A pessimist's blood type is always b-negative.
Practice safe eating -- always use condiments.
A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.
Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.
I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.
Marriage is the mourning after the knot before.
A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
Corduroy pillows are making headlines.
Is a book on voyeurism a peeping tome?
Sea captains don't like crew cuts.
A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor.
Without geometry, life is pointless.
When you dream in color, it's a pigment of your imagination.
Reading while sunbathing makes you well-red.
A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.
Dijon vu -- the same mustard as before.
When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.
What's the definition of a will? (Come on, it's a dead giveaway!)
In democracy your vote counts. In Feudalism, your count votes.
If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.
With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft, and I'll show you a flat minor.
When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.
The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
Local Area Network in Australia: The LAN down under.
He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.
Every calendar's days are numbered.
A lot of money is tainted. It t'aint yours and it t'aint mine.
A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
He had a photographic memory that was never developed.
The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.
Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.
When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.
Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.
Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
Acupuncture is a jab well done.
Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat.
http://www.total-knowledge.com/~willyblues/
2006-07-11 02:26:01 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous in Education & Reference ➔ Words & Wordplay
From WILLYS JOKES 7/10/06 A GOOD PUN IS ITS OWN RE-WORD!
2006-07-11 02:26:42 · update #1
How about some proverbs, The meek shall inherit the earth , after everyone else is done. The lion and the lamb shall lie down together, but the lamb won't get much sleep. I ripped these of from Woody Allen.
2006-07-11 07:11:15 · answer #1 · answered by Sue Chef 6 · 3⤊ 3⤋
do you know why I preserve vegetables? Because I can.
Marriage is a forever endeavor. Amen
"He was as smooth as silk", claimed Polly Ester, of her former boyfriend. " But he tried to pull the wool over my eyes and I don't cotton to that. I'm through with him and that is vinyl and I cannot be suede."
My vegetables are mad at me for the way I cook them over boiling water. They're really steamed.
2006-07-11 16:53:11 · answer #2 · answered by kitten lover3 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've always been a fan of good sarcasm..
2006-07-11 09:30:06 · answer #3 · answered by girlfriday 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋