I know I'm going to regret this but....?

Question

I am overweight. I'm not talking just a couple of pounds. However, I do feel I am also a very pretty woman. I am 31 and have been married for 15 years. I have two teens. When I met my hubby I was thin. I gained the weight through pregnancies and medication. He tells me I am beautiful...that he would never change me. I do believe he feels that way but I also think he wouldn't mind too much if we woke up tomorrow and I was thin. So my questions are...do men who say those things secretly think otherwise? Do most men only want a thin woman? Would any of you men out there give an overweight girl a chance to see what she's like at first before turnning her down just because of her looks? And women...what do you think when you see an overweight woman on the street? I know there is more than one question here. Sorry about that. I'm just really curious. Please...no ignorant replies. Everyone has feelings and I'm not up for being depressed tonight. Thanks for your help.

Answer 1

I think that if your guy tells you he would never change you, he really means it, when somebody loves you it doesn't really matter how you look but I also think they wouldn't mind to have a girl that looks great!
I am also overweight. I was 120 pounds when I first meet my husband, then I gained some pounds (well actually many, I was 180) and when I was really fat is when he asked me to marry him. I decided to loose some weight because I wanted to, and he confesses that he likes me better now. Right now I am 140 and I feel comfortable with it.
Some women that are overweight but feel confident look great! and some that have excellent bodies but not confident don't look that good.
So girl, you should always feel pretty and confident and that will show, and if you want to lose some pounds do it, if it is what you want it'll make you feel even better!!

Answer 2

Jim R and Ampotratz....wow, you just made alot of big girls feel like a million dollars! Thanks, because I'm a bit on the rounded side myself. LOL! And quite often I have the same insecurities as the asker has. My husband as well says it doesn't matter, but I often secretly fear that weight does matter. He met me when I was thinner. But when I had a baby...well..... let's just say, I ended up with more than a baby. LOL!
Anyways, I just want the asker to know that it's all about confidence. Yes I do look at big people sometimes and notice, but only when they are wearing a tube top and sweat pants. If we are dressed well and hold our heads high than we have nothing to worry about. It's all how we present ourselves. It goes the same for thin people. I see so many that don't present themselves very well, and it's the same thing. I find that what I do notice is confidence. I think that confidence really makes a person. Confidence beats weight, hands down. If you put a thin person and a heavy person side by side and the heavy person was confident and the thin person was not, I would automatically think the heavier woman was prettier. And I would be jealous. I always size people up with confidence. I always think.....I want to be you!!!

Answer 3

That's a nice question. Very candid, lots of good background information.

My first wife was slender and very pretty. But she was also needy, demanding, and high-maintenance, and after 10 years of marriage we split up and divorced.

My current wife was pretty and full-figured/curvy when I met her. She also had a bad case of fibromyalgia at the time that we met and moved in together, and by the time we got married she had gained quite a bit of weight from resting up and getting her health back. The fibromyalgia is largely gone today, but she continues to have trouble losing the weight after carrying it for the better part of a decade. She is still very pretty, but she is a small gal and the extra weight puts her technically in the obese zone.

I don't mind the extra weight at all. She's pretty and she has an independent, easy-going, sweet personality. She also likes a good romp in the sack and we have a great sex life. (Losing weight wouldn't make her sexier in bed. At our time in life and after almost a decade together, good sex depends much more on good attitude rather than good looks.)

As long as she's a good companion and a good wife, that's really all I need. When she frets about being overweight, I just show her my own love handles and tell her that's what happens when you hit middle age. You can't stay young and perfect forever. You get overweight, you go bald, you get a few wrinkles, etc. etc. That's just life.

I did worry somewhat about what the extra weight was doing to her health, especially when the fibromyalgia limited her ability to be active. But once her health improved a bit, we started going down to the health club together (working out on weight machines together and then hitting the treadmills together), going swimming together, and eventually started going out ballroom dancing together. These days she is strong and carries herself well, and the doctors say her overall health (blood pressure, bone density, and all those things) is far better now than when she was thinner.

So I honestly don't care whether or not she loses weight. We're not kids anymore, and we can't expect to be perfect in all regards. Once you hit a certain age, there are always going to be trade-offs. Whatever we lose in our looks, hopefully we gain it back in maturity and common sense. She is delivering 150 percent in all the important categories--good personality, good sex, good attitude, stays healthy overall, takes care of herself overall and contributes more than her share to a good, loving marriage. Whether she loses weight or not is entirely up to her.

So if you're worried about how your weight is affecting your marriage and your husband's opinion of you, then try to look at the big picture. Don't worry about the fact that you don't have the figure of a 16-year-old. (I'm guessing that your husband doesn't have the figure of a 16-year-old either.) Instead, look at things that lead to overall satisfaction.

After 15 years together, you can probably take what your husband's saying at face value. If he's saying the weight's not an issue, then it's probably a low priority for him. If you're still not satisfied and really want to fine-tune your relationship a bit, then losing some weight is only one of several categories where both of you could do some work (and it's not necessarily the most important one). So sit down with him and inventory the relationship as a whole, and figure out where the real priorities are. Look at overall attitude, staying active, doing things together, etc. If you want to make improvements in your relationship, then finding an activity you can do together and spending more quality time together, for example, might strengthen your marriage way more than losing a few pounds.

Hope that helps. Sounds like you have a good attitude, a good husband, and a good marriage.

Answer 4

Since you and your hubbie didn't wake up one morning and see that you became overweight at once, he hasn't seen much of a change. Slowly over the years you gradually changed, and never too much at one time for him to doubt what beauty he sees in you. However, without the love, he would have a concern unless he likes women with more weight to them. I personally, might secretly want the thinner woman, but indirectly. My significant other's beauty would be obvious, but other womens' beauty would draw my eye in public places and such. I might give an overweight girl a chance if I thought she had that intangible thing called inner beauty. If this makes me shallow, so be it, but i'm being honest.

Answer 5

Your husband is probably MORE concerned about the health issues of being overweight.
Your right he probably wouldn't mind if you lost some weight. In the human mind a slimmer (not skinny) person equates to health. Health is sexy.
Before you think I am a pig.
I have dated several overweight woman. And they were all bueatiful. They are the most sensual people on this planet. They are more loving and caring and sincere than the model types.

They care about the thngs that matter the most instead of alot of the superficial things that so many women burden themselves with.

Your beautiful.

Answer 6

Hunni, i would believe what your hubby says. I am 35 and have had 2 kids also. I cannot say that i am overweight by any means, but I could stand to lose a few pounds also. My husband tells me the same thing yours does. I believe that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. As far as large women go, i donn't judge anyone, I have been judged too many times in my own life to do it to someone else. I don;t think it would matter if you woke up skinny the next morning or not, I think he loves you for you and all of you no matter what size you are.....hope this helps hun......big hugs

Answer 7

Just glad to see allot of good thoughtful answers with this question and I think most of them are on track. Don't drive yourself into the ground over this. Personalities with true love can never go wrong. If you still feel this is an issue start walking, get a bike and start off slow, say 10 15 min in the morning before work. You will lose weight doing this and you will feel better as well. But never be ashamed of who you are.

Take care and glad to see you receive so many good answers.

Answer 8

Wow, that's a lot to answer... So, If he thinks your beautiful, and you feel he dose, then he is looking at you from the inside. He loves you for how you are as a person, not how you look! You can take a drop dead beautiful woman with a terrible personality, and it will make her the ugliest person in the world! Sure, if you woke up thin, he may or may not be happy? He loves you for you, so be happy! As I get older and wiser.... Looks are not as important as they use to be! Personality is King! Looks take a back seat... Don't get me wrong, I'm not into really over weight woman. But I do give them a chance! Don't be sorry, you have someone that loves you! Cheer up!

Answer 9

Well, honestly speaking if a husband loves his wife then he wouldn't care even she is the ugliest and the fatest and the worst of the worst in the world....that is call LOVE and ACCEPT. Off course some husband do care about the looks of his wife and that doesn't mean he doesn't love her if she is not up to his expectation. I feel that it is a matter of acceptance to a certain degree. A husband must also be very open to tell his wife about his expectations rather than be a hypocrate.
Seeing an overweight women in the street sends chill down my spine because I am dead worried being in that size will make me so clumsy and sickly. Please don't get me wrong, I don't mean overweight is ugly. Simple reason being scare is that I am worried for that person as an overweight will face a lot of health problem i.e. diabetes, high BP, joint pains, high cholestrol thus will lead to heart attack. Besides health problem one will face clothings problem, shoe size problem, walking problem, ........so, may I adivce you to lose some weight for your own health reasons even your husband wouldn't mind about your size.

Answer 10

As a married man with a new baby, I am in a similar situation. I tell my wife all the time that I think she's beautiful and I love her just the way she is...and I mean it 100%. I don't think about her being skinnier or any different, but honestly I wouldn't mind if she was. It's not a bad thing - it's just like if she loved me as I am but wouldn't mind if I worked out and had bigger muscles or something like that. I really don't think anyone would MIND if the person they cared about most looked better or felt more comfortable about themselves. But still, I am so in love with my wife and am very happy with who/how she is/looks.

As far as men wanting a thin woman goes... I don't think so. Men like attractive women, but not just physical attraction. They can be attractive in a fun sense, in a mysterious sense, in an intellectual sense, or many others besides looks (being skinny). If you are comfortable with you are and are fun to be with, you will attract men, plain and simple. We like confidence (but not arrogance)!