My husband has an ONLY daughter from previous marriage. She is almost my age ...I am 3 yrs older than her. I've been trying to make friends w/ her, sent her gifts, sent her cards and I think I did everthing that needs to be done...but still she continues to REJECT me. I know and I completely understand her feelings, so I continually try to deal w/ her nicely, I know where I stand and I know in her eyes I am such an "Intruder" to her father's attention. What concerns me now is my husband is starting to get pissed of the idea, he said "She can either be part of the problem or part of the solution, she needs to make a tough choice, if cant be part of the solution she will have to bear the lose of her father". I dont want that to happen...please help me... I dont want to ruin their wonderful friendship, I know my husband loves her daughter so much..I dont care if she will continue to be mean to me. What should I do???
2006-07-10 20:49:46 · 12 answers · asked by SeductiveLady 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
you need to sit down with her and talk to her about how she makes her father upset with her..and you need to tell her you don`t want to be her mother just her friend and that her father and you were marry because of love for one another and tell her it is time for her to grow up and get over it..because no matter what her father and you will be together and nothing not even her will split you two up...
2006-07-10 20:56:10 · answer #1 · answered by tshee70 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Being a step daughter I know how hard it is to deal with a new person in the family. My biological became a lesbian when I was a little younger than a year old, so I was used to my father dating. He is finally settled down with a woman who I call my mother. She is an amazing person. Things just take time, I know it will be difficult but if your willing, give it a try. Being nice to her shows her you can be trampled over. Try being more aggresive and show her you mean business. Don't let him push her away, that will make her dislike you more. (Trust me, I have been in that position) I am almost 17 and my wonderful step mother is a young 34 years old so age is a serious factor in this type of relationship. Trust me, it gets better. Trust is a big deal in this also. Have a talk with your husband and let him know that you mean business and that you do not want him to push her out, this will lighten the situation a bit more. Maybe you should get them together for dinner and see how she reacts to you making her one of her favorite dishes and if she shuns it, you know she is just being stubborn. If you would like to talk a bit further feel free to IM me, I am always willing to help. Good luck!
2006-07-10 21:00:12 · answer #2 · answered by Pork Chop 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, either he started really young or he is really rocking the cradle. Second, is there underlying hostilities, in other words, were you the reason for her parents break up? If you were then both you and her father need to take the upper road and continue to offer out the olive branch. Even if you weren't the cause, remind your husband that he chose to have her, not the other way around, and that he should never put a woman above his children. Also, do you plan to have children? If so, trust me when I tell you the hostility has only just began. I don't know how long you have been married, but you might want to rethink, and he might want to get someone closer to his age!!!!!
2006-07-10 20:57:14 · answer #3 · answered by simplyfabulous 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How dare you call her a step-daughter. You should be her step-sister. How demeaning -- can you imagine a peer calling you her daughter. If your husband loved his daughter he wouldn't of married someone his daughters age. You're not an intruder to her you and your husband are an embarrassment to her.
If she has a mother she's living with just leave her alone --- the "wonderful" relationship with the person that seeded her (the father) is just a selfish one way relationship, he wants her to make a "tough choice" because he didn't. He choose to lay pipe on someone that could be her playmate instead of picking a ROLE MODEL.
Please if you don't have children with this coward don't make any. Neither one of you is fit to be a parent and your step daughter's behavior is the PROOF!
PS: Best to get rid of her because if she has friends around that's the age he likes to bang. You're all a bunch of idiots thinking between your legs without a thought to the consequences.
2006-07-10 21:08:44 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sit your husband and your step daughter down and tell them that this is a serious problem - that everyone gets to speak their mind without consequence, so you can get everything out in the open. And be honest with them about how you feel - don't get defensive or go on the attack, tell your step daughter you are trying to understand what she's going through and that you're not trying to be her mom or be a mother figure... you are who you are and you are married to a man you love - her father. Let her know you aren't trying to get between her and her father, that you aren't going to steal him away from her...
Whats most alarming is that your husband is willing to lose his own flesh and blood over a woman who isn't related to his daughter. (no offense to you!)
Good Luck!
Aloha!!
2006-07-10 21:01:05 · answer #5 · answered by gabriel_demus 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
UCK Sorry not much sympathy here! It sounds like a guy that cheated on his past wife to be with you ( a younger version for a wife) Marrying a Man that already had a marriage and a daugther to boot is the price you pay.
Who are you to come push her aside. Not to mention she's almost your age, I'm sure she's not just mad at you but her father as well. How can you trust a man that would do that.
2006-07-10 20:53:58 · answer #6 · answered by double v 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your husband is very right, but is lookinga t it from the wrong angle. I have counseled many people on this and, frankly, it is near to abandonment to have a daughter and wife the same age. She doesn;t look at you as a serious wife... she looks at you as a plaything for dad. And, as hard as it sounds, she will either accept it or not.
Trying to be her bud isn;t going to help. It is best that you and your husband sits down and talk about times when your step-daughter can see her father without you. Frankly, the fact your husband would threaten to estrange himself from her for ANY WOMAN amazes me.
I am sorry it sounds callous... but it is the truth.
2006-07-10 20:58:56 · answer #7 · answered by Talisman 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell your husband that by ostracizing his daughter he is becoming part of the problem. his daughter is going to percieve the situation as though you are making him choose between the two of you. that would just annihilate any chance of her having a civil relationship with you. making this kind of ultimatum is emotional blackmail, which no one in this situation even appreciates.
it's probably better that you don't try to win her over with material gestures, in excess this can seem insincere. it's easier to warm to the idea of you being a part of his life if she likes you. continue being nice to her. persevere. it might take a hell of a long time. but if she sees that you make her father happy, and are a genuine person, then she won't be able to contend you.
2006-07-10 21:01:24 · answer #8 · answered by sienna of hearts 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
WHAT YOU PREFER MOST, YOUR HAPPINESS OR THAT SPOILED step daughter BRAT STUPIDITY?Ignore her and think about your husband needs, you did everything and she does not please you,who cares!You supposed to live with her father and not with her!Someday she might get tired of being jealous!Don't spend time with that brat,focus on your role as awife and think about you incoming children she has nothing to do with your life!You have nothing to be guilty about,she is a childish brat!
2006-07-10 21:01:48 · answer #9 · answered by tutax 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just ignore her completely, but do not be hostile to her. Let hubby win her confidence and convert her to your side. Time can solve this problem, if there is a problem.
2006-07-10 20:55:39 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋