ok i came out of a long relationship 5 mth ago it was 8 years and 3 kids, i still love her but she says she does not feel the same, anyways after asking her over and over again to try again i gave up about 2 mth ago, since then i have sorted myself out new job, still take kids religiously working out alot and really planning for the future, however i still love my ex to bits so i do still talk to her when i go for the kids the annoying thing is though her and her father keep telling me to move on!
havent i already?
what am i to do find someone else who i dont want just to say i have moved on?
i dont want another relationship and what is the harm in waiting for her and see what time brings?
its not as if im asking her to get back with me anymore.
why do they keep saying move on!
i have god dam it as much as i can lol
2006-07-10 23:40:37 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
my question was.
why do they keep saying move on when i already have as much as i can.
2006-07-10 23:45:39 · update #1
It seems to me that the issues you've presented are not really about the relationship you had with your ex-wife but with your own feelings. You can't expect her to give it another try unless you give her something worthwhile, and you can't give that to her unless you feel comfortable with yourself, not in general, but as of right now.
The first step is looking at yourself and noticing all the bruises you have from beating yourself up. Eight years and three kids is more than just a chunk of your life to let go. It was at least half or more. You can't expect yourself to go trotting along just because your wife and her family says so. They're only human, they can make misjudgements. And *you're* only human. If it was that easy, nobody would ever be hurt. Does that make sense? Give yourself a chance to heal and give yourself a reason to do it.
Once you can look at yourself and not frown anymore, try finding your best friend and having a talk with them. Ask them what they think are your strengths and your flaws. Chances are, your flaws can be fixed, but the important thing is to remember that you shouldn't. Yes, I said that correctly. Don't try changing yourself or nitpicking at all your flaws in hopes of making yourself "a better man." I have never seen anyone who has been happy with it or the outcome. Truth is, your flaws are as much a part of you as your strengths. Know your flaws. Acknowledge them, but don't try to make yourself "better" because you're great just the way you are.
Step three is the golden rule: RC-PIA. Remember, Cherish and Put it Away. If you have photo albums of you and your ex-wife, go ahead and look at them. Smile at the goofy haircut she suggested you get that one year. Remember it and cherish it for what it is --a memory. And to keep your memories untangled from sadness or regret, put them somewhere safe but out of your everyday life. It's okay to have photos of your kids around the house, they won't be going anywhere. But keep those old memory books and wedding albums tucked away under your bed or inside your closet. It's okay to reminesce but try not to linger. Remember, RC-PIA.
After doing those things, you should be feeling good about yourself. Take it easy and watch a movie. Go out for a cup of coffee with your co-workers. Take life as it comes. When you think the time is ready, try talking to your ex-wife again. It's important to let your loved ones have space to breathe and live without being tied down by threads. Talk to her as a friend, get to know her again and give her another chance to see the better side of you. You don't have to beg her for a second chance at it, *give her* a second chance at knowing you. This way, you can't walk away with anything less than a friendship and you'll have at least a chance at something more over the horizon.
I hope my words have meant something to you and I wish you the best of luck with your life.
Cheers, Jess
2006-07-11 00:05:28 · answer #1 · answered by alexmac118 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's very hard. So much happened and it's gonna take time for u to get out of it. We can't say its over. After all u guys have had kids and a been living together for quite some time. I think u should give her some space instead of continuously making her understand that u really need her and wanna be by her. Let her feel the way u feel. She must be irritated hearing about it all the time.. Give her time. she needs it. Don't pressurise. Time is a great healer and u'll definitely come out of it.
Al the best
2006-07-11 06:47:31 · answer #2 · answered by Achiever 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
lol ,,, yep i do understand u ,,, suppose ur friends or family can c that u still love her and u wasting ur time on waiting 4 her and THEY can c that's there is no future ,,,fact that u saying u love here so in fact u didn't move on ,,, oh yes u started new life and u pretending u live it but its not what really should be ,,,well i just only hope 4 u that in year time u will move on 4 real ,,, im sure there is out there who is waiting to be loved by u ,,, and will give u all love back u deserve ,,, best luck 4 future
2006-07-11 06:47:17 · answer #3 · answered by yyaliceyy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think maybe they're just worried about you although according to your own account, you seem pretty well on the correct track. Most of the things you say are right especially not looking for somebody else just for the sake of saying that you have moved on. Maybe you can tell her and her father, just be upfront about it. And ye, theres always the thing about the kids. I dont know about that, I dont have any yet.
2006-07-11 06:47:27 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i dont think waiting will make any difference, if she doest want you now she never will, they are being thoughtless just telling you to move on things are not that easy..
you have 3 lovely kids and there is a big world out there just try to keep occupied and do things you enjoy, time heals and you will be fine and hey no one knows what the future holds.. xx
2006-07-11 06:46:03 · answer #5 · answered by missnikid 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well good For you the next person that says move on tell them you have.But i know and you know if you are not going into another relationship because your waiting for her to come running back that you might not have moved on as far as you could of.
2006-07-11 07:57:15 · answer #6 · answered by pig m 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
They're telling you there is absolutley NO HOPE. That she does not want you at all. No harm in what you're doing, only to yourself. You should see about some counseling to help you out. Good luck.
www.love-sessions.com
2006-07-11 06:45:01 · answer #7 · answered by heidielizabeth69 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i sujjest u leave her and start ur new life
she is mean and if she come back in ur life u wont be able to live happy
u try to search for new life partner and tell her abt ur kids
but before u get marry a new one
try to understand her and let her understand and feel you
best of luck
2006-07-11 06:46:53 · answer #8 · answered by ravi s 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She thinks that just because you talk to her you aren't moving on. Tell her you have know her a long time and still want to talk because of that and thats it.
2006-07-11 06:44:30 · answer #9 · answered by nastaany1 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if your asking if you have moved on you are thinking that maybe you havnt n you just said whats the harm in waiting for her and see wot time brings so no you havnt moved on sorry
2006-07-11 06:44:38 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋