romantic side then you should of known that would not of been a strong personality trait of hers. If she has been romantic in the past then some event or something has turned her bitter. You need to sit down with her and talk things out to see if she will communicate with you the true reason for not being romantic. Lets face it some people just don't know how.
Good luck and I hope things work out for you.
2006-07-11 05:14:10 · answer #2 · answered by dasani 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It will really help if you would get the Book "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman. This book will tell you how your wife interprets love and how to fill her love bank. Also, it might help if you would try finding out if your wife needs you to serve her in any way; like helping with some of the small things around the house or just listening to her concerns. If you can find a way to serve her, it will really draw her closer. As you find out these things, don't stop serving her and continue with the romantic messages. If she is hurting in any way, it will surface as you begin to make yourself available to serve her. Another excellent book is 'His Needs Her Needs' by Willard F. Harley, Jr, PHD. One of the greatest turn-offs for a wife if when she begins to feel that all romantic advances are really a step designed to end in sex. Sex is not usually a top priority with women. Sometimes women just need to feel appreciated and loved through a warm embrace and the closeness of her husband. If you master this, she will reciprocate more. You will find that eventually she will begin to be the who initiates.
2006-07-11 05:21:15 · answer #3 · answered by MC 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you have married a gold digger and what a gold digger she is. Everything she has claimed is not true at all. Gifts are not always required for all holidays but the fancy ones she's stating is usually reserve for christmas, and anniversaries. There is no law regarding payments of any kind except in spousal support in the event of divorce. I strongly suggest that you contact a divorce lawyer without her knowledge. She is using you. The laws of USA isn't that dissimilar to England. I suggest you also contact other British expatriates. Google meet ups and you'll find them. Good luck, hun. She is taking you for a ride, which is an American phrase meaning that she's using you for your money.
2016-03-15 22:37:56 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe the things that you are doing are not her idea of "romantic".
You need to find out what she finds romantic and tell her about the things you like, for all you know she might be trying to be romantic but you can't see it because its not your idea of romance!
Communication is the key.
2006-07-11 05:06:43 · answer #5 · answered by Kat 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you have explained to her that you need this, and she hasn't responded... it may just be a case where she isn't a "romantic" person in the way you are. Sorry, but you can't force her to do things she doesn't think of naturally.
2006-07-11 05:03:51 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Good for you for trying.
Can't force her to do anything. She must do it on her own. Sorry!
2006-07-11 05:01:57 · answer #7 · answered by Fishgutts 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let me know how when you figure it out!
2006-07-11 05:04:08 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋