The Wrath of Lonliness
Tears that take form
Rolling down youre face
The smiles once known
beggining to erase
Laughter fading into the the night
colors changing from bright to balck and white
Mind filling wiht darkness
trying to let go of what started all this
Your soul slipping away
more and more day by day
Hands are to weak
to grasp the cause
The strength you want to endure
is put on pause
Anger scratching at your heart like vicious claws
You look to the people you once trusted
but like nails there compassion has rusted
Wondering if theres a higher being
you pray to the air
But you get no answer
theres no help there
Somehow you have become hopeless
living your life with the wrath
of eternal lonliness
-self
2006-07-11 00:04:20 · 4 answers · asked by sadbear420 1 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Philosophy
when i sit alone on the pavement of memory lane
images float by, disgrace, humiliation, aggression
I wonder if I'm crazy or is the rest of the world insane
the ugly bonds of predicted conclusions, depression
this irreversible condition of the mind; the constant pain
crush these little notes and never talk, expression
when the **** house goes up in flames
I'll step right up and take the blame!
2006-07-11 07:52:38 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 1⤋
Nice try, not the poetry yet. Not enough metaphors, too many abstract notions (lonliness etc), what is the rhyming for? Are you writing lyrics for a rock band?
2006-07-11 09:36:34 · answer #2 · answered by jacek s 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
cadence is a little off but all in all not bad
2006-07-11 07:09:17 · answer #3 · answered by Grace 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
PRETTY GOOD EFFORT.
2006-07-11 07:09:14 · answer #4 · answered by MUSHMAN 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋