Married nine years. Sex life is limited to once per month. Spouse doesn't want sex ever, what do I do?

Question

We were strong in that area but it has slowly tapered off the last two years. Help!

Answer 1

We've been married 35 years and until the last few years my husband and I are finally enjoying our sex life due to better FOREPLAY. With the kids out of the way, we watch X-rated movies that helps me, and oral sex is something we found that we both want. My husband found out that he found pleasure in watching me have an orgasm. When I have it, I want more. So, my advice is to make sure your wife reach an orgasm (she may not have it and is faking it for you). Have you ever thought that it's you, not her is the reason she might not like it. NEVER forget that the best foreplay helps a woman enjoy sex much better, and will probably beg for more. I could tell more, but hope this might help a little.

Answer 2

What you need to do is get her turned back on. She could also not feel sexy, so you need to make her feel like she's the most beautiful human on this planet. Maybe buy her a sexy outfit that you'll love and she's feel comfortable in (maybe go shopping with her?) Wonderful smelling candles always does the trick! Bring romance back into it, make a night all about you two instead of stressing if the laundry is done or if you remembered to feed the dog. Bring back sexy husband and wife and let go of busy mom and dad for a bit. You need to make her miss those sexual feelings and you need to get creative. See if the grandparents could take the kids one night? And start the rendezvous a little early so she can't use the "I'm tired" excuse. Even getting a small haircut or facial hair trim could spark something. Good luck!

Answer 3

9 years and you are still getting it once a month???!!!! That is pretty good. I have been married only 4 years and I am lucky if my husband makes loves to me once a month. I don't care so much about it now, but it used to bother me and drive me crazy. After a while i realized that sex is not everything. It is important but not that important. As long as I still get it every now and then it is ok with me. If I am too horny...then I just pull a wack (masturbate) . At least that keeps me from going crazy or from looking around for someone else who could satisfy me. Cheating is out of the question.

Now, go pull a wack or take a cold shower.

Ps: DOn't they also have some pills for women...like a viagra for women??? Maybe she can try that.

Answer 4

It sounds a little like you have stopped communicating.... And communicating is not just with words.... And I am uncertain if their are children as well.. If so it always makes it challenging even more so..... First it is OK that this is happening and even better that you are concerned enough to post a question... Again, it is about communicating. And maybe it would be nice if you could start by making her feel special since you are the one asking..... Remember all of the things that attracted you to her in the beginning... And take it from there........ I have to say this one last thing........ You can communicate by feeling and touching her all over every where not just the obvious areas....... And take your time with her...... Listen to her and she will come around and catch on with a few subtle hints as to what you would like as well...... Best wishes to you both....... And she has someone special because you cared enough to ask......

Answer 5

I have been with my girl for 8 years, same situation started about 2 years ago where it was really bad...I mean nada and the quality was not that great. We actually seperated (I moved out) for about a year or so. What changed was "I" was able to think long and hard about our situation and all that, but the reality was that I was able to take her out to dinner (dates), movies, theme parks all kind of places, !!!then go home !!!which I believe gave me and her time to miss and desire to be with eachother once again...so it brought us back together after like 3-4 months doing that. But heres the thing now, I am not saying that we have sex all the time, but when we do have sex its of way better quality and sometimes she initiates now..and communicate! Good luck you got to have patients.

Answer 6

I think there could be a serious problem here and you need to sit down and communicate with your spouse about this situation and possibly seek marital counseling to find out what is really going on. Please do not sit on this issue because this could lead to someone not being satisfied in the marriage and venturing out to new territory if not already being done and possibly a divorce. I hope that this bit of information helps and that every thing goes well for you.

Answer 7

I don't understand this either. Maybe you should see what has changed. Any babies? You are still acting like before, looking like before? Is she depressed? Sometimes depression or other problem can cause a woman to lose interest. Is your or her hygeine still good? Sometimes it is simply something like bad breath or such. If everything is the same, ask her what is up. Talk about it. I think it is not normal for a woman to stop wanting to make love to her husband. You are right to be concerned. Talk it out. I hope you can have a success in talking this out. Making love is important in marriage. It is when two people can feel very connected and become like one spirit.
Good luck!
^_^

Answer 8

It's pretty much normal for it to taper off, things get normal and less arousing.

Try to spice things up, also flowers, walks, taking you wife/husband on a date (not the usual, but something romantic), or just something sweet.

Try to get things back to the 'new in love' atmosphere and create a feeling like your still dating instead of just married.

Answer 9

What has been the reason for the decline? Is anyone messing around? Why doesn't spouse want sex, this sounds like something else is causing the sex problems, it usually has a primary source!

Answer 10

find some quite time for eachother. try something new, new positions or new passions, like sex games, role plays,acting out the fantasy,eating off eachother etc.sex becomes monotonous after a while. try to spice it up.go out for long walks,cook together, enroll in sex therapy classes.remember the old times when you two were dating?try it also. find a babysitter and have a night in a hotel. remember everyday hectic life takes a toll on sex life. it is common.go to the movies and have fun.