Help my wife hates my mom?

Question

what is the best way to get my wife and my mom to stop using me as a scraching post my wife hate my mom and my mom think she need to see a shrink. both of them are driving me nuts how do you deal with this? anyone have a answer..

Answer 1

Geeeeesh I can relate to this question,........Your wife?.....well lets just say she isnt on the same page you're on,....Your mom?....she will never be on the same page you are on. This is such a typical thing to have happen between a wife and a mom,...the mom will always think the wife isnt good enough, thats just a given thing, the wife will always think the mom is "overbearing" and "critical"........Actually this says a great deal about you as a husband and a son,.....what a great compliment this is to you when your life is being fought over by the two closest people in your life......I think however that to avoid frustration, you sit your wife down and tell her,......:" geee honey, my mom will always think she is better than you, thats just the way she is but I will always love you despite her ideas of you".....then try and tell your mom,....."hey mom,....you need to lay off my wife, I married her because I love her and you're causing problems"......this may piss your mom off but it will allow her to mature as a mom and as a mother in law. This may also allow your wife to see that you are never gonna put your mom aside just because of what your wife feels and says to you, this isnt about allegiance,.....this is about growing up and being real and having your own lives..........if you cant have your own lives, why even live?

Answer 2

This is seriously, the most important issue you have to correctly deal with or it will, and I mean will, ruin your life. You must take your wifes side, but, there is a way to do it without doing it her way. Take her feelings as seriously as she does. Empathise and agree with her anguish then go have coffe with your mom and listen and empathise and agreed with her perspective, too. These women are battling over you. Your father is probably on your mems side cuz he knows better. But leave him out of this, for now. Why don't you take this as an opportunity to impress him with how well you handle this situation? Your wife wants you to see her pain and listen to how she is feeling and whatever you do do not defend your parents or deny the validity of your wifes feelings! Most women feel at least 50% or more better just by being listened to and having their feelings accepted and validated. Then reassure her that you will do something about it. If she asks what? Tell her you're gonna give it some thought first and then let her know by tomorrow or the weekend or some set date that she can count on otherwise she'll think you are just blowing her off and don't mean it. If she gives you ideas how to deal with it, just humor her, and say "wow, that might be an idea" or "hmm, I guess I could try that" etc. Just don't reject anything she says right now cuz she's fighting for her position in your life and you absolutely can not let her feel that she isn't #1. When you go to your mom, reassure her of her one and only place in your heart and life and let her know how wonderful your wife is to you and how much you love her so she won't worry that this women isn't good enough for you. If you present your wife in a favorable light to your mother than she will see her goodness to. Don't ever complain to your mom about your wife, or your mom might serve her for dinner one night. Before you repair your wifes image to your mother, make sure first and then afterward that you tell your mother how awesome she is to you. Thank her for everything she has done for you and let her know how important and special she is to you and that no one could ever take her place. Hear that? take her place! Jealousy between wives and mother-in-laws, has existed since the beginning. So, good luck.

Answer 3

You shouldn't be in the middle. They should have to deal with this. I know I would. Tell them both to grow up and deal with it. Why does your wife hate your Mom? Does she have reason to? Maybe, your Mom is the mother-in-law from hell? If so, tell Mom to back off, that she is your wife, and that you love her, and she needs to civil to her and give her respect or you won't be coming around much anymore. Some mothers believe their is no woman good enough for their sons. That's not true of course, but some feel this way. No matter what your wife does or does not do, she will never be the perfect one. Your wife must give some slack also. When she has a child then she will realize a little of what she is going through. Does your wife need a shrink? My most important question to you is this--do you love your wife? If so, then you must do as the Bible says, you cling to her and her alone. Your mother may be missing out on a great realtionship with your wife, and wife is missing out on something special with her. But, sadly enough there is some in-laws it's a battle all their lives. As I said before I would deal with it on my own, which I did with my mother-in-law, and she respected me for it, I told her I wasn't going anywhere, and whatever snotty underhanded thing she done would just back-fire on her, she also was told I could take her son away totally if I wanted to, but I didn't want to do that...I was mean, but it worked, and can you believe we became good friends, and she wouldn't introduce me as her daughter-in-law, but as her daughter before she died. I miss her, and I am grateful I had the courage to stand up for myself with her. Good luck, and hang in there...God bless!

Answer 4

Bro, I have been there. My wife and my mom didnt really get along at first in my marriage. My wife didnt like it when I would make a special trip to my moms to help her out with something that she needed done (dad passed away), She would say that your mom get can someone else to help her, but my mom has only me as her child. She would us my son as a weopon towards her and only let her see him when she wanted to. This was a big problem and it lead to other problems in my marriage. Ultimitly it lead to us to seperate and almost divorce. We got back together and things have gotten better. We went to counciling and that didnt work. My mom came with us to a few sessions but didnt work. So dont try it. Now things are better. They dont complain to me about each other any more and my son isnt a pawn either. I took control of that when my wife and I got back together. Your best bet is to just get them together and tell them that they need to work out there differance's because it is making you crazy and you cannot deal with the nonsense any more. Tell them to grow up.

Answer 5

Talk about an age old question! The age old answer is... you married your wife. The two of you were to become one flesh. This means if she has a problem with your mother..then BOTH of you should have a problem with your mother. It is your job to try to sort it out and resolve it. But you must always defer to the side of your wife.

Most wives have problems with mothers in law when husbands do not set clear boundaries with is parents and KEEP them. This is usually the BIG DEAL husbands cannot seem to fathom. The man sees no big deal when it blows a wife into a tizzy.

If all else fails..you may need to distance yourself from your mother.

Best wishes!

Answer 6

let your wife know that this is your mom and there is no way we can change that, tell her that yes, you know she doesnt like her but that doesnt mean you have to hear the bad things about your mom from her mouth. how would it be to have the tables turned, what if you didnt like her mom or dad.would it be ok to talk shi.t about them and argue all the time about them?would it be ok to make her try to choose you against her parents? i think she would want you to try to work it out. remeber this is your mom and she is your wife but your mom gave you life and you should never go against your mom,even for your wife, your wife might cheat on you and will leave your mom will never leave. i am not saying take your moms side i am just saying you should try to make peace between them and dont let your wie talk bad about your mom. if she doesnt like your mom have her stay home , if there is a party dont let her go. you have ot go because thats your family but if she doesnt want to try to make it work and have peace inthe family then there something wrong with her, she might need to see a shirnk. but if she is willing to work it out and your mom isnt then your mom has the problem and maybe she is the cause of this falling out. good luck.

Answer 7

Well, well, well. You're in the middle of a power struggle between two women who are important to you. Each is jockeying for position, using your natural affection for them to try to pull you to their "camp". Support one and the other feels "betrayed", right?
Understand what's happening here. You've become the "prize" in a struggle for dominance. Each is trying to win you, in order to dominate the other. Their arguments and reasoning will become ever more strident, and ever more irrational.
The question is pretty simple. Who do you want to win? Mom, wife, or you? Understand that the winner here will own you. Period.
The only chance you have to succeed here is to step up and, literally, be the man. You're not a prize to be won, you're not the pawn they play for superiority over the other. Your affection is not a tool to be used for manipulation. Step up to the plate. Tell them you will not permit them to treat you this way. Show them both that you are in charge of your life, not them.
They won't like that very much. They'll fuss and pout, probably for a whole month. But... in the end... they will both respect you as a man. Right now, neither one does.

Choose wisely.

Answer 8

My Wife Hates My Mother

Answer 9

As someone who hates her mother-in-law, and vice versa, my best advice is to stay neutral. Let them each know that you love them both, but that you are not going to choose between them, and don't want to hear either one of them say bad things about the other. When they do try to use you as a sonding board, be firm and say "I'm not going to listen to you putting down my wife/mother" and walk away. Pretty soon they'll get the idea.

I hope things work out for you.

Answer 10

Rule #1 in a marriage, don't be a momma's boy.

Your mother should not be involved in telling you jack **** about your wife. Be a man and tell her so. Tell if she wants to see her grand children when and if they could she needs to butt the hell out.

Then tell your wife, you love your mother and her and would like to see you be able to get along, but that you refuse to be a whipping boy in their cat fights.

Your wife needs to lighten the f&ck up.