Why does it hurt me.?

Question

Why my son is so insensetive?
I'm divorced for 6 yrs now. I didn't want it but by husband forced me to divorce him. My kids are now 20 and 16 they live with me. It hurts me when I heard my son asking his dad on the phone how is his girl friend. This is not the woman who he left me for but also I know that my older son was friendly with that woman. I never had a date come to the house. My son never wanted me to get back together with my husband who he is very friendly with. I know I can not change anyone I know that I'm innocent but it hurts me a lot. I do ignore it and don't say anything to him but deep inside I feel very depressed. Thanks for your advice in advanced

Answer 1

ex hurt you they love to do any thing that might care you a little pain . I'm sorry , I know how it 's like to have a ex , who moves on and your the one who desired to be happy.

Answer 2

I don't think it's insensitivity, your son has just accepted that your father has moved on and he wants to be nice to her for his father's sake, and in time he probably came to like her. That doesn't mean that he loves you any less or that he's being insensitive. He doesn't want you and your ex husband to get back together because he knows it isn't right. Being on good terms with his father and his father's girlfriend isn't going behind your back. My Mother had the same problem. She got upset with me for liking my father's new wife and my father, it got to the point that I've had to temporarily cut her out of my life. I want to have a relationship with both of them, but I can't constantly be badgered by her to cease contact with my Father and Stepmother. All you'll accomplish by any of this is distancing your son from you. Also, don't listen to his phone calls. It does no one any good. Even if you accidentally overhear, you can tune it out. It's better that way. You might want to go somewhere for some medication for the depression, you may have a situational depression from the shock and grief of the divorce and other such issues, and it may not go away if you don't get on medication for a few months. Just a suggestion. I wish you a lot of luck, and I assure you that your sons love you, and you are not going to be replaced by the new girlfriend-she could never replace you.

Answer 3

First, let me ask you this: are you jealous of your son being friendly with your ex husband and his girlfriend? Also, does he treat you any different from his dad? Well the problem here is that you keep your feelings bottled up. Maybe you'll feel better if you let your son know how you feel (that's if you're being mistreated by your son). You need to let him know that you're the one who has taken care of him when his dad left you for another woman, so why is it that he appreciates them more than he appreciates you? You can't stop your son from talking to his dad, but you can avoid listening to their conversation. If it hurts you then maybe you should avoid listening to their conversation. I'm trying to understand how your son treats you. You didn't mention anything about him hurting you so why is it that you feel so depressed? Do you still carry feelings for your ex husband? If so, then you really need to move on with your life. I also suggest you talk to someone you're close to so at least you'll feel better letting your feelings out. Take care..and I hope everything works out for you.

Answer 4

What should he do, be mean to her? Ignore her or that she exsists?? big deal he asked how she's doing, we do this with people we hardly know, "hey Bob hows the family or hows your wife" .. why shouldnt he with his fathers gf.. he wasnt disrespecting you.. get out of the past, you should be happy that your sons arent repressing anger like ur doing and are trying to handle the situation in the best and maturist way possible .. i think your being petty about this.. sorry but i do.. Your sons love you very much, their not looking for anyone to take your place, they are just trying to take an interest in their fathers lives as well.. give them a break.. U should be greatful that you raised your boys to have good enough manners to be able to do this, not hurting about it.. my daughter is 6 years old, me and her father split up 4 years ago and are both now remarried.. no one forced her she just refers to my husband as daddy and her step mom as mommy , does it hurt.. sure it pulls at the cords alittle.. but im happier that she is happy and has found away to handle the situation, she finds herself lucky to have not only 1 mommy and daddy but 2 of each, and i promote this by saying how lucky she is to have so many people love her.. Your son isnt the one being insensitive, its urself thats being insensitive to his feelings .. kids dont ask for this situation that are just put in these situations .. you as their mother need to protect their emotional needs even more then your own..

Answer 5

To never have a date come to your home says alot about you. Why not? Sounds as if your children could do with a dose of mom's reality. If you are seeing a decent guy, invite him to your home for a dinner so your kids can see that you are 'still in the game' like your ex. Don't be depressed over these stuational matters.
Work on being the best YOU that you can be. Give love to your kids and let them be aware of the realities of your life. They are certainly old enough to understand.

Answer 6

You so need to go talk to a professional. There is something up with you. After six years, there is no reason to still be hung up on trivial issues like the ones that are perplexing you. Your kids are old enough to ask appropriate questions like you stated. They have an interest in their parents lives. Suck it up sister and get one of your own... Maybe one day he'll ask you "hows your boyfriend mom?"

Answer 7

That's a normal feeling....I would feel the same way.....but through your son's eyes I guess this woman is nice....and since she wasn't the cause of you guys breaking up he has nothing against her......I guess if I were your child I wouldn't like anybody that ended up with my dad.....but different strokes for different folks :(.....I'm sorry for your situation.....

Answer 8

you had a life with this man and you didnt want the divorce, so of course that will be a tender spot with you especially when your children are involved, you just got to realize that you are mom and no girlfriend can replace you in your kids eyes.

Answer 9

It's time for your son to be on his own. He's an adult and you are supporting him while he is nice to your ex's girlfriend. Nope, he needs to move out.