I am 26 years old and my husband is 32. I have tried everything that I can think of to make this work. We have an eight year old daughter and a baby on the way. Our relationship has been complicated for a couple years now. He works offshore in the oil field and is gone all of the time. When he is home all he wants to do is call his friends on the phone and get on the computer. The last time he was home out of 2 weeks we only spent 3 hrs total together. I am on complete bed rest due to a complicated pregnancy. I need him more than ever now but he just isn't having it. He would rather be out spending money. (or even online). I am getting to that point in my life that I am getting really lonely and don't know what to do. I have brought the issue up but he doesn't care. I just don't know if I can start over now on my own with 2 children. I wouldn't even know how to go about starting a new relationship. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
2006-07-11 00:13:22 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Patty: The only bad thing about his friends are that he works with them. Why would he need to spend time with them when he is home with me? He spends more time on the boat with them at work than he does with me.
2006-07-11 00:38:56 · update #1
As frustrated as you may be at the moment, in the middle of the pregnancy (and a difficult one at that), it's not a good idea to get out of a marriage.
As cold as it may sound, put up with it until your child is born, your hormones adjust back to normal and life settles a bit. Then take a look again and see whether things have changed and how you feel about him and your relationship. You've already told him how you feel, so it's not as if he doesn't know. If he continues to be indifferent to you after your baby is a few months old, then reconsider.
2006-07-11 00:52:34 · answer #1 · answered by scubalady01 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel for you. It doesn't sound like you're getting anything out of this relationship. Do you think it's a good idea to end the marriage now while you're still pregnant, it will be terribly traumatic for you? If you are 100% sure that that's what you want to do you should tell him in no uncertain terms as soon as possible. Do you have a support system, family that you can stay with or who can stay with you after you've broken the news to him? It is very hard to bring up two children by yourself but it's even harder with a partner who doesn't give a damn. Don't worry about future relationships right now. Get through your pregnancy and the break up and then take each day as it comes. Good luck.
2006-07-11 00:21:20 · answer #2 · answered by SweetyPie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This Site Might Help You.
RE:
How Do you end a 11 year relationship? (6 years of marriage)?
I am 26 years old and my husband is 32. I have tried everything that I can think of to make this work. We have an eight year old daughter and a baby on the way. Our relationship has been complicated for a couple years now. He works offshore in the oil field and is gone all of the time. When he is...
2015-08-18 23:55:47 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, this is rather sad and complicated. He is the bread-earner in a very tough job but he maintains your living, right? Life on rigs can be very tough and without any fun, so (to some extent) he's entitled to some fun and recreation on his shore leave. You're temporarily grounded because of your pregnancy but when things come back to normal try befriending him and go out with him (get a babysitter first) and renew your relationship. You are right in stating your difficulty about starting a new life with two kids at hand. Just take it easy, wrecking an 11 years relationship and a happy home is not an easy thing to do. Good Luck to both of you and God Bless your family.
2006-07-11 00:40:45 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well i can tell you exactly what you need to do. First off don't be telling us your problem. You need to tell HIM what your feeling. That your serious that it could end your marriage. If he cares he will be there. Counseling or whatever. And if he isn't receptive move on. I know Im getting out of a twenty year marriage. If i had spoke up about how I felt even ten years ago things might have been diffrent. Divorce is ugly, painful and hard don't take it lightly. But if your still not happy lifes to short not to be. I have a wonderful lady now and i am....
2006-07-11 00:34:56 · answer #5 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ending a marriage after a long struggle to save it is one of the most difficult things you can do. If you've come to the conclusion that enough is enough, and it's time to end it, the first thing to do is make a plan you can follow so you won't be worrying about logistics while you're emotionally vulnerable. Hire a divorce lawyer, decide how to handle your kids' schedules, figure out where you will live, and get your finances in order. After that, it's time to say goodbye and start your new life. See Step 1 to learn what it takes to end a marriage
2015-04-08 06:47:20 · answer #6 · answered by Maribeth 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The last thing you need to worry about is a new relationship.
Sounds to be like he needs an ultimatum. It's understandable that he wants to visit his friends, but he has a family that should come first. I don't have any good advice. Sounds like he isn't home enough to even suggest marriage counseling.
If he truly doesn't care, after the baby gets here, pack up and divorce him. Work on taking care of the kids and yourself. Don't worry about finding a new relationship. When the time is right, it will find you.
2006-07-11 00:31:36 · answer #7 · answered by PATTY H 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am so sorry. And I wish I knew the perfect answer to help you and your children. I only have some ideas based on a similar experiance...You probably realize but have not honestly and deeply accepted this fact: you can not change him at all., but you can change and control yourself - specifically you can control how you react to his behavior. And this second fact sucks...life can be very unfair and worse yet there are no guarantees that the right thing will happen to "good" people. So, consider this: if he's a decent father and provider, stay the course as a working relationship. Find your support and friendship outside. Go find what you need, but stay with him and be faithful. Pray for him and your family together. And help yourself.
2006-07-11 00:30:14 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't need to worry about how to start a new relationship...that should be the least of your concerns, as even if you leave your husband it doesn't mean that you need to go find a new man right away (nor is it healthy to, especially with kids in the picture.)
Write him a letter (or talk to him) and make it known to him what you are considering doing if things don't change. That in itself may be a reality check for him and he could work on things.
Good luck with your pregnancy and with your marriage....
2006-07-11 00:28:06 · answer #9 · answered by bluez 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he won't talk or condider marriage counseling then it's not much you can do -- except decide what you want out of life and go for it. If you don't have a college degree then get one so that you'll be able support yourself and your children if you decide to leave. Take online courses if you have to. People start over all the time with more kids then you have.
2006-07-11 00:22:11 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋