After 3 years of being together my parents and hers have told us they are disowning us and now my kids don't want to be with me unless she leaves(even though they didn't have a problem with it before now, they always said they liked her)they have decided that we were not experimenting and that they could not handle it anymore. I love her but I feel obligated to my kids too what should I do? We are very respectful and loving nothing indecent so please no gay bashing..Our hearts are breaking and we wanted to be together always.
2006-07-10 18:52:48 · 9 answers · asked by sure2staywmy1 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
It sounds like you have too many ppl telling you how you should live already. When I was growing up, I didn't like my stepfather... mostly because my grandparents didn't like him and convinced me that I didn't either. Then we moved out of state so we didn't have to deal with my grandparents. Now that I am an adult they get along great... it just happened over the years.
And on a similar note... my gf used to be a Jehovah's witness, and her parents still are. They would not speak to her until last year because she was dating me. We have been dating for 4 years though, and have a great relationship. They just decided that it was okay to talk to her again, I guess.
Point to all this; There is always someone ready to tell you what you are doing wrong in life... if you ask for their opinion. Just my opinion.
2006-07-10 19:11:47 · answer #1 · answered by linetap 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel your children are looking at your parents as symbols of stability. What they don't understand is that you and your partner have 3 years of love; not many people in this world can claim that.
Understand that many children go through a rebellious stage. But they are "your children". The reason for rebellion are not always within a parent's control; yes, you did raise them the best you could however factors beyond your control (like your parents, like your childrens friends, TV, gossip, what is taught in school, other adults, etc) also influences how a child thinks. This "rebellious stage" is often just a temporary stage. But, take serious note here, the "rebellious stage" can be an indication of long term erroneuos thinking of your child and especially your parents!
The end result of your parents actions seperates you from your children, that's serious! And so "tough love" must be in order. This means action, a "love attack" if you will.
First, you need a plan. The plan must come in phases. The first phases start with bargaining with your parents. For example, see if they understand the dire consequences of their actions for your children (for now leave your partner out of the discussions, but have your partner at your side, silent, and holding your hand). Ask your parents, when, God forbid, they should go to heaven, where will the children go to if they need advice? Ask them, did they give birth to your children? Ask a series of barrage questions and don't let them stop you. If they want to interupt, raise your voice louder than theirs say, "Did you give birth to my children!?" Do this everytime they want to say ANYTHING at all, even if they are just talking to interupt you. I would plan on at least a 30 minute speech, only you, never let your parents have 1 single word in.
If you can't get access to your parents, get to your children, and plan an equally verbally devastating uninterupted 30 minute speech, with your partner by your side.
Don't let them get 1 single word in, if they attempt to, they are manipulating you. This is the definition of love, strength of your character and spirit.
Let me present a question before you, what more damage will they do if you hurt their feelings?
Your are purposely not talking about your partner, because the childrens welfare should be the focus of the discussion. This is rational thinking. Be prepared for the various arguements they will make after you have your say.
The second phase (if necessary) is not as rational as the first, but desparate times call for desparate measures.
I can only hint at what you would consider doing next. But I believe you will see a progressive pattern, that you have control of the situation, not your parents, not your children because neither of them know what true love is - They only want to wedge your love interest, and that's hatred.
Whatever you do, your partner must always be their with you, silently holding your hand, being your source of spirit and strength.
Never give up, always pursue your best interest in a distinguihing manner.
* Get counseling for all parties involved
* Ask other relatives for help
* Give up everything you own and give it to your children, unconditionally
* Get a mentor (because your parents are no longer in that role)
* Find a constructive method to vent your anger (so as not to effect your partner) For example, get a dartboard with a picture of the parents
Options, Options...never giving up...acting swiftly once deciding on a course of action.
I would like to share with you a true story. I have two friends that are blind. Before they got married, his parents objected to them geting married. Well, she decided to write a speech in Spanish (but Spanish was not her primary language). They somehow gathered a whole bunch of relatives together, to which she listed reasons why they should get married. At the end of the speech, she declared they were getting married no matter what anybody thought. By the end of the speech, their was not a dry face in the house.
2006-07-10 20:19:46 · answer #2 · answered by whirl_wind_mallard_man 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to follow your hearts, and you need to explain that to your parents and your kids. Ask them all if it's important for them for you to be happy. If they say yes, ask them which is more important, that THEY love the person you're with, or that YOU love the person youre with.
Ultimately your kids will get over it, and your parents will HOPEFULLY get over it, but at the end of the day whether they do or not is not as important as you being with the person who makes you happy.
2006-07-10 18:58:54 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
it's not about your parents or your kids it's about the two of you for your the ones in the relationship and if your parents really love you then they also have to love who you love and your kids are the same way so you just got to get tough and tell you folks and the kids take us for we we are or don't take us at all. yes it might hurt but you have to live your life the way you see fit.
2006-07-10 19:06:49 · answer #4 · answered by outlawprincess5321 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm very sorry to hear this is happening to your family. Depends on how old the children are. Sounds like they've been brainwashed by the grandparents.
2006-07-10 18:57:28 · answer #5 · answered by stseukn 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to decide what's more important to you: your family, your kids, or your partner.
I'm not saying it's fair, but this isn't a happy happy joy joy world. You have to make the decision and then live with it.
2006-07-10 18:56:18 · answer #6 · answered by janicajayne 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your commitment to your kids should take priority. No person is worth losing your kids over.
2006-07-10 18:56:57 · answer #7 · answered by oscbox 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You shouldn't force your children to live your lifestyle
2006-07-10 18:56:22 · answer #8 · answered by Velociraptor 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds like you need to sit everyone down and lay down the law u do wat u want and anyone who doesnt tow the line tell them to get lost ,remember u need to think about number one
2006-07-10 18:57:37 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋