About 10 years ago I got REALLY screwed over by a guy I was in a serious relationship with. I guess it's revenge for what he did to me, but for 10 years I've been DYING to tell his mother that in 1987 him and his (then) girlfriend had a baby and gave it up for adoption. Should I tell her? What's the best way to tell her? Write a letter perhaps?
2006-07-10 18:00:56 · 58 answers · asked by GiaDDD 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
The only reason I wouldn't do it is because of the child.
I have nothing against his mom, I just want to get back at him.
And yes, I know it was a decade ago but he REALLY screwed me and I WANT revenge.
I tried to write what happened but there weren't nearly enough characters in the box.
2006-07-10 18:07:05 · update #1
The only people who know right now are him, the ex-girlfriend, her mom and me.
2006-07-10 18:11:19 · update #2
A lot of people have said I should seek professional help because I'm still angry after all these years. The fact is, he's the one who won't let it die. He moved to Tennessee in 1997 and married in 1999 yet he continues to call every few weeks. And I'VE been happliy married since 1998!
AND ... OK, here's one thing ... while were dating I got pregnant and had a miscarraige on November 17th, 1996. EVERY year on that date he sends me flowers with a note that says Congratulations.
2006-07-10 18:20:51 · update #3
yes, write a letter with a blank address.
2006-07-10 18:04:53 · answer #1 · answered by Jesse69 1 · 8⤊ 12⤋
What purpose would it serve? Have You considered that the Child might not know that they are adopted? It would hurt His Mother terribly. And possibly ruin the Child's life, if they did not know. Is Your telling/revenge that important?
May God Bless Your Decision
About your additional information:
That this guy is still calling you, and sending flowers every year, let your husband take care of these intrusions. Let it go, and live your life. You have moved on, and have a wonderful Husband. Take the high road. Once you make the decision to do so, you will feel much better. Anger only harms you and your well being. Don't bring Others into this. I really think You already know that telling would be wrong, because You haven't already. Give it to God. Then refuse to let Him intrude another second into Your lives.
2006-07-10 18:12:37 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you're still this angry after 10 years, please get professional help in order to move on with your life. We have all gotten REALLY screwed over, but it is not worth ruining any more of your future by continuing to obsess over it.
Telling his mother will only ruin lives and not just his. What about his current relationship/spouse or children, his mother, and the child given up for adoption? It's not their fault that this happened and they should not be made to deal with it because you decided so. It is up to him, the child's mother, and the child to decide if they would like to contact each other and whether to forge a relationship.
You are worth much more than this. Only a truly evil person would hurt so many in order to punish one. I'm sure he has lived a suffered life. Take the high road and make a fantastic future for yourself. Good luck.
2006-07-10 18:12:17 · answer #3 · answered by stseukn 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Get over yourself! This was 10 years ago that this guy broke your heart. I understand that getting over things like that are very difficult, believe me, I know first hand. But that does not justify you trying to ruin his life. Yes, okay, so the guy is a shmuck. Get on with your life. If you continue to dwell on the past and go to all these lengths just to get some measly revenge, you'll regret it. You're missing out on life! It's been a DECADE. Think about it. If you've been stuck living in the past for this long, imagine how much you're missing NOW. You'll find the right guy. He obviously wasn't it. Don't let that conduct your decisions and morality.
2006-07-10 18:12:09 · answer #4 · answered by Arabella 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What would you achieve by tellng his mother?
Grow up and move on. Yes, it is a bad thing that 10 years ago you gave up a child, but you must have made the decision together, So, why do you want to punish him now. You could not have had the baby yourself in any case. The act was committed by both of you.
So, forget it and move on with life.
2006-07-10 18:05:18 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
i believe in revenge but i also believes in Karma. If u wana go for it then i think u should name the "from" as "annonymous" dont name urself cus it will catch up with ya later. Hmm..why do u wana tell? Maybe if he's nice to you now then u shouldn't tell his mother that because it would ruin the relationship. Who else did he tell his adoption story to? Apart from u..before u wana write a letter or seeking revenge in tell tell u need to find out n make sure that he didn't tell any other cuz as i said "karma will catch up with you cuz u r the only one knowing this" and he'll definitely coming after u if he finds out. good luck.
2006-07-10 18:06:49 · answer #6 · answered by emprezzzennie 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If you are still angry about something that happened 10 years ago, you have some serious problems. You need to seek counseling. Revenge is never the answer.
2006-07-10 18:04:46 · answer #7 · answered by blinky doodles 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Did you getting screwed by him warrant you hurting the life of the 10 yr old? You can't be serious. You seem to forget that other people know about this adoption and someday that child might want to learn about his birth parents. Then that child might learn about this vindictive woman that attempted to ruin his father. Grow up and Good Luck
2006-07-10 18:21:16 · answer #8 · answered by marks3kids 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't do it. It's none of your business. I know it's very tempting but be the bigger person. Then you can be proud of yourself for not stooping to his level. You think by spilling his secret you will feel good but you wont. You will, however, feel good when you know you have done the right thing. A person can never go forward if they dwell on the past. Put it behind you and move on. Make peace with the situation in your mind and heart. I know you can do it...I have faith in you. Best of luck.
2006-07-10 18:06:28 · answer #9 · answered by silent.peace 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't think any of our opinions will stop you from saying the secret to your ex guys mother. But since you are dying to tell her this secret, it will be advisable to personally talk to her instead of sending letters and emails. This is a sensitive matter for her. But remember the sayings "As You Sow, So Shall You Reap".
Take Care
2006-07-10 18:07:08 · answer #10 · answered by viper4in 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try your best to forget about it. Forgive him. Not forgiving hm is only hurting you.
You are of no relation to this couple and it is not up to you to tell anyone. A secret is just that, a secret even 20 years later. Move on with your life and be happy and rid yourself of the desire to get revenge.
2006-07-10 18:05:32 · answer #11 · answered by Sandra H 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋