I had an affair 2 years ago but ended it out of guilt.
I have been with my husband over 12 years.
Yes,I've tried talking till I'm blue in the face,cried to him,warned,threatned too...
divorce is not an option,I have children,and I won't take their daddy away for me being selfish.
He's a good man,just not an attentive one,I'm the comfy old recliner to him.
how do I make this feeling go away?
I don't want to feel so lonely and miss the person I had the affair with...(it lasted a year and 3mos)
it ended 2 years ago,but if I wanted I could go "today" and be with this person,but my marriage is more important,my kids.
I just feel like I'm drowning...
2006-07-11 03:45:26 · 9 answers · asked by NONE 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
he cheated way in the beginning when we were first together...
but we were so young,he has a baby from it...
no,it wasn't a payback...
2006-07-11 03:47:02 · update #1
yea,danette,I REALLY have tried...
once I even yelled out"you see that's why I cheated on you"
he's the type of guy who wakes up on your b-day or mothers day and says"let's go buy you something"
instead of him having to be inconveinanced to figure out a gift.I told him I didn't mean what I yelled,was just trying to get him mad...
2006-07-11 03:58:13 · update #2
The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over & over & expecting a different result. Ever heard of "shaking the sugar tree"? You need to find a different approach. It is time for him (and you) to stop punishing you. Start doing things (aside from cheating) that make YOU happy. I bet he notices.
2006-07-11 03:55:22 · answer #1 · answered by T S 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Marriage counseling if you truly want to stay married to a person you have so little regard for that you cheated on them or was it your payback. Speaking of comfy recliner is that really why you say divorce is not a option?unfimiliar harder to face? Divorce does not remove children from a parent unless you allow it. Life is short and a you are a example to your children if you are miserble and unhappy that is how they will see marriage. See a counselor ASAP and try to figure out what you need to do to make everyone happier.
2006-07-11 03:59:49 · answer #2 · answered by M T 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm not an expert but you must remember the reason why you married him in the first place. Now you seem to be dealing with guilt and that is not healthy. There must be something that made you marry him though he cheated you in the first place, you have to remember 'the good time' and recreate that happy atmosphere at the beggining of your marrige. It is clearly seen that you are fighying to make the marrige work and not fade away, and I suggest you to go to marrige counselor, every once in a while a little of prfessional help may work. Play with your kids a lot, because if your children see you sad, really and believe me that it brakes their heart. It's HORRIBLE to see one of your parents depressed and lonely. If divorce will make you happy someday your kids will understand it, maybe they get it from the beggining which is positive. You need love from a man, but also think that your kids love you and you must take a profit out of that. Divorce, in my opinion is a crime but do whatever you think is right. I wish you good luck, and any decision you make will have something positive.
2006-07-11 03:58:39 · answer #3 · answered by elipra91 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well first thing I need to know is if you've really sat him down and told him how he's making you feel and having an affair just opens the doors for more bull b/c when it comes out and it will come out what do you do not only is your marriage over but you are an adulterer so think if youreally love ya husband you'd do what ever it takes to make him realize what you are going through!
2006-07-11 03:51:09 · answer #4 · answered by Danette 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can tell by your post how much you are hurting. I am sorry you are in such a situation.
That being said. As Dr Phil says..you cannot solve relationship issues by going outside of the relationship.
If you cannot manage to get him to listen toy ou and you are serious about your quest to repair your marriage..consider going to a couples/marriage councelor by yourself. They may be able to give insight as to how YOU can be the person to insight passion in your marriage. I say you because you cannot push a stubborn mule to do what he doesnt want to do..but SOMEONE has to step up to the plate and change! It might as well be you. Right? Once he sees a change in you...he may be more open to change himself or willing to go to the couples counceling with you.
Please do not keep the thought of the other relationship on your "backburner". You need to hunker down and recommit to your marriage and fight for it. Give it all you have! But let your husband know your marriage is worth fighting for and prove it. Make your marriage and its survival your mission in life! Seek counceling.
p.s.
Ask for forgiveness from the Lord for your adultry and you never know..The Lord may open your husbands heart to you again. Sometimes it is the small things that can set big things/changes in motion.
Best wishes to you!
2006-07-11 05:05:05 · answer #5 · answered by AccountableLady 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, I admire you for sticking with him. I have gone through the same thing already with my husband. You have to give it time and prefessional help may help.
Does he know you cheated on him? Sometimes guys are just so hurt that they don't want to do anything. I know it doesn't make sense, and hopefully he will come around again.
2006-07-11 04:24:04 · answer #6 · answered by ~~Catbird Woman~~ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dont think of what happened back then, think of whats going n now. think of the positives
2006-07-11 03:48:48 · answer #7 · answered by Pre lives on 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Marriage counseling and sex therapy
2006-07-11 03:48:26 · answer #8 · answered by Hello A 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Learn to love him for who he is and not what you want him to be.
that's what's love is all about
PS, love comes with honest, trust, and respect.
2006-07-11 04:12:54 · answer #9 · answered by hotdesersand 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋