why do people judge someone who had an affair?

Question

If the person is sorry,stopped,regrets it...why do people hate you so much? are they so perfect?especially if you tried to avoid it...I worked with the person,everyday...after being ignored so long(say 10years)was I supposed to just play dead in my marriage?
that's it? don't you feel the other partner has SOME RESPONSABILITY EVEN A LITTLE? he could have remembered my freakin birthday after 13years...but the ones I love best is the woman who says"OH MY HUSBAND DON'T CHEAT ON ME"
HE'S PROBABLY THE WORST ONE !
IT'S NOT LIKE HE'S GOING TO PARADE IT AROUND...

Answer 1

A couple is always responsible to each other. And for whatever is going on in the relationship both parties have to take some responsibility.

Obviously your straying was somewhat widely known. People's judgement is part of the consequence you are currently bearing.
This does not make their judgemental attitude right.

However, before you stray again take care of your marriage....even if it means ending it.

God Bless.

Answer 2

There is no justification for cheating. If you're not happy with your significant other, break it off or do something to fix it. Cheating is the selfish and lazy person's way out. In your case, you were probably also somewhat spiteful when you had the affair.

And no... the person you cheated on is not at all responsible. If he had cheated on you, would it then be your fault? Would you feel responsible, or betrayed? I agree, he should have been more attentive to your needs... but again, if that's the case, you should have left him.

No amount of regret takes back what you did. The fundamental reason that this will follow you around is because people now know that you can't be trusted because you will put yourself first, and you will argue to the bitter end that you are justified to do so.

Answer 3

You are right in some ways people will have times where they cheat for various amount of reasons/excuses... If you are unhappy and want to mess around with someone else its just best to either tell your partner your thoughts and tell them you are not satisfied sexually or whatever the reason you come up with, and ask them to either put in more effort or spice it up a bit. If I am unhappy with a situation to where it makes feel like cheating is the only alternative, I would tell my partner before I acted on it and see if maybe he may feel the same...You really never know and if you have a good relationship and you are able to talk to the partner about anything they may wake up and actually do something that may help the situation, however, if you were honest about your feelings and curoisity in cheating and your partner does nothing to improve the situation other than be pissed off and make it worse on you I would consider counseling and then if that doesnt work seperation. But, I don't judge cheaters I just think there's better ways in making up for your partners faults, like forgeting your b-day and crap like that, the god honest truth is we are humans and we will make mistakes but thinking there "just" is not the right attitude, its learning from them not accepting them... Love can be faithful...You can TRUST me on that.

Answer 4

Having an affair is not a solution to marital troubles; you could have and should have known that would only make the problems worse.

Nobody should be judging you, it is true. Forgiveness is important. But I think you should be doing a lot of navel gazing if you are still making excuses - you, and only you, are accountable for the choices you made. Whatever faults your husband may have, he did not make you do this. You made you do this.

Look to the future, not the past. The past you can't do anything about. All you can do is change the things about yourself that led to the behaviour, and then set your sights on a better future. The only person you can change is you. :-)

Answer 5

Because people in glass houses love to throw stones. Because people feel that they have the right to judge other people. Some do it for religious reasons but even they are not without sin. Because some people only see in black and white and choose to ignore all the gray in the world. I was legally separated for 5yrs before my divorce was final. I had all kinds of people tell me I was going to hell for having sex with my b/f. (I did not know him while still living with my husband) I am not a religious person so I just blew it off. The things I have said do not mean I support the idea of people having affairs only that I don't judge people. I have never walked in your shoes and therefore do not know the circumstances that led you to this behavior. The only one that truly knows that is you and possibly your spouse. Don't let other people get you down.

Answer 6

They dont judge you.
But facts are facts..if someone commits adultery..thats a fact. And the fact is..that is WRONG! Is calling that fact to attention judgement? I dont think so!

Accountability... we must take responsibility for our actions and accept the consequences..whatever they may be!

Your comments sounded a bit like a little child who is caught doing something he shouldn't be doing...and tries to say "well..so and so does it." Who cares if so and so does it! You were caught and you are the topic of this conversation/confrontation. We will deal with so and so when the opportunity arises.

If this is a concern to you..then ask for forgiveness from your husband and accept whatever he feels necessary to dish out. Ask for forgiveness from the One Whom you took the vows for. Then hold your head up high and never walk in those shoes again. But to never walk in those shoes again also means not to make excuses anymore!

Take care!

Answer 7

WHY NOT JUST GET A DIVORCE IT IS OBVIOUS YOU ARE NOT HAPPY IN THE RELATIONSHIP OR YOU WOULD NOT HAVE WENT OUTSIDE THE MARRIAGE .AND HOW DID ALL THESE PEOPLE FIND OUT.DO NOT WORRY ABOUT WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK OPINIONS ARE LIKE ******* EVERYBODY HAS ONE.
BUT MY OPINION IS ONCE YOU HAVE SEEN SOMEONE ELSE YOU CANT GO BACK THINGS CHANGE SOMETHING IS LOST THAT YOU CAN NOT GET BACK .ITS NOT LIKE COMPAIRING HIM TO THE LOVER ITS LIKE MUD UNDER THE BRIDGE THAT KEEPS ADDING UP UNTIL THERE IS TO MUCH AND THE RELATIONSHIP IS GONE. HE WILL NOT TRUST YOU FOR A LONG TIME. IF YOU ASK FOR FORGIVNESS AND YOU REALLY WANT TO STAY MARRIED IT CAN WORK.BUT IF THE REASON YOU DID IT IN THE FIRST PLACE DOESNT CHANGE THEN I BELIEVE YOU WILL ONE DAY DO IT AGAIN.SOMETHING ISNT GOOD THATS WHY YOU DID IT TO BEGIN WITH..SORRY I HOPE THINGS WORK OUT FOR YOU.

Answer 8

10 years of being "ignored" and you stayed? Why were you married? Shouldn't you have gotten divorced instead? No affair. Why are you justifying if you think it's "ok"? If an affair is acceptable behavior, why isn't plural marriage accepted. The kicker, that you don't say...Your husband didn't care since he ignored you, right?

Answer 9

You should have had the class to move out and divorce your husband first. But it's done now. My advice would be to move out, get divorced, find a new husband online and move to a new city. Then your husband can feel OK about getting a faithful new wife and people in the new city won't know what you did.

Answer 10

well the reason is because it is socially unacceptable and people who do these things are considered dshonest. when you take marriage vows you vow to be faithful. f they are so horrible then get a divorce then go do what you want to do. do not blame others when you know your behavior is wrong and you leaked out your info to the wrong people.