Do you think my wife is lazy?

Question

I have been married for 4 years now and I am constantly cleaning up after her. We live in a 2 bedroom apt. She leaves her stuff every where. I am always telling her to clean up her own stuff. When there is a load of wash that is done in the dryer she will take out her clothes and fold them and leave mine there. When there are dishes in the dishwasher, she will take out our son's cups and leave the rest of the stuff in there for me to put away. She doest vacuum or clean around the house. Then when I goto do it I have attitude because she doesnt help me and she then will ask why am I so crabby. I tell her because you dont help me to try and keep our place neat and I am tired of cleaning up after you all of the time. She leaves bags on the table that she brought from a store for weeks til I have to put it on her side of the bed so she gets the picture to put it away. She will take the tags off of her clothes and leave them around. I find them every where. Any suggestions....

Also, I do most of the laundry in the house and when I do her clothes along with mine, I hang up the clothes that cannot be dried and dry and fold her other clothes. I make dinner because basically I can and she isnt that good of a cook. We had a deal that I would take care of some things around the apt. with some help from her when I need it and she can take care of the baby's things (keeping his room clean and putting his clothes away), she is even getting away from doing that. She was raised this way also. When I first met her, her room was a mess. Clothes every where, piles of magazines, new stuff un-opened, just a big old mess. Her mom is the same way and her dad is cleaning up all of the time. But he doesnt cook, at least she can do that. Then when there is old mail sitting and receipts sitting around for weeks I throw it away, she gets mad at me because I did that and I tell her that it has been sitting there for 2 weeks and you didnt touch them. She says nothing and walks away.

Answer 1

Yeah, she's lazy. But didn't you know that when you married her?

Answer 2

Is she a SAHM? If she is home taking care of a baby, then sometimes that can wear you out and leave you feeling like to don't want to do anything else.

On the other hand, if she was like that when you married her, then you kinda knew what you were in for and can't really blame her. Instead of trying to get her to make drastic changes that she won't stick with, maybe have her start small by coming up with a weekly chore list for the two of you. Maybe ask her to do some of the smaller things in the beginning. You can even clean together sometimes. I caution that you should try to approach it with a positive attitude whatever you decide to do. If you complain (like my husband does), then you probably won't see the results that you want to see.

Answer 3

Maybe she's not lazy, maybe she doesn't know better. Some people are naturally disorganized. You could sit her down and look at her in the eye without anger or resentment and say something like " I really need your help around the house more. I just feel like I can't do it all." Maybe you can get her to be in charge of one or two rooms at least. Or you could get a book about housekeeping and leave it on the table! : )

I have a messy husband, too, and I think it's because he never had to pick up after himself.

Answer 4

I would try seriously sitting her down and discussing the situation and explain to her that you cannot do all of the cleaning/laundry. And if she does the laundry, she needs to do ALL the laundry, not only hers and your son's. If this doesn't work like I suspect it won't, try doing the same thing to her- Only do cleaning or laundry for yourself and your son. Cook dinner for only you and your son. When she asks why you didn't make enough dinner for her, tell her that you're trying to make a point- that you are able to survive on your own, and don't have time or enegy to work, come home , cook and cater to her. Continue to only do your stuff and eventually after she's done being mad, she'll probably start helping out a bit.

Answer 5

I don't know...she sounds a little like me...I do what I want done in my own time. I also have trouble concentrating and finishing a task, any task, even if it is something I enjoy. My doctor says I am ADD, and wanted to put me on drugs, but I chose to seek counseling instead. I am much better about focusing on the task at hand, but still get overwhelmed on occasion.

Talk to your wife, and perhaps find out what it is that causes her to keep this sort of behavior. I do know one thing, telling her what to do will make her do the exact opposite. You are not her keeper nor her father. When you have this conversation, try not to be so harsh and judgmental...she is your wife, after all, and mother to your son. Have a little respect.

I shall pray for you and your family, dear one.

Answer 6

Looks like she is the kind of person who loves her mess. Such people are hard to change in adulthood; but perhaps with gentle perseverence, you will succeed one day.

Try also telling her gently that she is hurting your feelings by doing only hers and the childs stuff and leaving yours for you to do. Tell her, how you would appreciate some harmony in the work around you. If all this doesnt work, try bringing some friends home, and have them comment about the state of your house in a joking way; when she is around. That sould get the message across. You might also seek the help of her friends or family members to do the talking on your behalf.

Answer 7

A little mess doesnt mean your wife is lazy,does your wife work/look after your child?
If so
Do you think all that she does is done for nothing.
Maybe she feels if she is looking after your son/working that she's doing enough and wants you to pick up the rest.
Have you ever asked her if your life style is too much for her?
Some women dont do cleaning but are great mother's/partners.
Live a little and leave a little mess,its not the end of the world.
christy

Answer 8

sounds to me like she outwitted u. you r doing all the work why should she? She sounds like a little kid testing the waters to see how far she can push. stand up and let her know her limits but remember it is 50/50. Also about leaving receipts and stuff i know that some people can get easily distracted i think u r too knit picky don't say anything just take care of it cause it is likly she got busy or distracted and lost focus. just enjoy the fact that u have someone to love and who loves u and enjoy the time u have cause time goes by quick and u never know what tomorrow will bring.

Answer 9

Sounds like my husband also, does she at least work. I hope so. She is really immature and lazy. I work 55 hours a week come home and cook, clean, play with my son, etc. etc. Lay down some rules. Get rid of her before you have any kids.

Answer 10

Wow.... not only is she lazy, but she is selfish and inconsiderate as well!!!!!

You quit doing these things for her! When things get too filthy and you can't stand it anymore, pack a suit case and go to a hotel for a few days. Tell her that you can't stand cleaning her filth anymore and when she learns to pick up her toys you will play with her again.

Would you really want to stay with her forever if this is just a preview of things to come?

Answer 11

i do think she is lazy, if you are living together then you should do everything equally and share ALL the house work and put things away after yourself A TIDY HOME IS A HAPPY HOME, just sit down and tell her that you want some help around the house