I am not trying to offend anyone, but why do some gay men act so feminine?

Question

I am just curious. Some gay men switch alot and try to sound too feminine. I didn't say ALL; I said some. For the gay men, do you prefer this type or do you prefer a gay man who presents and carries himself as a man?

how come nobody answers the question asked and always divert it to a different topic?

Answer 1

I am sick of all the stupid queers on yahoo! Thanks to them the world now has AIDS thanks a lot fruitcakes!

Answer 2

Everyone is different. Some guys may just be feminine in nature. We all have a mixture of masculine and feminine personality characteristics. Many people are predominately one way or the other and only show a little of the opposite. Many others have a good balance, only slightly tilted towards their gender of birth.

When a man is overtly feminine, or for that matter when a woman is overtly masculine, it may be due to some hormonal differences, it may be due to learned behaviors growing up, or sometimes it is a concious way of acting, because they want to portray a certain image. I think this last option is rare.

As a gay man, I prefer guys who are masculine. But sometimes a litle bit of what we call, "nelly" in a guy is fun.

But please indulge me. You said something about a gay man presenting and carrying himself as a man. He IS a man, and it is insulting to suggest otherwise. If he carries him self in a way that shows more of his feminine side, so be it, but he is a man.

Answer 3

Why do they act that way? The same reason you act the way you do....it's just the way you are.
Now...some of the younger gay men act feminine because it's just an act that they put on in front of others. Some gay men are very dramatic and they put on the act for attention. They tend to grow out of it. You won't see a lot of 35 year-old gay men who act like this.
Though my partner is more or less on the effeminate side, it is who he is and I know it's not an act. We've been together 16 years. He is just as much a 'man' as any other man. The way he acts means nothing. The way he is inside is what matters.

Answer 4

Hey,

A fair number of gay men are physically small and slight of build, you will notice if you go to a gay bar that the number of lightly built young men is high in proportion to the number you would see in a straight club. Part of that is related to the fact that self-aware gays recognize very early that they are gay and that they "need" to look good, so they diet and care for themselves at a much younger age than straight males (at least those straight males who ever do) -- but that can't be the whole reason. Jonathan has been toying with the idea that there is a higher level of vegetarianism among young gay males, or that they don't get enough protein for some other reason -- I think it probably relates in to the same set of chromosomal interactions that make men gay to start with (I am NOT a biologist or bio-chemist, my advanced degrees are NOT in that field). In any event, its very real.

Many gay bois are very sensitive and gentle, sweet and soft. Some of them are also feminine. Some of it (drag queens) is deliberate, but alot of it is natural, or seems to be to me. Other gay men are, as you say, invisible. No-one ever guesses Jonathan -- we have a memory many years ago, when he was doing his final projects in biochemical engineering for his undergraduate degree and his study group was meeting several nights a week -- and on Friday he said "OK, got to go home now, dinner will be ready" -- and one of the other boys in the group said "Oh, your girlfriend cooking?" and Jonathan just automatically corrected him "boyfriend." The other boy leaped up and said "you're gay?..... you're gay?" and ran out of the building (I'm not kidding -- and he apologized the next day and said it was just his fundamentalist upbringing kicking in, but he was better now). The two of them had been in the same study group for three years -- the topic had just never come up. Even I am fairly easy to miss apparently I know people who have known me for months before they realize. It's the picture of Jonathan and I on my desk at work that gives me away -- I think, that and the occasional buttons I wear.Not that I try to hide, I don't -- but it isn't a topic that just comes up unless someone brings it up.

As to which I prefer. Some of the nicest gay bois I've ever known have been very feminine -- others not at all. I never cared one way or the other. It's the person I care about. I certainly don't make decisions based on it one way or another. I am a nurturer myself, not terribly feminine but very caring -- and when I see the young ones, I have a great desire to protect the little ones that are too gentle to survive virtually. Otherwise I don't make a difference at all.

Regards,

Reynolds Jones
[e-mail]

PS And as for romance and sex -- if that was an unstated part of this question. I've only had a very few b/fs in real life, mostly when I was quite young -- Jonathan and I have been together for a very long time -- however, a pretty boi is just as attractive to me as a manly man - possibly more so. I have no interest in transexuals -- those are just women (no offense) -- but as long as its a boi with the proper equipment (size is immaterial) and LIKES being a boi and doesn't want to be a woman, then being gentle and caring and sweet is a plus, not a minus -- at least to me.

Answer 5

we are all humans. and we have the right choose who we wish to spend out lives with. look at it like this. When you see a lesbian couple one looks like a butch or is called a butch because she is more manly. So in a gay relationship it is the same thing, the more feminine male takes on the female role and the other one takes on teh male role. Does that make sence. I have been to gay bars before to watch the drag shows, they are the best. and I have looked around and I have noticed who is the female in the gay relationship and who the the butch is in the lesbian relationship. I am straight, and I have noticed from going to gay bars to watch drag shows. That women are all over each other kissing and gropping. Then show no affection. They may sit side by side but no touching or kissing. A lesbian gets up to get a drink or use bathroom and she has to kiss her mate good bye and do the tongue action, then when she return the same thing more kissing and tongue actions. I would have to say that gay men are more well behaived and act appropriate in public not like the lesbians who have to flaunt it in front of everyone.

Answer 6

The problem is gender role stereo typing. Our society has a preset standard about how men and women are supposed to act and carry themselves. Those roles are not physiological. There is no evidence that men are physically designed to be a certain way, it's the way we EXPECT them to act. It's how poeple are TAUGHT to act. Men who are feminine are just being themselves. That's who they are confortable being, so be it. Nothing internal says a man must be into sports, cars, tools and fighting. Nothing internal says a woman has to like cooking, flowers, jewelry and lace. These are just assumptions society makes.

As a lesbian, I don;t prefer either type of man. I just want people to be happy and be who they are.

Answer 7

I don't admire the testosterone male who is always ready to attack as he feels like a bull on patrol. If the testosterone male doesn't get his medication he will bite do some damage. Those living in the countryside can see the affect of testosterone on the bovine animals. A steer who has little or no testosterone looks quite normal whereas the bull gets huge and ugly and extremely dangerous. The bulls are killed off as soon as they show bad behavior as only one is needed for a hundred cows. I suppose we need some bulls. Well there are gals who do need them.

Answer 8

Some gay men act feminine and at least 80 percent of cross dressers are straight. Could be their brains were wired at birth. Who are any of us to judge.
An open mind can keep you young,
Tammi Dee

Answer 9

The same reason that some heterosexual woman act so masculine. Every human being is different with different degrees of sexuality. When society finally realizes this, they will stop this obsession with homosexuality.

Answer 10

It just depends on the person. There are sooo many types of gays.

Is the guy a top, a bottom or oral?
Is he a transexual?
Is he into leather?
Does he pretty much act straight?

It just depends on what the person prefers.

Answer 11

Among gay men there are a lot variety.
within one group is also another group