Chatting on the Net?

Question

I have always wondered why so many people go into chat rooms or to dating sites to chat, most men (sometimes women) are generally Married, my husband cheated on me with many women on the net, he got very cosy with them, but, just about everything he said to these women were total rubbish and lies, he came very close to meeting up with one of these women, but backed down at the last minute, dont these people know who do this type of thing that they are playing with peoples feelings and also coming between relationships and Marriages, I just dont understand what the attraction is and why they have to do it, I'm one of the lucky ones, I found out about most of them, (probably many I didnt), and we have managed to keep together, after 3 years, I am still hurting inside and now I dont ever trust him, but it is getting easier, I think the hardest thing about what my husband did, was that he did it all whilst I was very ill with Cancer. Please explain why this sort of thing happens.

Answer 1

Chatting on the internet in chatrooms etc is what can be described as a fantasy.
It is a place where you can be whatever you want to be and say what ever you want to be and probably never gonna be found out.
It can also be an escapism from live.

I am not trying to condone what your husband did, and it is shocking that he did it while you had cancer which must have been very hard for you but it would have been hard for him also and he probably tried to take solstice on chatrooms.
As i said people can be whatever they want to be on them they can make up jobs they can make themselves sound better than they are.
And once the first lie has been said then it just leads to more and more and more.

Chatrooms on the whole can be seedy places where anything can lie behind the other screen of the person you are talking to.

I noticed you said that your husband cheated on you with many woman on the net but you imply they never met.
I suppose that then comes down to your definition of cheating, is talking dirty on a chat room the same as going out and having sex with a woman?
Presumably your husband will have tried to explain why he did what he did.
Also your part about playing with peoples emotions, well you ever thought that the people your husband was lying to were maybe lying right back at him.
It was probably just a complete fantasy for him, but an addictive one at that.

Anyway i hope youve recovered from your cance and wish you all the best in the future (and sorry if this isnt that helpful)

Answer 2

You're chatting here. Your chosen name is "hotbabes". Now, I'm not saying that you're here for anything other than to waste a few minutes or to make friends etc. but there is obviously a touch of the flirt in your good self.

A lot of people do get flirty, a lot of people even see "cyber sex" as a bit of harmless fun and not cheating at all. Probably a lot of people have no intention of cheating when they first talk to someone on the net.

Just like they don't intend to cheat when they first meet the new guy in the office, or the friendly girl at the gym, etc.

People are social creatures and the internet is another facility through which we communicate. If your husband used it to cheat on you, then it says more about his nature than the nature of the internet.

Flirting and chatting on the internet is easier than face to face - it breaks down inhibitions and takes away physical features which might otherwise make a person less attractive, or give away a lie. It cannot, though, make a cheat of an honest man, or an honest man of a cheat.

I'm sorry that your husband betrayed you and I hope you get things sorted out one way or another. I think your problems may lie closer to home than evil temptresses on the far end of an internet connection, though.

Answer 3

The human psychic can be divided into three basic parts, the id (impulsive behaviour), the superego (conscience) and ego (maintains the balance between the id and superego).
The id resides in the unconscious (i.e. the part of us which makes up the majority of our personality and houses our buried life stimuli and experience) and the superego and the ego is in our preconscious/subconscious (i.e. is the part of our psychic that we can access if prompted but isn't part of our active conscious (the part of who we are that we are aware of). There also exist the nonconscious (which are the things we haven't experienced; hence it is not a stimulus).
In other words consider the id to be wrong and the superego right, the ego would then be the thing that help you to choose or keep a balance between the 2 (too much "superego" and the person would be driven by rigid morals and would be judgmental and unbending in his or her interactions with the world....too much "id" and impulse and self gratification takes over the persons life). The thing that needs to be strongest is the ego.

Human beings only have two drives.....sex and aggression.
Sex representing our drive to live, prosper, and produce offspring and aggression our need to stay alive and stave off threats to our existence, our power, and our prosperity.

Because of the anonymous nature of online interactions, we lean towards the id (anonymous interaction opens us out to the possibility of catering to id without any consequences, i.e. is the reason why people are more likely to do wrong in a group or if they know they can get away with it) and totally block the superego because the rational is that it is not real (tangible) hence what every you do or say online will not suffer any consequences, that is one of the reason why even when caught by spouse doing things online it is sometimes equated to watching an x rated movie and enjoying the sexual interaction of the couples................so in their mind the whole sexual act only is a modern interpretation of watching an x rated movie the advancement being that it is not satisfaction contained in the imagination but in virtual reality. So people would more easily explore sexuality online than in person, with the rational that the virtual world is just an extension of their imagination. The question is, is this extension of our imagination wrong or not, it all depends on your moral standards (superego), if you are the sort that thinks that to even think about it is a sin/wrong, then you would natural have issues with it, but if you are someone with a vivid imagination like myself you would only consider it an extension of your fantasy.

Why is a virtual unreal sexual interaction considered cheating? It is just a manipulation of our fantasies using technology, not much different than having a wet dream. There is a difference between a man who does it virtually and the one who goes out there and cheat on their partner.........

I say the man who does it virtually is just using technology to extend/explore his id in a safe unreal environment thus keeping his superego intact, while the man who actually cheats on his wife is actually doing something that negates his superego totally.

Answer 4

I also do chatting with both men and women on the net. But that is only for friendship. But not for dating or other awful things. As you said I know there are so many bad men and women chat in these rooms. But I think you can avoid such people and maintain your dignity. I feel sorry about you and shame about your husband. But it is the person who chats is responsible for their behavior. If u know what is good and what is bad it is upto you to decide which way you should choose. Some jobless, ill -mannered people do these types of horrible things and they wont realize until they fall into trouble.

Answer 5

the chat rooms are there for a reason, and that is because there are a lot of lonely pepole out there and this gives them a chance to meet and talk to people without being judged on loks (at least until after their personality has a chance to win through) and the fact that getting rejected online is a lot less personal and a lot softer than getting rejected in person. The real question should be why there are people who abuse this sytem, why do they feel that they need to lie to have an affair..... Don't hate the game, hate the player

Answer 6

You're assuming that the objections you raised... are objections to EVERYONE.

I know of several married people who do this just to enhance their fantasy life. Besides... if you're NOT looking for a "RELATIONSHIP"... and you just wanna PLAY... who cares if she's married and HORNY... if she's interested in playing?

I'm sorry that your husband cheated on you using the net... but the NET is just like anything else... It's how you USE it. A gun can be used to STOP a CRIME or prevent it. A car can run down an old lady in a crosswalk, or take a pregnant woman to the hospital to give birth... The net, like a PHONE, can be use to arrange appropriate friendships, or tawdry affairs.

Answer 7

I am very sorry to hear your story. Many people are fascinated by the chat rooms to enter into a fantasy world. Some are mislead in the due course but some just do it for time pass. It depends how we take things.

Answer 8

It is very difficult to say y such things happen..I am also a married person and i do chat with people..But all have been very friendly chats and we share lot of info....

Anyway, if what u have written is true, I can only feel sorry for u...

Answer 9

it depends on a persons mentality,it happened bcoz ur husband is not a trustworthy person and lies everything,there r many ppl who r gud and honest and chat sometimes just to past their times or mk friends,well all r not the same.

Answer 10

i believe that people escape on the internet. some do to make themselves feel better about themselves others do it legitmently to meet new people as they dont have enough confiidence to go out to social gatherings. really happy that you and your husband are sorting things out. and i hope your life is now cancer free. take care and good luck